DAY 367 - BECOMING MORE CREATIVE

Day 367

A couple of weeks ago, on his facebook page, my cousin posted a link to a talk on creativity by comedian John Cleese.  I watched it and, of course, it made me think about the relationship between creativity and happiness.  When we think about the greatest artists, poets, writers, etc, who have made history thanks to their tremendous imagination and creativity, we often think of tortured souls.  Funny enough, recent studies have shown that happiness breeds creativity more than misery does.  Creative expression probably serves as a catharsis when in pain,  but emotional despair is, according to studies, in no way conducive to creativity.

The reason why creativity is so important is that it can be used in all spheres of life.  Isn't it at the basis of problem-solving?  And, whether at work or at home, who has never been confronted with a problem that needs solving?

Some people believe that they are not creative.  In fact, creativity is within all of us, it is just a matter of finding a way to release it.

Here is a brief summary of Cleese's talk:

First of all, for Cleese, creativity is not a talent.  It is not an ability you have or don't have and it is not related to IQ.  It is a way of operating.

He believes there are two modes of operating: Open and Closed. Obviously, you are creative when you are open.

Closed

In this mode, creativity is not possible.  With everything we have to do, most of us tend to be in this mode most of the time.  The words associated with this mode are active, slightly anxious, impatient, a bit of tension, purposeful.

Open

We are in this mode when we are daydreaming, relaxing.  Words associated with this mode:  relaxed, expansive, contemplative, inclined to humor, playful, curiosity for curiosity sake, not under pressure.

In order to be creative,  you need to be in an open mode. Inversely, you need to be in a closed mode when implementing a solution.

According to Cleese, the problem is that we get stuck in the closed mode.

Specifically, Cleese outlines "the 5 factors that you can arrange to make your lives more creative”:

1) Space : “You can’t become playful, and therefore creative, 

if you’re under your usual pressures.”

2) Time: "It’s not enough to create space; you have to create

your space for a specific period of time.”

3) Time: “Giving your mind as long as possible to come up 

with something original,” and learning to tolerate 

the discomfort of pondering time and indecision.

4) Confidence: “Nothing will stop you being creative

so effectively as the fear of making a mistake.”

5) Humor: “The main evolutionary significance of humor is that

it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything else.”

I have noticed myself that whether I am writing, singing, drawing or doing anything else that requires me to be creative, If I think about it too much or I stress about getting it right, the result is never as good as when I feel relaxed and without any pressure.

And I feel great happiness when I'm being creative... no matter the area of my life involved!  So, taking the means to become more creative and be in a more "open mode" can only be beneficial in a quest for happiness!

Here is a link to Cleese's talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VShmtsLhkQg

DAY 366 -INSPIRATIONAL PEOPLE - HUGH MCCOLL, 90 YEARS OLD

Day 366

How do you picture yourself at 90 years old?  Most of us think that at the ripe age of 90, you don't have much energy, you sit around all day and live in an old folks home, waiting to die.  It doesn't have to be that way.  It's often a question of choice.

And it is not the choice that Hugh McColl made.  After retiring,  at the age of 75, this Edmonton resident decided to take up boxing. He fell in love with the sport and has been practicing it ever since.  Last year, he celebrated his 90th birthday by putting on his gloves and stepping into the ring.  

Hugh McColl attributes his longevity to the practice of the sport, stating that it not only keeps him healthy physically, but it also allows him to remain sharp mentally.

The truth is, the image people have of old age influences their behaviour.  Who says you can't be in the best shape of your life later on, at the age of  50, 60, 70 or even 80.  Who says that everybody physically peaks at 25 years old?  There is no age to start making the right choices.

At 50 years old, my friend Gianni started going to the gym regularly and making exercise a part of his life.  Four years later, he is in the best shape he has ever been!  I can vow for it, I've known him for 15 years.  The father of my friend Christina,  John, who had a heart attack last year, recently told me that he hasn't felt this healthy and in shape in years.  After his heart attack, he started exercising.  He works out 3 to 4 times a week, despite the fact that he went through heart surgery and has a pacemaker.

The process of ageing cannot be avoided.  It is a natural part of life.  However, keeping a positive attitude and making the right choices, no matter your age, can make you live longer and happier.  In he end, it always comes down to having a vision, a goal, and working towards achieving it, at 90 as well as at 20.

Here is a link to a report that was done on Hugh McColl in the Edmonton Sun.  The video is worth watching: http://www.edmontonsun.com/2011/05/18/90yearold-boxer-still-going-strong

DAY 365 - ORLANDO - THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

Day 365

When our plane landed in Orlando, the flight attendant said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Orlando, the happiest place on earth." As you know, happiness is a topic that greatly interests me so I was more than ready to analyze and experience what happiness meant in this man made fantasy world.

I went to Orlando for four days with my kids, Christina and her kids, without our husbands who had to stay back and work.  We had been planning to go to Walt Disney for the past three years.  And we finally did it!

We didn't want to spend the four full days we were there visiting the Walt Disney Parks.  We decided that we would go on the first two days and stay by the pool on the last two.

Everything worked out as we planned.  And we discovered that magic at Walt Disney really exists!  For the two days we visited the parks, we felt we were on a constant high, discovering a new unbelievable ride or attraction every step we made.  Christina had insisted on hiring a tour guide.  And I'm happy she did.  It was a great decision.  It made us save a lot of time, so we got to see more of the parks.  The children were as happy as can be, appreciating and being thankful for everything we were doing for them.  They were real troopers, never complaining about any of our decisions, their eyes sparkling with wonder and amazement! They were really excited, enthusiastic and happy!

My critical eye, however, saw things that left me with a little bitter taste.  When you see the amount of money spent at Walt Disney and the amount of waste created by it, you have to wonder!!!!!  Every time you come out of a ride, you go through a store full of little characters and memorabilia.   It's consumerism at it's best! And it was a little disturbing to me.  In fact, the only time I got upset at my kids is when I told them they could choose one item to buy.  My youngest daughter couldn't choose.  She wanted everything and felt disappointed that she could only choose one single thing!

Nevertheless, our time spent there was enjoyable.  When I was 10 years old, I had gone to Walt Disney, so for me going there also meant reliving a part of my own childhood.  And I did.  I saw myself through my children experiencing the magic for the first time.

But the question is: "Is Orlando really the happiest place on earth?"  Well, it is a place where you can have FUN and create MEMORIES and really live in the PRESENT moment and those elements can definitely be part of a quest for HAPPINESS.  Is it the happiest place on earth?  Well, I have my doubts...  Whether you're at Walt Disney or anywhere else, you are always stuck within yourself perceiving  the world. In the end, where you are never really matters!   

DAY 364 - FIGHTING THE WINTER BLUES ONCE AGAIN

DAY 364

It's that time of year again.  The routine has settled in, the sun is becoming less and less present and the cold weather is slowly creeping in. In order to remain healthy both physically and emotionally throughout this period, it is essential to find ways to keep the spirit up and the "blues" at bay.    I have blogged many times about the things one could do, take, eat and avoid to maximize happiness.  Those daily choices become even more important during this time of year...

What to do...

- Exercise - Not enough could be said about the benefits of exercise.  It releases endorphins,serotonin and dopamine in the brain which will help you feel calmer, happier and sleep better. 

- Meditate - Take 5, 10 or 15 minutes to empty your mind at the beginning and/or at the end of the day.  It might be hard at the beginning, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

- Practise yoga - There is a good reason why practising yoga is becoming so popular.  This ancient practice helps develop flexibility and strength while promoting self-awareness, calmness and reducing stress!

What to avoid...

- Avoid sugar, coffee and sodas - They might momentarily boost your energy level, but the surge will  inevitably be followed by a crash of energy that can impact your mood.

- Avoid the couch potato syndrome - Sitting on your sofa to watch t.v or being in front of a computer screen facebooking might sound like an appealing option for the winter (who wants to go out when it's 20 below 0?!!!!),   but inactivity will actually deplete you of your energy!!!!

What to take...

-Eat lots of fruit and vegetables.  They contain vitamins that will boost your immune system and help you fight the winter 'bugs', which could in turn affect your energy levels and your mood.

- Incorporate protein in your meals - The addition of healthy lean protein such as skinless poultry, seafood, round or loin cuts of red meat, tofu, quinoa, eggs, and low-fat dairy, will help slow the absorption of carbohydrate in the blood. Furthermore, dopamine and norepinephrine are released after eating protein, making you feel more alert and focused for hours after eating.

- Boost your intake of Omega-3's -

Food rich in omega-3 fatty acids can be mood-lifting: salmon, Atlantic mackerel and sardines, ground flaxseeds, walnuts, canola oil, soy nuts and omega-3 fortified eggs.

- Get your B-vitamins  - Folate and vitamin B12 may influence mood by playing a role in serotonin production. Studies have shown that low blood levels of these vitamins are sometimes related to depression.

Food rich in folate: fortified whole grain breakfast cereals, lentils, black eyes peas, soybeans, oatmeal, mustard greens, beets, broccoli, sunflower seeds, wheat germ and oranges, almonds.

Food rich in vitamin B12:shellfish, wild salmon (fresh or canned), fortified whole grain breakfast cereal, lean beef, low-fat dairy, and eggs.

- Get your vitamin D

Found in the sun, Vitamin D releases serotonin in the brain and acts as a mood-booster. It also boosts your immune system.  Because there is less exposure to the sun in winter, it might be a good idea to take a Vitamin D supplement.

Finally, be creative, kind, grateful... and most of all try to  ENJOY IT... Winter will be over sooner than you think!!!!

DAY 363 - WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL BEST?

Day 363

During our summer holiday, we went to Cape Cod, Massachussetts, to visit some friends who had rented a house there for a month.  We stayed for five days and had the chance to reconnect with our friends and have great conversations on education, spirituality and life in general.  They have five beautiful daughters between the ages of 3 and 11years old, so their life is even more hectic than ours.

As I was having a conversation with the husband in the couple, he said something that I thought was very simple but valuable for anyone looking to improve their life.  He said that at the end of each day, he looks back and evaluates if during the course of the day he was the best that he could be.

If happiness is about accumulating positive experiences and making the right choices, then insuring that you are the best that you could be on a daily basis could only lead to an increase in your overall well being.  

This doesn't mean beating yourself up at the end of the day for not keeping up with your idea of a perfect day.  It only means taking the time to evaluate the good and bad choices that you've made and, at the same time, keeping track of the things you want to do to improve your daily life and your level of happiness.

The best you can be obviously depends on your individual values and circumstances as well as the goals you have set for yourself.  In my case, it means, eating healthy, exercising, living in the present, being creative in some way, being kind, thoughtful and patient with my children, my husband, my family and my friends, having the feeling that I have accomplished something, giving to others, meditating, etc.  

There are so many aspects of our circumstances that we have no control over, it only makes sense that with the aspects of our lives we do have control over, we maximize our chances of being happy by relentlessly making the right choices on a daily basis.

"Remember that the most difficult tasks are consummated, not by a single explosive burst of energy or effort, but by the constant daily application of the best you have within you." 

Og Mandino

DAY 362- THE JOY OF ENDING 25 YEARS OF PROCRASTINATION

Day 362

This week, after 25 years of procrastination, I finally began a drawing class with my friend Donna.  Let me first tell you that getting to that class on Thursday nights requires a great deal of determination on my part.  I first have to go home (I arrive at about 4:30pm) , prepare dinner for my children and make sure they do their homework.  Then, I have to bring them to their gymnastics class for 5:30 (in the north part of town during rush hour) and, afterwards, go all the way downtown (which is in the south part of town) for my three-hour class....

So obviously this week I was a little late to class, and my teacher reprimanded me (Give me a break!)... When I arrived, students were introducing themselves.  I have always hated that part of a class.  "Hi, my name is Janet and I'm here because I would like to add color to my life". PLEASE!!!!The funny thing is, I never remember anybody's name, what they do, etc.  But I guess it's a convention, and all teachers do it!

I was really excited to begin, ready to take on the world and draw it!  "For your first exercise, come closer", the teacher said.  Excitedly I thought: "Here it comes....my first drawing exercise!" " This is how you sharpen a pencil with an exacto knife", she explained.  I thought she was kidding!  Sharpen a pencil! You mean I waited 25 years to learn how to sharpen a pencil!

This being said, there were wonderful moments throughout the class when I felt completely absorbed, or as Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi would call it, in a state of flow.  All right, so maybe my expectations were a little high.  After 25 years of waiting, maybe I romanticized what a  drawing class would be like.  And maybe I won't become a great artist after this class, but no matter what I am going to learn, I know that for three hours in the week, I will be able to forget about time, problems, worries and really live the moment!

And how about you?  Is there something you have been procrastinating about for a long time?????

DAY 361 - BACK TO THE SAME OLD ROUTINE

Day 361

I always dread going back to work.  I really enjoy the summer and the freedom I have during that time of year.  However, through the years, I've come to realize that I'm never really able to be productive in the summer. At the end of the schoolyear, I often have a list of projects I intend to pursue during the summer, but somehow I never seem to be able to schedule them into my busy days (pool, bicycle, excursion, etc.).  Perhaps, it's because I have so many obligations during the year, so that in the summer I become allergic to 'have-tos'.  All I know is that I often get the feeling at the end of the summer that I didn't have the time to do half the things I intended to do!

Inversely, although I find it difficult to go back to having a routine, I feel that when I do, I'm able to accomplish so much more.  And, at the end of the day, I'm generally left with a feeling of genuine satisfaction.  All right, so I don't necessarily enjoy every single moment of the day and maybe I'm not in the best of moods at all times (ask my husband and children), but I'm being productive and, in a global sense, it gives me a sense of purpose.

Many people wish to win millions of dollars to gain the freedom to do whatever they want with their lives (stop working, travel more, etc.).  I believe that no matter how much money you have, you need a purpose, a reason to wake up in the morning and go on with your day, a sense that you're somehow contributing to society.  That's why people planning your  retirement is so important.  Many people dream of the day they will stop working, but then, when they do, they feel a void in their life.  I love my summer holidays... I love waking up in the morning when I want, with no plan in mind...  I love being able to enjoy my freedom... But my life could never only be about that!

DAY 360 - SUMMERTIME... AND THE LIVING IS EASY

Day 360

Like many people, summer is my favorite time of year.  It probably has to do with the fact that I need a lot of freedom and winter is restrictive in many ways. In winter, when you go out,  you need to put on layers of clothes which restrain your movements. You can't enjoy your morning coffee and meals  outdoor.... But what I enjoy the most about summer, since I'm completely off work, is not having a tight schedule, trying to fit in work, chores, kids homework and activities, etc, in one short day.   

However, I must admit, I probably don't enjoy summer as much as I should.  

Yesterday,  I was talking with my brother's neighbor who is also a teacher.  She was complaining about the fact that we only have three weeks left of vacation.  I had obviously been thinking about the same thing, feeling very guilty about my spoiled attitude: most people only get two weeks off in the summer.  As teachers, we are so privileged...

It made me think about human nature.  It seems like no matter what we have, we always want more.  I have nine weeks of vacation each summer.  Comparatively speaking, it's amazing!!!!! I get to spend time with my kids doing activities, going on vacation,etc.,  all summer long.  However, somehow, I'm already apprehensively looking at time go by,  slightly complaining about the fact that I'm going back to a scheduled routine.

I certainly make a point of being thankful for what I have.  But although theoretically I can name all the things I am grateful for, I find it very challenging to always FEEL how privileged I am.  

I guess we all have a baseline of expectations, depending on our current situation and, although it is possible to intellectually conceptualize what it's like not to have what we have, it is very hard to internalize something you haven't experienced. I have never had only two weeks off in the summer!

This being said, I am still very happy about the summer I am having. And I know I am fortunate to be able to spend so much time with my family.  It leaves me little time to write,  but happiness is also about living life not only writing about it!

DAY 359 - THE MOVE

DAY 359

Living room

So what has happiness been in the last few months.... I think, first of all, I have discovered a love for decoration... I have truly enjoyed trying to create a beautiful and welcoming home.  I realized how, through time, my taste has evolved.  

When we first moved into our previous house, we loved antiques. Therefore, whether it was an antique or not, all our furniture had an old looking style.  Our walls were painted in yellow and orange colors.  All our decor was done in bright, vivid tones.  We moved there in our early thirties... we were building our life, we needed energy...

Now, we are middle-aged (god that sounds so awful!).  We need to slow down time.  We feel like we are always running.  So, in our new house, we chose relaxing, zen colors.  The decor is modern.  The lines are pure.  We don't have anything hanging on the walls yet.. and my husband and I both like it that way! We're so busy, we don't want our house to feel busy.  We wanted to create a calming, appeasing atmosphere and I think we have succeeded in doing so.

It was heart-wrenching for me to leave my old house.  I felt like I was leaving behind a period of my life - the house where my children were born, where they took their first steps.  When I left, after the movers had taken all of our belongings, I went into my car alone and cried. I felt sad, nostalgic. I was mourning the passing of time.

But, as we all know, the end of something is the beginning of something new.  As soon as I arrived to our new house, and the movers started to unload the truck, I had already turned the page. And today, although I still have moments of nostalgia, when I am in my new house, I feel happy!  I feel like I have been renewed.  I feel like a new wonderful period of my life has begun.

DAY 358 - THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE!

Day 358

I've now been thinking about happiness for almost 2 years.  I know so much more about it in a theoretical sense.  I know what I need to do in order to be happy.... Do I always apply my knowledge?  Well, not always but certainly more than before.  One of the things I've realized is that life has to be lived in the simplest way in order to be joyful.  No need for a luxurious cruise on the Nile or a safari in Kenya (which I would do any time if I had the opportunity).   But, there are cheaper ways to find happiness!

Today, one of my Facebook friends posted this image on her wall.

It reminded me of the simple things I need to include in my everyday life in order to make it better:

Hugs and kisses - You never give or receive enough of them.  They always feel good and, physiologically speaking, they never fail to make you feel happy.

Smiles - Smiling can help trigger a moment of joy in your life and into other people's lives.  And as Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

Friends and family - It has been proven over and over again people with strong and broad social relationships are happier, healthier and live longer.

Love - I will just repeat what George Sand, female French writer, said: "There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved".

Sleep - How can you be happy if you feel exhausted?  Sleeping well helps you think clearly, be in a better mood (I know I'm very crabby when I'm sleep deprived) and obviously have energy to do all the things you love to do.

Good memories - Good memories are created daily.  Making sure you have happy moments every day of your life forces you to live in the present as well as create a bank of memories that could increase your happiness later on.

Being happy doesn't mean having everything you've ever wanted.  It means appreciating and using everything that is accessible to you to create the conditions that are conducive to happiness.

Have a happy day!!!!

DAY 357 - FINDING PURPOSE IN LIFE

Day 357

I've already established that finding a purpose to life is essential when it comes to happiness.  How can you be happy if you have no idea why you're doing what you're doing? Although this makes total sense, I have gone through phases where I wondered if THAT is it, if  THAT's all there is to life.

But then again, something deep inside me tells me that life cannot only be about going through your everyday routine, impatiently waiting for the weekend to socialize with your family and friends.  There has to be a deeper meaning. And for each of us, it's a different one.  It's just a matter of discovering what it is. Many sites on internet offer you ways to find out your purpose in life.  That's because so many people feel lost, trapped in a perpetual fast-speed, goal-oriented world.  And when they stop to try to make sense of it all, they cannot.

We're here, on earth,  for a very short period of time and whether you believe there is life after death or not, whether you believe in God or not, what really matters is trying to find out meaning to your life so that you can be happy and start doing what you were meant to do.

A friend of mine recently went through some kind of midlife crisis.  During one of our conversations, she pinpointed what I saw as being one of the ways to find out the purpose of your life.  She asked me if I had ever thought of what I would be remembered for after I die, what my legacy would be.

It made me think that life's purpose is about digging into your most profound being and finding out who you are, including your values and your talents, in order to make the right choices and insuring that what you're remembered for is an accurate representation of who you were.

And to really give your life purpose, your talents, abilities and values should be put in the service of others.  Nobody lives in a bubble, we are all interconnected.   And your legacy is not about you, it's about the people whose lives were somehow bettered thanks to you.

DAY 356 - IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR...

Day 356

Last weekend, we had a big family reunion.  All my aunts, cousins and their children were present.  We hadn't had such a family gathering in more than 5 years, so I was really excited and happy about seing everyone.

Molokhia

As you can imagine, being Mediterranean, food was a the center of the event.  My mother prepared her famous Molokhia, an Egyptian traditional dish, while my aunt baked her delicious Basboussa, an Egyptian dessert made with semolina.

As I always do, at a certain moment during the evening, I sat back and observed.  Everyone was talking, trying to catch up on lost time.  It all felt so familiar.  Although, we hadn't seen one another in years, it took very little time to reconnect. 

It was interesting to see how everyone had aged.  Life definitely leaves an inprint on people's faces, and sadness as well as happiness somehow finds its way into the wrinkles. 

Looking at everyone reminded me once again of how important it is to work on making happiness-inducing decisions in life...  It is so easy to lose focus and get stuck in a less-than-stimulating routine. Making every day count is not easy, but worthwhile.

We all left the party feeling very happy to have spent time together.  For a few hours, we all escaped our routine and reconnected with people we love.  It was simple, fun and it brought joy to so many of us... Maybe happiness is not as complicated as we think!

DAY 355 -I'M BACK

DAY 355

I haven't been writing for four months.  I can't believe how time flies.  At first, I believed I would be able to only write once in a while.  That's because I didn't foresee what was going to happen to me.    

Yes, I was busy packing boxes, buying fixtures, curtains and furniture for the new house, making sure the renovations were progressing as planned, taking care of my children, etc.  Yes, I didn't have much time to write.

But, it's not only the fact that I was physically busy trying to accomplish so much...  It's as though I didn't have any mental space left.  It's as though all my brain space was taken up by the project I was involved in.  I couldn't write the thoughts I was having about my experience because I was immersed in the present moment, swimming as fast as I could in order to try to get to shore on time.

Renovations and moving are said to be amongst the most stressful events in life... I was doing both... and in the middle of the school year on top it.

I often had thoughts about what I was experiencing.  But I couldn't imagine taking the time to write them down.  I had to focus on the task at hand and move forward.  Only now do I feel like I'm ready to analyze what I have experienced in the last few months and share once again my thoughts on happiness.

Am I going to have the same discipline I used to have?  Maybe not.  But I do know I will reach my destination of 500 days, no matter how long it takes me to get there.

DAY 354 - GUILT, GUILT, GO AWAY, COME AGAIN SOME OTHER DAY!

Day 354

I didn't write a post yesterday and felt very guilty about it. I have been very disciplined about writing, so I felt like I was letting myself down as well as my readers. Sometimes, we put so much pressure on ourselves!  It's not that I didn't want to write, but I really didn't have time.  And I know that in the next couple of months, life will get busier and busier. 

Between renovating my new house (renovations began yesterday), packing for the move, working at the school, housework and taking care of my children, spare time will surely become scarce.

It made me think that the primary goal of my 500-days-to-happiness journey is to discover and experience happiness.  In that sense, self-inflicted guilt is somewhat counterproductive.  I need to accept the fact that for two months or so, it will be harder for me to be as consistent with my writing as I have been in the last year and a half. 

Writing brings me so much happiness.  All alone in front of my computer, I love to research, reflect and take the time to express my thoughts.  I become submerged in  my own little bubble and I truly enjoy it.

However, I know that temporarily, I might not have as much time to indulge in it.  I need to prioritize and focus on what needs to be done (boxes, renovations and obviously, taking care of my children).  We are moving in less than a month and a half and I have so much to do  until then.

So, no more guilt feelings!!!!  They're not going to lead me anywhere.  I'll do what I can to continue writing, but when it is not possible, I won't.  And I know, that sooner than later, I'll have moved into my new home and no longer feel as overwhelmed as I do now!

DAY 353 - DEALING WITH CHRONIC COMPLAINERs

Day 353

Are there people around you who are always complaining?  Some people just seem to find something wrong in the most wonderful situation and I AM NOW COMPLAINING ABOUT THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE.

In every situation, if you really look carefully, you could always find something to critize.  Some people specialize in discovering those defects, even in the most wonderful situations.  They are chronic complainers.  I'm not talking about people who are pessimistic, who internalize their suffering and see the glass half empty.  I'm talking about those who can see that the glass is half full, but they think that it could be fuller or, they find the water in the glass too warm or too cold.

Let me just tell you, right away, that I am generally of an enthusiastic nature.  I truly feel blessed (which doesn't mean I am not afflicted with negative thoughts) and I always try to focus on the positive part of any kind of experience. (I'm obviously not talking about experiences that are negative by definition, but neutral ones).

When I go to the movies with my students and the story of the movie that is chosen is questionable, I always try to point out to them that the obljective of the activity is the language and that if they were able to follow the story, they greatly benefited from the activity.  So, even though they didn't like the story so much, they come out of the movie theatre feeling content and confident that they could watch a movie in english.

So how do you deal with chronic complainers?  One of the things I have noticed, is that if you try to show them a more enthusiastic view, they'll keep arguing until you agree with them. In fact, what they are really looking for, is some sort of validation of their emotional state.  In general, giving them what they need - compassion and validation of their emotion - will be far more helpful in making them stop complaining then arguing the validity of their criticism.  They'll feel like they are being understood.

This being said, it is probably better to keep those kinds of people at bay -  they'll dampen your mood when you're happy, they'll drag you down when you're in the mood to fly.  However, if you are stuck with a chronic complainer (aren't we all in some way?), learning to minimize contact and avoid  how complaining-oriented conversations is probably the best way to go.

“The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects.”

 Lord Jeffrey (1773-1850, Scottish judge and literary critic)

DAY 352 - INSPIRATIONAL WEDNESDAY - WILLIAM MCDONOUGH, ENVIRONMENTAL DESIGNER, AUTHOR OF CRADLE TO CRADLE

Day 352

This morning, I went to have a coffee with one of my friends who is a documentary filmmaker.  She spoke to me about a book that was made into a documentary called Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way we Make Things .  I had heard of the book, but as she was talking about her own fascination with the ideas portrayed in it, I became more and more interested myself.

Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way we Make things was written by an architect by the name of William McDonough with the help of a chemist named Michael Braungart.  The book suggests ways of creating products and services based on patterns found in nature, eliminating the concept of waste entirely and prioritizing health and sustainability.

It takes inspiration from nature, in which there is never any waste.  The rotten apple feeds the earth which in turn will help produce more apples.  For the two authors, our long-term prosperity depends on the ability of our industries to find ways to maintain materials in "closed loops" as is found in nature,  maximizing material value without damaging ecosystems. They draw up real ways of doing it, by giving practical advice.

We all know that we need to take care of the environment.  What I find interesting with McDonough's approach is that he doesn't bash the industries that pollute, he suggests constructive ways of implementing positive change without losing sight of the bottom line, which is always money.

McDonough has been involved and active in trying to better the environment since the nineties. He has been named "Hero of the Planet" in 1999 and "Hero of the Environment" in 2007 by Time magazine.  He's won a great amount of prizes underlining his innovative approach to sustainability.  In that sense, he definitely serves as an inspiration and reminds us that to take care of our world, we all need to start thinking outside of the box and use our creativity.

Here is a link to a TED talk given by WIlliam McDonough:

http://www.ted.com/talks/william_mcdonough_on_cradle_to_cradle_design.html

DAY 351 - DRAWING MY WAY TO HAPPINESS

Day 351 

Drawing of my husband

When you've lived in the same place for many years, you forget about the existence of some of the things you own.  On Saturday morning, my husband wanted to make some boxes.  He decided to empty the hallway closet.  On the top shelf, hidden behind our luggages,  he discovered a container full of my old painting material. 

There was a phase in my life when I spent hours and hours drawing and painting.  I've never taken a class, although I've always wanted to. I just really enjoyed doing it.  Those two activities never failed to put me in a meditative and relaxing state.

As I looked through my old stuff, I discovered a portrait I had made of my husband.  At the time, his hair was longer, so you could see his curls.  I also found a drawing I had made of my friend Christina and a self-portrait. 

Drawing of my yongest daughter

When my youngest daughter saw those portraits, she asked me if I could draw her.  I really didn't know if I'd be able to do it, but I told her I would try.

On Saturday afternoon, while my children were at gymnastics and my husband was out running some errands, I took a white sheet, a pencil and a photograph of my daughter and started drawing. Right away, I got into it, focusing on reproducing the lines and features of my daughter's face.  It took me about half an hour. The result is not perfect, but it allowed me to rediscover the pleasure of drawing. 

Many positive psycholigists believe that in order to achieve happiness, you should try to find activities that put you in a state of 'flow', activities in which you feel so immersed and reenergized that you forget about time, space, and any problem you might have!

Painting and drawing definitely both help me achieve that state.

     

    

DAY 350 - THE ART OF GIVING

Day 350

The former owners of the house we have bought left many pieces of furniture, including a whole dining room set, a stove, a microwave oven, twin beds, a futon, etc.  Initially, we thought that maybe we could sell them and use the money to buy all the things we will need for our new home.

So, the little greedy angel on my left shoulder was thinking "we could make money with this" while the giving and generous angel on my right shoulder was thinking "we should give it to someone who needs it".  However, the more I thought of it, the more I felt that selling it was not the right thing to do. After all, these things were given to us.

In the end, I decided that it was a great opportunity to help people who might be in need...

The first people that came to my mind were my students.  Many of them are new immigrants looking for a job and struggling with money.  So, I took pictures of all the furniture that was there and showed it to them.  On Saturday, six or seven of them,  showed up with little cans borrowed from friends and got what they had chosen.

They were all so appreciative and happy.  One of my students is a single mother of three children, who was born in Ecuador.  She came to Canada in search for a better life.  I don't know her whole story, only bits and pieces, but I don't think things have been that easy for her.  She took a twin bed for her daughter with a nice wooden dresser and a mirror and another twin bed for her son...

Giving to all those students brought me much more happiness than the few dollars I would have made selling the furniture.  It felt so good being able to bring some joy to my students.

It reminded me once again that, although out of habit and probably because of attachment to material goods, we sometimes tend to adopt a selfish and greedy attitude, generosity and the act of giving are far more fulfilling.

 "Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in Giving Creates Love.”

Lao Tsu

"Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted."
Buddha

DAY 349 -DOING IT THE FINNISH WAY!

Day 349

This morning, my students had to make a presentation on their passion.  One of them talked about her love for Finnish baths and all other types of therapeutic baths.  She told us that, when she can, she likes to go and spend a day at the Spa.  I also enjoy doing that.  Unfortunately, I don't get to indulge in that kind of activity as much as I would like. 

As we were looking at the pamphlets she brought to illustrate her presentation, I was thinking about the fact that in Canada, these little pleasures are truly a luxury.  It is not the case for many other parts of the world, especially for Finland!

In Finland, for a population of 5 million people, there are 2 million saunas.  It is the only country where there are more saunas than cars.  Rich or poor, every family owns one. 

In Finland, the sauna is used for rites of passage. It is a place where children are born and where women go through the purification ritual before marriage. It is also where old people sometimes drag themselves to leave this world in peace and warmth. Until today, some older generation Finns boast about being born in the sauna, it is a national passion and an integral part of their civil identity.

As a general rule women and men bathe separately, except within the family.   In the sauna, there are heated stones onto which you throw water to create steam. Some Finns also lightly beat themselves with traditional whisks made of bunches of birch leaves to stimulate the circulation of blood. Every now and then, they  leave the heat room to take a shower, swim or, in winter, roll into snow to cool off, only to return to the sauna afterwards.  The ritual can last from 20 minutes up to two hours or more.

According to etiquette, in Finland, one should shower before going into the sauna. Children are taught very young to behave in the sauna like they would in church. A minimum amount of noise and no swear words are acceptable in the sauna. Everyone goes in naked. Traditionally, people use the saunas on  Saturdays.

In North America, baths have not become such a custom and are still only available to those who have money to afford them.  Yet, they could really help release tension and promote mental health, if only they were made more available.

DAY 348 - INPIRATIONAL PEOPLE - JESUS CHRIST

Day 348

Let me start off by saying that I was raised Catholic. Growing up, I believed that Jesus Christ was the son of God. Later on, I developed my own sets of beliefs. Nevertheless, I have always believed that  that Jesus truly existed and led a life that could serve as an inspiration to us all.

Contrarily to what many may think, Jesus Christ was not born in the year 0.  Most scholars agree on that because of astronomical signs recorded in the Bible and different political events of the time; Jesus was probably born in 4 or 6 BC. 

His story was written about 50 to 100 years after his death.  There have been many debates on who the authors of the Gospels.  Until this day, there isn't a real consensus. However, because of similarities between the various accounts of his life, the accuracy of some elements of his life are no longer disputed.  Many Gospels were found.  However, four of them (Mark, Luke, John and Matthew) are considered by Christians as authentic.

Very little is known from Jesus' early years.  We do know that he was born into Judaism from Joseph and Mary of Nazareth, that his father was a carpenter, and that he learned that trade from him.  We also know that he was born during the Roman Empire, in a time of great political turmoil.

Some have suggested that during his youth, Jesus travelled to India and Persia where he learned something of India's spiritual tradition before returning to Nazareth to begin his ministry.  His teachings definitely bear similarities to Eastern spirituality.

Jesus gave up all worldly possessions ant traveled around preaching love and forgiveness.  In that way, he set himself apart from old scriptures which had an 'eye for an eye' approach.  He also talked about the fact that the "Kingdom of Heaven" was within all of us, and that to attain this state, we should all be willing to live in simplicity and give up attachment to worldly possessions.

"The kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed; nor will they say, `Lo, here it is!' or `There!' for behold, the kingdom of God is in the midst of you (or "within you") Luke 17:20

Jesus was also known as a healer. The gospels recount many miracles where Jesus was able to heal the sick and even resurrect the dead (Lazarus).

Jesus used his power to help others.  He welcomed outcasts, people at the margins, and people who were

ostracized.  He embraced everyone regardless of their social situation or physical condition.

No matter if you believe that Jesus was the son of God or not, no one can deny that he was an exceptional human being in touch with a spiritual world very few of us ever access.  He used his faith and power to better the world around him.

Unfortunately, history has shown that his message was sometimes lost in the hands of power hungry people.   I still believe that his philosophy and way of life have inspired and continue to inspire millions of people who follow his path and, through every day gestures, positively impact the lives of others.

DAY 347 - WE'RE MOVING ALL UP...

Day 347

Yesterday was an important day for my husband and I!  We officially sold our house.  We went to the notary in the morning and signed all the forms. 

We purchased our triplex in 1999. I remember how excited we were when we found it. We had been searching for a house in this neighbourhood for about two years.  When we walked in, we knew it was ours.  After the visit, my husband and I went into our car, looked at each other and screamed.  We were scared, thrilled, apprehensive, but so happy!  We were becoming homeowners.  For the first time in our lives, we would have to pay a mortgage.  We were in our early thirties at the time, childless, full of hope for the future.

Thirteen years later, we're ready to move on.  We have sold the home we once fell in love and bought a new one.  We are leaving a phase of our lives and entering a new one.  Again, it's exciting and scary at the same time.  We know what we are leaving... the neighbourhood feel, the proximity of some of our best friends, the walks to the neighbourhood butcher, supermarket, drugstore, ice cream shop!   We're used to walking everywhere.  We live in an apartment where everything can be found within walking distance.  Now, we are moving into a more spacious house that has a basement (hurray)  and a garage     (hurray for my husband) in a very residential area.  We are going to have to take our car everywhere.  We are so happy, yet we know this move will require us to adapt to a new lifestyle.    

When I left the notary yesterday, I had tears in my eyes.  Our children were born here.  We have so many wonderful memories attached to this house.  

We've already started packing!  Although we are not moving before the end of March, we decided that it would be a good idea to start making boxes.  It might not be fun, but at the same time, it's giving us the opportunity to get rid of all the clutter we have been accumulating throughout the years.  

We're leaving our apartment with some nostalgia.  But we're looking forward to starting something new.  Moving allows you to get a brand new start.  I love change and so does my husband.  And although I sometimes avoid it because I feel status quo gives me a sense of security, I know that change will be beneficial to me and will open the door to new experiences!    

DAY 346 - BLUE MONDAY - THE MOST DEPRESSING DAY OF THE YEAR

Day 346

Did you wake up depressed this morning?  Well apparently you have reason to be. According to some, today is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.

This day was first identified by psychologist Cliff Arnall in 2005, when he was asked to figure out the most miserable day of the year. Using an elaborate math formula, he came up with the third Monday in January, when the weather is cold, the post -Christmas debt has piled up, New Year's resolutions have been broken and motivation level is at its lowest.

Many psychologists have refuted Arnall's theory and Arnall himself has since urged people not to focus on the negative but instead to use the day as a means of gaining insight into their lives and try to figure out what really makes them happy.

“I’m pleased about the impact it if it means people are talking about depression and how they feel but I’m also encouraging people to refute the whole notion of there being a most depressing day and to use the day as a springboard for the things that really matter in your life,” he told the Telegraph.

In the northern hemisphereThis time of year is probably not the most joyful.  In Montreal, the cold weather has really set in and the only colours you can see are grey, black and brown.  Even the white of the snow, so beautiful in the country, seems gloomy in the city.

I have noticed that many of my colleagues at work have been feeling tired, even though we have just come back from the Christmas Holidays.  That's the reason why during this time of year, it is of utmost importance to make a point of doing all the things that make you happy ( go to the movies, organize a dinner party, go to the spa, etc.





 

DAY 345 - WHAT ARE YOUR 2012 RESOLUTIONS?

Day 345

In 2012, I resolve to lose weight, exercise, eat healthier, meditate, do volunteer work, etc.  Does this sound familiar?  At the beginning of the year, many people make a list of resolutions.  Not many keep them.  Yet, it really IS the best time to implement changes in your life.   As I was doing the countdown on New Year's Eve, I really visualized the fact that I was putting 2011 behind me and starting a new year.  A year where not a line had been written, a year that I was free to draw as I pleased.   So, I made resolutions, like many other people.  And then, I wondered how I could make sure I would keep them.  Here is what I came up with:

Be Specific

The problem with many resolutions is that they are not specific enough.  I remember once reading an interesting article about setting goals and achieving them.  One of things that was mentioned is the importance of being specific in your goals.  It's not enough to say you want to see more of your friends.  You need to specify: "I'll go for coffee with a friend once a week."'

Be optimistic

This week, I asked my students if they had made any resolutions for the New Year.  One of them replied that she hadn't because when she does, she never keeps them.  Obviously, if you start off thinking that you won't keep your resolutions, then you won't.  If you have a positive attitude, you have a better chance.

Be realistic

At the same time, your resolutions cannot be too ambitious.  You have to make sure that realistically you can achieve the goal you set for yourself.  If you set the bar too high, chances are you'll get discouraged.  For instance, if you want to exercise more, start walking everyday at lunch time.  Little steps are often more effective than giant ones because they require less of a drastic change in your lifestyle.

Don't give up

Don't give up after the first drawback.  If you are exercising regularly and you don't go for a week because you got sick, it doesn't mean you should stop.  As soon as you'll start going back, you'll get into it again.  

Think about happiness

Whatever resolution you make, keep your happiness in mind.  I've seen countless people dieting and feeling miserable about it.  Eating healthy doesn't mean eating salad with no dressing!!!!  You need to find ways to better your life!  It might sometimes require you to give up the instant gratification for the bigger purpose, but it doesn't mean giving up all the pleasures of life.   Knowing what brings you lasting happiness can help you make the right choices!

DAY 344 - INSPIRATIONAL WEDNESDAY : J.K. ROWLING, "HARRY POTTER" AUTHOR

Day 344

Joanne Kathleen Rowling was born in 1965 in Yate, England. Rowling admits to having been a bit of a daydreamer as a child and began writing stories at the age of six.  After leaving Exeter University, where she studied French, she started to work as a teacher but dreamed about becoming a writer.

One day, stuck on a delayed train for four hours between Manchester and London, she came up with  the idea of "Harry Potter". That was in 1990. It took her six years to write the first book. In the meantime, she went to teach in Portugal, married a Portuguese television journalist, had her daughter, Jessica and got divorced.  She then returned to Britain .  At that time, Jessica was only three months old. She went to live in Edinburgh to be near her sister, Di, two years younger than her.  It is during that time, while her daughter was still very young, that she completed her first manuscript.

Once it was finished, she randomly sent it to two agents. One year later, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was published.  It was 1996.

Before the publication of the first Harry Potter,  J.K. Rowling, as a single mother, lived in precarity.  Today, after 15 years, she has become one of the most successful and wealthiest writers in England.

My admiration for her comes from the fact that in spite of the hurdles she was confronted with, she kept writing, following her vision.

And her legacy is not insignificant.  The world she has created with her Harry Potter series has marked a whole generation and has now become part of contemporary culture.