DAY 96 - TAKING TIME OFF

Day 96

This fall has been filled with a new adventure, my blog.  It has brought me an incredible amount of happiness.  Every day, I have enjoyed the brainwork of trying to find a topic.  I was forced to be in ‘happiness mode’ at all times.  The hardest part has been to find the time to research, write, edit and proofread in my way-to-busy life.  I have already learned so much and I know I will still discover so much more. 

However, between work, my blog, exercising, cooking, cleaning, spending quality time with my husband and my children, I haven’t had much time to rest.  I have decided that between Christmas and New year, I will be taking time off from everything, even from writing this blog.

After writing close to 100 blogs in a little less than 100 days, it is time for me to take a break.  It will be hard for me.  My blog has become an important part of my life and I will certainly miss writing it.  I have probably developed a little addiction to it.  I will also miss the ghostly presence of you, my readers.  I don’t know you all, but every day, I feel your presence and you are definitely the ones helping me find the courage and determination to go on.

So, dear readers, I wish you all Happy Happy Holidays and I will be back on January 2^nd, rested and with fresh thoughts on happiness.           

DAY 95 - TRUE STORIES

Day 95

I love reading biographical novels, stories of people who have gone through unbelievable experiences. My two favourite ones are ‘The Glass Castle’ and ‘the Pianist’.

In ‘The Glass Castle’, the main character grows up in a more than dysfunctional family. She lives in poverty, parental neglect the greater part of her childhood and still ends up becoming a successful journalist and writer (the author is the main character). The story of ‘The pianist’ takes place during the Second World War and shows how a Jewish Polish pianist, through luck, courage, the support of friends and the kindness of an anonymous German officer, manages to survive as the world around him collapses. When I read these types of stories, somehow, my own problems seem trivial.

Recently, my friend Christina’s mom, Aggie, has handed me a memoir. I’ve known her since the age of 12. However, in the past few days, I have discovered a person I really didn’t know. Aggie was born from Hungarian Jewish parents. Her story is captivating. One of the elements that troubled me the most was the description of her escape from Hungary in 1956. At that time, the Russians had besieged Hungary. Her family and her left their hometown hidden in a truck full of potatoes and, on a cold winter night, crossed over to Austria by foot, through a guarded forest. At the time, Aggie was 15 years old. I can only imagine the intensity of the fear and the relief when they finally realised after hours of walking, that they had made it to Austria.

These stories have many things in common. First, they all have a happy ending. When a biography ends in tragedy, I personally don’t enjoy it as much. I guess it’s my sentimental side. They also show how overcoming fears along with resilience are essential when you are looking to better your life. Finally, reading about the courage of others who were confronted with such adversity somehow gives me hope, courage and strength to pursue my own goals.

DAY 94 - WANTING TO BE RIGHT

DAY 94

I have fought many battles, especially when I was younger.  Whenever I’d meet someone who was racist, sexist or showed any type of intolerance or discrimination, I would go to war and strongly fight their ideology.  I remember getting all wound up, so much that I would feel my blood pressure rise, my nostrils flare, my sweat spew out of my pores and smoke come out of my ears.

I’ve calmed down since then, although I still have little tolerance for intolerance. That's the reason why, at times,  I still get caught up in an argument.  What I’ve noticed is that when I do argue with people, I never feel very good afterwards.  Even if the debate generally remained respectful.

People who trigger a passionate response in me are usually those who would never change their mind anyway.  They often have an opinion set in stone and their way of arguing frustrates me because I can see that they are not really listening to my opinion.  So why do I bother?

I want to be right and I want the other person to acknowledge the fact that they know I’m right.  The argument stems from and is fed by that desire.  I’m wondering if it’s really worth it.  At the end of such discussion,  I know I will not have convinced the other person and all I will be left with is a negative feeling.  

Wanting to be right at all costs might not be the way to go, although when I'm arguing intensely, I can see no other way.  However, as Deepak Chopra, my friend John and my husband say, is it better to be right or to be happy?  

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DAY 93 - BEING WITH FUN PEOPLE

Day 93

One of the things that makes me happy is simply being around fun and interesting people.  We obviously all have a different definition of what a fun and interesting person is. For instance, some people might be attracted to the highly intellectual or adventurous types, while others might prefer the enthusiastic or spiritual types.

I have had to sit through meals with people I simply did not connect with.  It’s painful.  Most probably, those people find me boring to.  I can tell that I’m boring someone when I talk and all they do is nod and say «oh, really ».  Funny enough, in these contexts, I also find myself pretty boring.   I often comment on it to myself as I’m talking.  I become witness to my conversation, having an out of body experience.

I’ve been blessed with a very fun family.  For my parents 50^th wedding anniversary, my brothers and I, along with our respective spouses, my 28 year-old niece and of course, my parents, all went out for dinner at a fancy restaurant in Montreal.  We laughed so much, when I got back home; I realized my stomach muscles were sore.   Family obligations are part of life, so I’m lucky I can actually truly enjoy these gatherings.

I have also learned how important it is for me to pick and choose my friends.  I know that in general, people I find uninteresting, are very self-involved, or don’t seem genuinely interested and sensitive to other people’s responses when engaged in a discussion.

Surrounding myself with fun and interesting people really makes a difference in my happiness level.  With my busy life, I feel like I need to fully take advantage of every moment I have.  What do you think makes a person fun and interesting?

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DAY 92 - SCHEDULING FUN

Day 92

Do you sometimes feel like you’re so busy, you hold off going to the bathroom just in order not to waste any time?   Do you feel like you’re constantly rushing, being on efficiency mode? 

A lot of us are caught up in this whirlwind of productivity, always rushing to get to the next step.  When I get home from work, I hurry up to do everything I have to do just so I can finally sit back and relax.  The problem is, most of the time, when I do get to that stage, I’m so tired, I just want to go to bed.

Theoretically, we all know we should aim at achieving balance.  Yet, it is very challenging to find time to include all important aspects of life in our daily routine.  Probably, the best way to do this is to schedule in activities you would like to include. 

On Tuesday mornings, I take a pilates class.  Friday nights is movie night or board game night with my husband and my children.  On Saturday afternoons, we now have a babysitter who comes while my husband and I go work out.  Every night, before I go to bed, I meditate.

Scheduling activities in your week is the best way to force yourself to stop and take time to do the things that you really want to do.  I’ve always liked spontaneity and I have always been reluctant to adopting any type of scheduled activity routine.  However, with the lifestyle I have, if I don’t schedule the “fun “ activities, all I’ll be doing is taking care of all my ‘not-so-fun’ obligations.  And that goes against the principle of making my life more enjoyable and happy! 

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DAY 91 - HANDEL'S MESSIAH

Day 91

Last Monday night, I got an impromptu offer from my friend France to attend a concert of Handel's Messiah, a classic masterpiece created in the 18th century.  The concert took place at the Notre-Dame Basilica in Montreal.  As soon as I walked into the church, I knew I was going to have more than a musical experience.  The amazing interior architecture of this old basilica really inspired me to sit back and enjoy a truly spiritual experience.  

Kent Nagano, the Musical Director and Maestro of the Montreal Symphony Orchestra was waltzing with his hands directing the musicians, choristers and soloists with an unbelievable grace.  When came time for the Alleluia chorus, it is a tradition for people to stand up in honor of the Lord.  Seeing this sea of people standing up and hearing the Alleluia sung with intensity by vibrant voices and energy sent shivers down my spine.

All through the evening, I went through an unbelievable journey of emotions.  Handel's Messiah brings the listener from joy to sorrow as movements unfold.  At times, I was touched and teary-eyed, at others I felt like standing up and rejoicing.

Watching a classical concert, with the solemnity it entails and the intensity it carries, can truly make you go through a unique experience.

Handel wrote the Messiah in three weeks.  Last Monday, as I was listening to a performance of this masterpiece,  I thought that this German-British Baroque composer had probably been blessed with Divine Inspiration.   And for more than 250 years,  people have had the chance to enjoy his glorious creation.

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DAY 90 - CHRISTMAS ANTICIPATION

DAY 90

Today is December 17^th.   I am walking in my neighbourhood at night.  The streets are filled with Christmas lights.  Everywhere you look, there are trees, angels, stars and snowmen sparkling, glittering with colourful lights.  I’ve been here before.  In fact, I have been coming here ever since I can remember.  I recognize the smell, the freshness of the air, the peacefulness of the silence and the beauty of the scenery.  I feel an immense joy, yet I also feel melancholy.  Christmastime has always held this strange mix of feelings for me.   

Last weekend, we bought our Christmas tree.  Now, our house smells like the deep of the woods.  The children sit in front of all the shimmering lights every day and ask us how many days are left before Christmas.  They can’t wait for that precious day to finally arrive.

Last Thursday, I went to my parent’s house and my mother, my sister-in-law and I sat down for hours making traditional Egyptian cookies.  My parents’ house has now turned into a Christmas wonderland.  In the basement of their house, they’ve created a gigantic village with lights, a carousel, a church and houses, and with a train going around it all.  They have a big Santa singing Jingle Bells and a huge snowman that sounds like Frank Sinatra singing White Christmas. 

The build-up to Christmas is as intense as ever. I’m enjoying every moment of it, soaking up all the magic around.  I know that all that anticipation is the best part of Christmas, because as soon as Christmas will come, it will be gone, and all that will remain is a vague memory of yet another wonderful Christmastime spent eating, eating and eating again, delicious homemade, specialties in delightful company.

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DAY 89 - SMILING

Day 89

When I look at the wrinkles of older people, I always pay attention to the ones that really stand out; the ones that have been created through the repetition of the same facial expression. My favourite ones are the smiling ones that are found on the cheeks and near the outer corners of the eyes.   Since I will end up with wrinkles, I know that those are the ones I want.

So, I’ve been trying to smile as much as possible.  It’s not always easy to do.  Sometimes, when I’m in a grouchy mood, it takes a humongous effort for me to even get a quarter of a smile, as though my cheek muscles were in need of some kind of muscle rub to get moving.  The funny thing is, when I do get my cheek muscles working, I feel better. 

If I’m jogging or walking, whenever I make eye contact with someone, I smile.  Sometimes, they return the smile, other times they don’t.  We live in such a world of paranoia that when you smile at someone, they will sometimes look back to see if you’re smiling at someone else or they’ll simply ignore you, probably wondering if you suffer from some kind of mental disorder.

Smiling is such a simple gesture, yet it could have such an impact on your mood and that of others.  Smiling is contagious and brings on positive feelings.  When I force my smile, it often feels like a fake grin at the beginning, but with persistence, it always ends up lifting my spirit, even if just a little bit.

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ”  Mother Theresa

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DAY 88 - HOLDING A GRUDGE

Day 88

We’ve all been hurt by someone at some point in the course of our lives.  However, after a disagreement, some people become more resentful than others.  When I hear of family members not speaking to each other for decades or best friends giving up on their relationship over one incident, I wonder how holding a grudge can serve anyone’s life in a positive way.

I’m lucky.  My memory is very selective or I simply have a very bad memory.  Generally, when it comes to arguments with people, I don’t hold grudges, not because I’m such a forgiver, but because most of the times after a couple of days, I remember I had an argument with that person, but I forget what it was about.

Holding a grudge is like carrying a bucket of smelly fish everywhere you go.  Although you might get used to the smell, it keeps emanating unpleasant vapors, reminding you that something is wrong.  It is a very heavy load to carry and could very well deplete you of your energy on a daily basis. 

When you are holding a grudge, the hate that you are experiencing simmers inside of you and can suck the joy out of your life. It’s quite hard to be happy when all that is on your mind is the wrong that someone has done to you.

Life is so short, why waste it being angry at anyone.  In the end, you are only punishing yourself, and you might also be missing out on a relationship that brought you so much and that you used to value.  

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DAY 87 - I SHOULD HAVE... I COULD HAVE... AND IF ONLY I HAD, THEN I WOULD HAVE...

Day 87

Every session I teach my student the past conditional.  After about an hour of grammatical theory, I tell them to never use that tense, philosophically, of course.

There are so many directions to choose from as we grow.  Every time we get to a crossroad, we make a decision based on our knowledge, intuition or sometimes, only because of social pressure.  On the chosen path, life unfolds.  If you start experiencing hurdles or suffering, it becomes very easy to start fantasizing about the alternative way, the one you did not take.  The fact is, you will never know where that road would have lead you.

The exercise of looking back at your decisions is only beneficial if you look at the positive impact each of your choices has had on your life.  Wallowing on the past and filling your soul with regrets serves no one, especially not you. 

I’m going to say something really wise now:  YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR PAST CHOICES, YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOUR PRESENT AND FUTURE DECISIONS!  There! I said it! Brilliant, isn’t it?  I know you know that we all know that this is true.  So, why do we waste energy talking in the past conditional?

In the end, by doing so we are only indulging in self-pity.  If I never pursued a career as a singer, perhaps it’s because I wasn’t made for that lifestyle!  Would I have been happy being on the road all the time?

You know your present reality.  The decisions you make now will have an impact on your future.  You have to think carefully before you go ahead with your choices.  However, once you do, there is no need to look back anymore!  Being on a happy path, is also being able to be at peace with all that you were, all that you’ve done, all that you are and all that you will be. 

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DAY 86 - INTUITION

Day 86

BASBOUSSA

Last night I dreamt I was eating a Middle Eastern desert called Basboussa.   When I arrived to school this morning, a Lebanese student of mine had brought cake to share with the class, not any cake, she had brought « Basboussa ».  Two weeks ago, as I was writing a post on my daughter’s soccer victory, the telephone rang just when I was writing the name Ramona.  Ramona was on the phone.  So many times, I’ll think of someone I haven’t seen in a long time, and that person will call me or send me an e-mail within the same day, or sometimes within the same minute.

Many view these stories as being mere coincidences.  I disagree.  I think there is a universal knowledge that we rarely access, because we are so self-involved.   If we were able to eliminate worry and negative thoughts, we could probably more frequently access that knowledge.

The reason why intuition is so valuable is that it could guide us to make the right decisions; the ones that could lead to a happier life.  The problem is, it is not easy to distinguish fear or wishful thinking from intuition.  When you have intuition, there is no rational explanation, yet there is no doubt.   You just know.  You feel it in your gut.

Some people are naturally very intuitive.  My mother, for instance, has had many premonitory dreams.  Also, as we were growing up, she would often feel how people were and asked us to stay away from those she felt were a negative influence on us.  She was always right. 

My youngest daughter is already showing signs of intuition.  Last weekend, her sister could not find a jewellery box my husband and I had given her as a present last summer.  As were looking all over the house for it and my oldest daughter was on the verge of crying, my six-year old just said: « Mom, I feel we’re going to find it».  She was convinced.   When we finally found it, I thought of how accurate her intuition has been in the past.  She is so little and yet, she is already showing a sensitivity that goes far beyond her age.

Intuition has saved lives.  I’ve read stories of people not taking the plane because of a gut-feeling and surviving what could have been their last trip.

Although some people are naturally more intuitive, it is possible to develop intuition.  Meditation (I guess meditation really is the cure to all wounds), self-hypnosis, relaxation techniques, yoga are all ways of easing the mind and therefore help open the way to intuition.  Positive thinking and happiness are also viewed as promoting the emergence of intuition.  If you eliminate fear and worry, what is left is an empty space that could be filled with intuition.

DAY 85 - A COUPLE OF HUGS A DAY CAN KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY

DAY 85

In 2004, an Australian man known only by the pseudonym "Juan Mann", began giving free hugs in Pitt Street Mall, Sydney, Australia.  In the prior months, he had been feeling lonely and depressed because of personal problems.  He had gone to a party and someone randomly gave him a hug.  It made him feel so good at the time, that he thought that maybe other people were in his situation, in desperate need of human contact.

He came up with the idea of going in public places with a sign saying ‘Free Hugs’. The first time he did it, he had to wait fifteen minutes before an older lady finally came up to him and hugged him. From that moment on, a worldwide campaign was launched.  Now, all over the world, people stand in public places and give free hugs. I think it is a wonderful initiative.

Hugging feels good, but it seems like it also has health benefits. Hugging causes the release of a hormone called oxytocin. Many studies have shown that this hormone helps lower the levels of stress and anxiety, reduces blood pressure, increases the immune system, increases tolerance to pain and perhaps even speeds up the healing of wounds. It also improves mood and promotes loving and bonding feelings.

Hugging and touching is very cultural.  Mediterranean people, for instance, tend to touch each other more frequently and easily than typical North Americans.  However, no matter your origin, the power of hugging remains.   A big hug can have limitless benefits in bringing on happiness, especially when it is given by someone you care about using it to show appreciation.

So, let’s all make more time for hugs.  By doing so, we might be improving the quality of our health, our happiness, their happiness and our overall well-being!

Check out this video about free hugs given in Italy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=hN8CKwdosjE

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DAY 84 - INSPIRATION

Day 84

Finding a subject every single day for my blog is very challenging.  Often, while my students are working on a project in class, I’ll sit back and and observe my surroundings to try to find inspiration.  In my classroom, there is a series of Magritte's  paintings, the most famous ones, the one of men in hats. 

Two of Magritte's Paintings

I’ll sometimes look at them and brain storm: “ birds, sky, identity, freedom”.  And then I’ll ask myself: “How does identity affect us?  I wonder if Magritte was happy?”  Then I’ll turn my eyes and look out the window: “snow, cold, winter, ice, Christmas… I’ll definitely have to write a post or two on Christmas”.

I’ll then gaze at my students again: “studying, learning, Colombia, Algeria, politics, justice”.  Most of the times, I’ll then jot down some ideas.   After writing a small list of topics, I’ll stop and look up again to try and choose the one idea that I will develop on that day.  It never really works.  

In fact, in general, the one idea, the chosen one will pop into my head at the strangest moment.  It is actually when I’m not thinking about it anymore, when I have let go of the desire to try to find it that it will appear to me out of nowhere like a jack in the box.  And when it does, my heart starts racing with excitement and joy, as though I have discovered the key to a locked treasure. I’ll start creating sentences in my head, mentally structuring my text, erasing, rephrasing, etc.. 

When we focus too much on trying to get an idea, we often come out of the process empty handed.  It’s like when you’re trying to find the name of a film or of an actor, and you can’t, no matter how hard you try.  And then, a few hours later, when you're in the middle of a conversation with  someone about something entirely different, the name pops into your head.

The brain doesn’t like to be forced into things.  It has a life of its own.  And if you accept that, and you let go of the control, inspiration can become your joyful and faithful ally.

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DAY 83- COULD HAPPINESS REALLY BE CONTAGIOUS?

Day 83

Have you been feeling happy lately?  Maybe you should thank your friends and your friends’ friends.  In December 2008, a new research by the Harvard Medical School and the University of California, San Diego published by the British Medical Journal suggested that your level of happiness is influenced not only by the people you know, but by the people they know, for up to three degrees of separation.

This study established that happiness spreads through your social network, sort of like a virus, so that if you feel cheery, it could impact someone you have never met. 

The researchers studied social networks of 5000 people for 20 years.  They determined that if a person was happy, it increased by 15 % the chances of that individual’s friends to be happy, by 9 % the chances of that friends’ friends to be happy and by 6 % the chances of that friends’ friends’ friends to be happy.

I personally find it a little hard to believe that part of my happiness could be due to a stranger who is three times removed from my life.   However, I do believe that when you are connecting with happy people, it could impact your own life positively. Conversely, spreading happiness around could also increase your own happiness, with the snowball effect.  If you’re happy and you impact your friend’s life in a positive way, they will turn back to you with more happiness, and so on….

If happiness is a virus, then it is the only one worth catching… And if you catch it, don’t be afraid to spread it!

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DAY 82 - FREEDOM

Day 82

What is freedom?  Does it truly exist?  Does it bring happiness? Throughout history, many scholars have written about the concept of freedom, which could be divided in various categories and has held a range of definitions through the ages.  My purpose though is not to write an essay on the topic, but to give a personal account on the subject.

I have never liked to feel imprisoned. Maybe that’s why I love traveling.  It gives me a sense of adventure, as if the realm of possibilities was endless.  When I was in my 20’s, I was really able to indulge in that bohemian lifestyle.   I remember coming back from one of my trips and finding it extremely difficult to get back on the moving train.  

That is not to say that I didn’t go through ups and downs when I was traveling or that I didn’t miss my family and friends, I just enjoyed the feeling of being able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  

As I moved out of my parents’ house and began to have a rent and bills to pay, things dramatically changed.  One day or another, we all have to face up to some responsibilities, unless you decide to live on the street.  I’ve heard interviews with homeless people who say they chose that way of life for that exact reason: they don’t want to give up their freedom.  In the end, I’m not sure they’re really free.  Perhaps because in order to do what you want, you need to have the means to do it.

As you get older, it seems that responsibilities just keep piling up!  Mortgage, kids, work, bills, the list of  goes on and on … But what about freedom?  What about the girl who hated to feel imprisoned?  Where could she find happiness in the midst of all these obligations?

The truth is I’m happier now than then, even though I’ve lost part of my freedom. When I lost my freedom, I gained stability and comfort.  And I make do with the little I have.  Freedom can’t take the same form it did 20 years ago.  Now, I steal moments of freedom.  A few times a week, my husband stays with the kids and I travel back to my bohemian self by doing things just for me.  It’s not much, but for those few hours of freedom, I’m able to rediscover the 20 year-old bohemian girl I once was.

DAY 81 - BOREDOM

Day 81

Are you ever bored?  Do you ever feel like you’re going through the motions of your daily life without any enthusiasm?  In the past week, three of my friends have complained to me about feeling bored.  There are so many captivating and exciting things to do in our western world, why do we sometimes feel that way?

Boredom might be a boring topic.  But if not taken care of, it could lead to feelings of loneliness, sadness or even depression.  The problem is, we tend to try to relieve our boredom with quick fixes.  Although a dinner with friends, a night of partying and a day at the spa can provide some enjoyment, it doesn’t have a lasting impact on the overall feeling of boredom.  Am I boring you yet?

We need a reason to live.  That’s why the key to getting rid of boredom is to have projects, not only one and not 150, but two or three that we could work on simultaneously.  You know the saying: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”  I completely abide by it.  If you devote all your energy towards the achievement of one single goal and it doesn’t work out, you feel lost.  And if you do reach it, after you do, you could have a real feeling of emptiness if you don’t have another project you can turn to right away.  Think of elite athletes.  Some of them go through such a difficult time after they finally reach the top.

We also need to develop interests.  A lot of older people are bored because their work filled up the greater part of their life.  When they retire, they feel like their reason to live vanished with their former job.  It could be theater, painting, cooking, literature, philosophy, music, traveling, spirituality, personal development, etc.  The list of possible interests is endless.

Having projects and interests could really help give your life purpose.   The truth is, there is a shining light full of life waiting inside all of us.  All we have to do is find a way to ignite it!  (Ok, so the ending is a little sappy!  Nonetheless, it's true).

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DAY 80 - TWO PERCEPTIONS; ONE REALITY

Day 80

WINTER NIGHTMARE

When I woke up this morning, I looked out my window and right away I got irritated.  The wind was blowing hard, more than a foot of snow had accumulated in front of my house; my car was submerged by a mountain of ice.  The snowplow had passed and left a gigantic bank next to my car.  I hate winter.  I hate the cold.  I would like to hibernate or move to a warmer country.  Why did my parents choose to immigrate to Canada?  Couldn’t they have chosen a place next to the sea with a warmer climate?   Today’s the first big snow storm of the year.    For the next six months, I will have to struggle against the cold every time I walk my kids to school.  I will have to shovel snow and suffer backaches.  Whenever I walk, I will have to endure the wind blowing on my face and freezing my eyelashes.  Every time I’ll get out of my house, I will be reminded that Mother Nature spares no one in this country, not even those who have Egyptian blood traveling through their veins and cannot acclimatize to Nordic weather.

WINTER TALE

When I woke up this morning, I looked out the window and the beautiful scenery amazed me.  Everything was covered with white velvet, sparkling light in the darkness of the early morning.  The wind was blowing, as if gently singing a cheerful melody: winter is here, come and dance with me.  I love winter.  I love the purity of the air caressing my face.     I’m so glad my parents chose to immigrate to Canada.   Here, we have the chance of experiencing the beauty of all four seasons.   Today’s the first big snow storm of the year.    For the next six months,  I will get reenergized by the cool breeze whenever I walk my children to school.  I will be able to skate, ski, slide and build gigantic snowmen with my children, creating unforgettable memories.   Every time I’ll get out of my house, I will be reminded that Mother Nature shows its shining diamonds every winter with the magic of falling snowflakes.  Who would have though that my Egyptian blood could find winter so precious?

There are many things we can’t control in life, but one thing we do have control over is our perception of reality.  Which vision should we adopt in order to maximize happiness?  That is the question.

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DAY 79 - WRITING

Day 79

Although we all seek happiness on a daily basis, realistically speaking, we cannot access it at all times.  Life presents us with challenges and hurdles that we have little control over and we need to overcome.   Since pain cannot always be avoided, one way of dealing with it is writing.

Last weekend, I was talking on the phone with Anita, one of my husband’s childhood friends.  Like all of us, during the course of her life, she has had many ups and downs.  However, I’ve always noticed how enthusiastic and energetic she is.  I believe that fundamentally, she is an optimist. 

As we were talking about the concept of happiness, she told me that she has been writing a diary ever since she can remember.  All her suffering and all her happiness have been recorded in her daily writing. 

Not all of us have the ability or the time to write on a daily basis. (Although it probably wouldn’t take up that much time.  It really is a question of habit and discipline.)  But writing can definitely be helpful in getting rid of negative thoughts and providing more inner peace. 

There are many ways of using writing. 

-       You can have a daily journal, which not only serves at expressing your emotions, but can also be used as a way to keep your memories alive.  Very useful for someone like me who forgets everything!

-       Every time your have a negative thought, you can take a piece of paper and jot it down so you can free yourself from your worries and your pain.  Afterwards, you can just throw the paper in the garbage. The objective of the exercise is not to collect depressing thoughts, but rather to find a way to release negative feelings.

-       You can also have a gratitude journal.  Writing down positive thoughts is a great way of taking note of the pleasurable moments in your life.  When you’re feeling down, you can always return to this book filled with positive thoughts.

-    Finally, why not write a daily blog?  

You don’t have to be constant or write impeccably.  It doesn’t even have to be long.  The idea is just to use writing as yet another tool to help achieve inner peace on a daily basis.

If you like this post, pass it along.  To receive posts as they're being published, you can either send me an e-mail at alina500daystohappiness@hotmail.com or join the facebook group: 

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DAY 78 - ARE YOU YOUR JOB?

Day 78

A couple of months ago, the Globe and Mail published an article that described two types of workers.  Those who ARE their work and those who DO their work.  If you are part of the first category, you are definitely blessed with luck.  Your work is actually an extension of you and therefore, you can flourish within your work environment.

I AM my work.  I have the opportunity to use many facets of my personality while teaching.  I am a sociable extravert, I hate feeling trapped (I could never work in an office), I love discovering new cultures, I love sharing my knowledge, I love learning, I love having discussions on different topics.  Teaching English as a second language to a majority of immigrant adults really fits with my character traits.  As a result, my work really fulfils me.

We spend the major part of our lives at work, so it is rather important to find some joy in it.  If the work itself does not correspond to your personality, it becomes more challenging to find happiness in it.  More and more companies are looking for ways to increase the happiness level of their employees.  Although, they’re mostly doing it to increase productivity, everyone benefits from working in a positive environment.

Studies have shown that a majority of people who are happy in all other areas of their lives tend to also be happy at work.  So, working on being a well-rounded happy person, will have a positive impact on your satisfaction level at work. 

But what do you do when your work does not correspond to who you are and really makes you unhappy? If you have the means, you could either change jobs or go back to school and reorient your career. 

In the previous generation, most people stuck with their initial career choice for the rest of their lives.  At that time, people had job security.  When you found a job, you most likely kept it until retirement.   Nowadays, people sometimes have 2 or 3 careers during the course of their lives.  It takes courage to give up what you have for the unknown, but it is definitely worth the risk.  If it doesn’t work out, you can always go back. 

If you can’t leave your job, you need to find ways to make it better by making sure you can express your personality as much as possible in the context of your job.  Because of the amount of time spent at work, it is of utmost importance to be able to increase the level of happiness at work, whether it is through relationships,  the organization of all social events or  through the work itself.

DAY 77 - I BELIEVE…

Day 77

Faith can positively impact our  lives, no matter what shape it takes.   Now, I’m not only talking about religious or spiritual faith, I’m also talking about having faith in life itself.

Many studies have shown that believers lead happier lives.  It is true that religion gives an explanation and purpose to our existence.  Therefore, it is likely to appease people’s worries about the future and get them through difficult times. 

Also, being part of a community of people who share your beliefs helps develop a sense of belonging.  A friend of mine recently joined a Buddhist practice.   It has not only brought her a new sense of purpose, but also a group of new acquaintances with whom she can engage on a spiritual level.

Faith does not necessarily require a belief in a higher being or energy.  You could have faith in life:  faith that things will work out fine, that you will get that job you’re desperately seeking for, that you will find a way to pay those bills, that your children will be happy and balanced throughout their lives, faith that things happen for a reason.

There is an important difference between hope and faith.  Hope is the desire to see something happen.  Faith is the indubitable knowledge that things always  turn out the way they should. 

It’s not always easy to have faith. Because of negative experiences, people often lose it.  To gain it back, you really need to work at reconnecting with your deeper self.    When you succeed, faith can really help alleviate worries and stress.  In the end, no matter the outcome, if you keep believing that everything will be alright, you are bound to benefit from a better state of mind.  ALLELUIA!

DAY 76 - A LITTLE PIECE OF HAPPINESS

Day 76

After I wrote about the positive impact of dark chocolate on the mood, I went to the store and bought a big box of dark chocolate.  I have chocolate in my car, at home and at work.  You never know when you’re going to need a little boost of happiness.

I now take the time to savor mindfully one piece of chocolate a day.  I do not allow myself to indulge too much in it.  I practice, as many Ancient Greeks philosophers recommended, moderation.   So everyday, at around 10 am, I eat a little piece of happiness. 

The incredible thing about this new habit is not only the pleasure it provides me, but the fact that it enables me to share my happiness.  I very often give out little pieces of happiness to my colleagues.  During the brief conversations we have around that delightful treat, there always seems to be lots of laughter.  People love chocolate and the mere view of it is sometimes enough to lift their spirit.

My students are also benefiting from that new purchase.  Every time we play a game, I offer the winner a chocolate bar.  It increases their motivation and desire to do well, and the winner always comes out of class with a gigantic smile.

Yesterday, as I was leaving school, I met my boss.  He seemed a little preoccupied.  I opened my glove compartment, took a chocolate and handed him a bar of happiness.  His face lit up and I saw that for a brief moment, he was happy.

Purchasing a whole box of chocolate was designed to bring me happiness.  In the end, what has brought me the most happiness is being able to share that happiness with others. 

DAY 75 - LEARNING HOW TO BREATHE

Day 75

When I was 20 years old, I wanted to save money to travel to Europe.  After weeks of searching for a job, I finally found work as an office clerk.  I have always known that I could never have a 9 to 5 job.  Although this position was going to allow me to save a lot of money for my trip, it still created a lot of anxiety in me.  I felt imprisoned, in an office all day, filing paper.  For the two months I worked there, I lost the ability to breathe deeply.  I remember complaining about it to my friends who thought it was quite funny. 

When we are born, we naturally breathe properly.  As we grow older and are confronted with stress, anxiety and worry, our breathing slowly shifts. It becomes more shallow.  This «chest » breathing can actually impact our energy level. We breathe in oxygen and we breathe out carbon dioxide.  Too much oxygen and not enough carbon dioxide can lead to an agitated state while too much carbon dioxide and not enough oxygen can create fatigue and depression.  

Proper breathing technique is central to the ancient practices of yoga and other meditation disciplines.  The reason being that breathing has an impact on our physical and emotional states.

Learning to breathe in an out slowly from the nose and through the diaphragm can help create balance in our oxygen and carbon dioxide levels. One technique is called "4-7-8..   You inhale to the count of four, hold the breath to the count of seven, and slowly exhale to the count of eight.

Breathing properly takes time and practice.  After years of improper technique, it is not easy to change.  However, by becoming conscious of our breathing throughout the day at different times and making this change a priority, we can help alleviate tension, anxiety and fatigue in a simple accessible way.  We have been taking breathing for granted for way too long, maybe it’s time for us to start paying attention to it a little more.

Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts. ~  Thich Nhat Hanh

Here is an interesting article on three different breathing techniques: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html