DAY 354 - GUILT, GUILT, GO AWAY, COME AGAIN SOME OTHER DAY!

Day 354

I didn't write a post yesterday and felt very guilty about it. I have been very disciplined about writing, so I felt like I was letting myself down as well as my readers. Sometimes, we put so much pressure on ourselves!  It's not that I didn't want to write, but I really didn't have time.  And I know that in the next couple of months, life will get busier and busier. 

Between renovating my new house (renovations began yesterday), packing for the move, working at the school, housework and taking care of my children, spare time will surely become scarce.

It made me think that the primary goal of my 500-days-to-happiness journey is to discover and experience happiness.  In that sense, self-inflicted guilt is somewhat counterproductive.  I need to accept the fact that for two months or so, it will be harder for me to be as consistent with my writing as I have been in the last year and a half. 

Writing brings me so much happiness.  All alone in front of my computer, I love to research, reflect and take the time to express my thoughts.  I become submerged in  my own little bubble and I truly enjoy it.

However, I know that temporarily, I might not have as much time to indulge in it.  I need to prioritize and focus on what needs to be done (boxes, renovations and obviously, taking care of my children).  We are moving in less than a month and a half and I have so much to do  until then.

So, no more guilt feelings!!!!  They're not going to lead me anywhere.  I'll do what I can to continue writing, but when it is not possible, I won't.  And I know, that sooner than later, I'll have moved into my new home and no longer feel as overwhelmed as I do now!

DAY 353 - DEALING WITH CHRONIC COMPLAINERs

Day 353

Are there people around you who are always complaining?  Some people just seem to find something wrong in the most wonderful situation and I AM NOW COMPLAINING ABOUT THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE.

In every situation, if you really look carefully, you could always find something to critize.  Some people specialize in discovering those defects, even in the most wonderful situations.  They are chronic complainers.  I'm not talking about people who are pessimistic, who internalize their suffering and see the glass half empty.  I'm talking about those who can see that the glass is half full, but they think that it could be fuller or, they find the water in the glass too warm or too cold.

Let me just tell you, right away, that I am generally of an enthusiastic nature.  I truly feel blessed (which doesn't mean I am not afflicted with negative thoughts) and I always try to focus on the positive part of any kind of experience. (I'm obviously not talking about experiences that are negative by definition, but neutral ones).

When I go to the movies with my students and the story of the movie that is chosen is questionable, I always try to point out to them that the obljective of the activity is the language and that if they were able to follow the story, they greatly benefited from the activity.  So, even though they didn't like the story so much, they come out of the movie theatre feeling content and confident that they could watch a movie in english.

So how do you deal with chronic complainers?  One of the things I have noticed, is that if you try to show them a more enthusiastic view, they'll keep arguing until you agree with them. In fact, what they are really looking for, is some sort of validation of their emotional state.  In general, giving them what they need - compassion and validation of their emotion - will be far more helpful in making them stop complaining then arguing the validity of their criticism.  They'll feel like they are being understood.

This being said, it is probably better to keep those kinds of people at bay -  they'll dampen your mood when you're happy, they'll drag you down when you're in the mood to fly.  However, if you are stuck with a chronic complainer (aren't we all in some way?), learning to minimize contact and avoid  how complaining-oriented conversations is probably the best way to go.

“The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects.”

 Lord Jeffrey (1773-1850, Scottish judge and literary critic)

DAY 352 - INSPIRATIONAL WEDNESDAY - WILLIAM MCDONOUGH, ENVIRONMENTAL DESIGNER, AUTHOR OF CRADLE TO CRADLE

Day 352

This morning, I went to have a coffee with one of my friends who is a documentary filmmaker.  She spoke to me about a book that was made into a documentary called Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way we Make Things .  I had heard of the book, but as she was talking about her own fascination with the ideas portrayed in it, I became more and more interested myself.

Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way we Make things was written by an architect by the name of William McDonough with the help of a chemist named Michael Braungart.  The book suggests ways of creating products and services based on patterns found in nature, eliminating the concept of waste entirely and prioritizing health and sustainability.

It takes inspiration from nature, in which there is never any waste.  The rotten apple feeds the earth which in turn will help produce more apples.  For the two authors, our long-term prosperity depends on the ability of our industries to find ways to maintain materials in "closed loops" as is found in nature,  maximizing material value without damaging ecosystems. They draw up real ways of doing it, by giving practical advice.

We all know that we need to take care of the environment.  What I find interesting with McDonough's approach is that he doesn't bash the industries that pollute, he suggests constructive ways of implementing positive change without losing sight of the bottom line, which is always money.

McDonough has been involved and active in trying to better the environment since the nineties. He has been named "Hero of the Planet" in 1999 and "Hero of the Environment" in 2007 by Time magazine.  He's won a great amount of prizes underlining his innovative approach to sustainability.  In that sense, he definitely serves as an inspiration and reminds us that to take care of our world, we all need to start thinking outside of the box and use our creativity.

Here is a link to a TED talk given by WIlliam McDonough:

http://www.ted.com/talks/william_mcdonough_on_cradle_to_cradle_design.html

DAY 351 - DRAWING MY WAY TO HAPPINESS

Day 351 

Drawing of my husband

When you've lived in the same place for many years, you forget about the existence of some of the things you own.  On Saturday morning, my husband wanted to make some boxes.  He decided to empty the hallway closet.  On the top shelf, hidden behind our luggages,  he discovered a container full of my old painting material. 

There was a phase in my life when I spent hours and hours drawing and painting.  I've never taken a class, although I've always wanted to. I just really enjoyed doing it.  Those two activities never failed to put me in a meditative and relaxing state.

As I looked through my old stuff, I discovered a portrait I had made of my husband.  At the time, his hair was longer, so you could see his curls.  I also found a drawing I had made of my friend Christina and a self-portrait. 

Drawing of my yongest daughter

When my youngest daughter saw those portraits, she asked me if I could draw her.  I really didn't know if I'd be able to do it, but I told her I would try.

On Saturday afternoon, while my children were at gymnastics and my husband was out running some errands, I took a white sheet, a pencil and a photograph of my daughter and started drawing. Right away, I got into it, focusing on reproducing the lines and features of my daughter's face.  It took me about half an hour. The result is not perfect, but it allowed me to rediscover the pleasure of drawing. 

Many positive psycholigists believe that in order to achieve happiness, you should try to find activities that put you in a state of 'flow', activities in which you feel so immersed and reenergized that you forget about time, space, and any problem you might have!

Painting and drawing definitely both help me achieve that state.

     

    

DAY 350 - THE ART OF GIVING

Day 350

The former owners of the house we have bought left many pieces of furniture, including a whole dining room set, a stove, a microwave oven, twin beds, a futon, etc.  Initially, we thought that maybe we could sell them and use the money to buy all the things we will need for our new home.

So, the little greedy angel on my left shoulder was thinking "we could make money with this" while the giving and generous angel on my right shoulder was thinking "we should give it to someone who needs it".  However, the more I thought of it, the more I felt that selling it was not the right thing to do. After all, these things were given to us.

In the end, I decided that it was a great opportunity to help people who might be in need...

The first people that came to my mind were my students.  Many of them are new immigrants looking for a job and struggling with money.  So, I took pictures of all the furniture that was there and showed it to them.  On Saturday, six or seven of them,  showed up with little cans borrowed from friends and got what they had chosen.

They were all so appreciative and happy.  One of my students is a single mother of three children, who was born in Ecuador.  She came to Canada in search for a better life.  I don't know her whole story, only bits and pieces, but I don't think things have been that easy for her.  She took a twin bed for her daughter with a nice wooden dresser and a mirror and another twin bed for her son...

Giving to all those students brought me much more happiness than the few dollars I would have made selling the furniture.  It felt so good being able to bring some joy to my students.

It reminded me once again that, although out of habit and probably because of attachment to material goods, we sometimes tend to adopt a selfish and greedy attitude, generosity and the act of giving are far more fulfilling.

 "Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in Giving Creates Love.”

Lao Tsu

"Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted."
Buddha

DAY 349 -DOING IT THE FINNISH WAY!

Day 349

This morning, my students had to make a presentation on their passion.  One of them talked about her love for Finnish baths and all other types of therapeutic baths.  She told us that, when she can, she likes to go and spend a day at the Spa.  I also enjoy doing that.  Unfortunately, I don't get to indulge in that kind of activity as much as I would like. 

As we were looking at the pamphlets she brought to illustrate her presentation, I was thinking about the fact that in Canada, these little pleasures are truly a luxury.  It is not the case for many other parts of the world, especially for Finland!

In Finland, for a population of 5 million people, there are 2 million saunas.  It is the only country where there are more saunas than cars.  Rich or poor, every family owns one. 

In Finland, the sauna is used for rites of passage. It is a place where children are born and where women go through the purification ritual before marriage. It is also where old people sometimes drag themselves to leave this world in peace and warmth. Until today, some older generation Finns boast about being born in the sauna, it is a national passion and an integral part of their civil identity.

As a general rule women and men bathe separately, except within the family.   In the sauna, there are heated stones onto which you throw water to create steam. Some Finns also lightly beat themselves with traditional whisks made of bunches of birch leaves to stimulate the circulation of blood. Every now and then, they  leave the heat room to take a shower, swim or, in winter, roll into snow to cool off, only to return to the sauna afterwards.  The ritual can last from 20 minutes up to two hours or more.

According to etiquette, in Finland, one should shower before going into the sauna. Children are taught very young to behave in the sauna like they would in church. A minimum amount of noise and no swear words are acceptable in the sauna. Everyone goes in naked. Traditionally, people use the saunas on  Saturdays.

In North America, baths have not become such a custom and are still only available to those who have money to afford them.  Yet, they could really help release tension and promote mental health, if only they were made more available.

DAY 348 - INPIRATIONAL PEOPLE - JESUS CHRIST

Day 348

Let me start off by saying that I was raised Catholic. Growing up, I believed that Jesus Christ was the son of God. Later on, I developed my own sets of beliefs. Nevertheless, I have always believed that  that Jesus truly existed and led a life that could serve as an inspiration to us all.

Contrarily to what many may think, Jesus Christ was not born in the year 0.  Most scholars agree on that because of astronomical signs recorded in the Bible and different political events of the time; Jesus was probably born in 4 or 6 BC. 

His story was written about 50 to 100 years after his death.  There have been many debates on who the authors of the Gospels.  Until this day, there isn't a real consensus. However, because of similarities between the various accounts of his life, the accuracy of some elements of his life are no longer disputed.  Many Gospels were found.  However, four of them (Mark, Luke, John and Matthew) are considered by Christians as authentic.

Very little is known from Jesus' early years.  We do know that he was born into Judaism from Joseph and Mary of Nazareth, that his father was a carpenter, and that he learned that trade from him.  We also know that he was born during the Roman Empire, in a time of great political turmoil.

Some have suggested that during his youth, Jesus travelled to India and Persia where he learned something of India's spiritual tradition before returning to Nazareth to begin his ministry.  His teachings definitely bear similarities to Eastern spirituality.

Jesus gave up all worldly possessions ant traveled around preaching love and forgiveness.  In that way, he set himself apart from old scriptures which had an 'eye for an eye' approach.  He also talked about the fact that the "Kingdom of Heaven" was within all of us, and that to attain this state, we should all be willing to live in simplicity and give up attachment to worldly possessions.

"The kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed; nor will they say, `Lo, here it is!' or `There!' for behold, the kingdom of God is in the midst of you (or "within you") Luke 17:20

Jesus was also known as a healer. The gospels recount many miracles where Jesus was able to heal the sick and even resurrect the dead (Lazarus).

Jesus used his power to help others.  He welcomed outcasts, people at the margins, and people who were

ostracized.  He embraced everyone regardless of their social situation or physical condition.

No matter if you believe that Jesus was the son of God or not, no one can deny that he was an exceptional human being in touch with a spiritual world very few of us ever access.  He used his faith and power to better the world around him.

Unfortunately, history has shown that his message was sometimes lost in the hands of power hungry people.   I still believe that his philosophy and way of life have inspired and continue to inspire millions of people who follow his path and, through every day gestures, positively impact the lives of others.

DAY 347 - WE'RE MOVING ALL UP...

Day 347

Yesterday was an important day for my husband and I!  We officially sold our house.  We went to the notary in the morning and signed all the forms. 

We purchased our triplex in 1999. I remember how excited we were when we found it. We had been searching for a house in this neighbourhood for about two years.  When we walked in, we knew it was ours.  After the visit, my husband and I went into our car, looked at each other and screamed.  We were scared, thrilled, apprehensive, but so happy!  We were becoming homeowners.  For the first time in our lives, we would have to pay a mortgage.  We were in our early thirties at the time, childless, full of hope for the future.

Thirteen years later, we're ready to move on.  We have sold the home we once fell in love and bought a new one.  We are leaving a phase of our lives and entering a new one.  Again, it's exciting and scary at the same time.  We know what we are leaving... the neighbourhood feel, the proximity of some of our best friends, the walks to the neighbourhood butcher, supermarket, drugstore, ice cream shop!   We're used to walking everywhere.  We live in an apartment where everything can be found within walking distance.  Now, we are moving into a more spacious house that has a basement (hurray)  and a garage     (hurray for my husband) in a very residential area.  We are going to have to take our car everywhere.  We are so happy, yet we know this move will require us to adapt to a new lifestyle.    

When I left the notary yesterday, I had tears in my eyes.  Our children were born here.  We have so many wonderful memories attached to this house.  

We've already started packing!  Although we are not moving before the end of March, we decided that it would be a good idea to start making boxes.  It might not be fun, but at the same time, it's giving us the opportunity to get rid of all the clutter we have been accumulating throughout the years.  

We're leaving our apartment with some nostalgia.  But we're looking forward to starting something new.  Moving allows you to get a brand new start.  I love change and so does my husband.  And although I sometimes avoid it because I feel status quo gives me a sense of security, I know that change will be beneficial to me and will open the door to new experiences!    

DAY 346 - BLUE MONDAY - THE MOST DEPRESSING DAY OF THE YEAR

Day 346

Did you wake up depressed this morning?  Well apparently you have reason to be. According to some, today is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.

This day was first identified by psychologist Cliff Arnall in 2005, when he was asked to figure out the most miserable day of the year. Using an elaborate math formula, he came up with the third Monday in January, when the weather is cold, the post -Christmas debt has piled up, New Year's resolutions have been broken and motivation level is at its lowest.

Many psychologists have refuted Arnall's theory and Arnall himself has since urged people not to focus on the negative but instead to use the day as a means of gaining insight into their lives and try to figure out what really makes them happy.

“I’m pleased about the impact it if it means people are talking about depression and how they feel but I’m also encouraging people to refute the whole notion of there being a most depressing day and to use the day as a springboard for the things that really matter in your life,” he told the Telegraph.

In the northern hemisphereThis time of year is probably not the most joyful.  In Montreal, the cold weather has really set in and the only colours you can see are grey, black and brown.  Even the white of the snow, so beautiful in the country, seems gloomy in the city.

I have noticed that many of my colleagues at work have been feeling tired, even though we have just come back from the Christmas Holidays.  That's the reason why during this time of year, it is of utmost importance to make a point of doing all the things that make you happy ( go to the movies, organize a dinner party, go to the spa, etc.





 

DAY 345 - WHAT ARE YOUR 2012 RESOLUTIONS?

Day 345

In 2012, I resolve to lose weight, exercise, eat healthier, meditate, do volunteer work, etc.  Does this sound familiar?  At the beginning of the year, many people make a list of resolutions.  Not many keep them.  Yet, it really IS the best time to implement changes in your life.   As I was doing the countdown on New Year's Eve, I really visualized the fact that I was putting 2011 behind me and starting a new year.  A year where not a line had been written, a year that I was free to draw as I pleased.   So, I made resolutions, like many other people.  And then, I wondered how I could make sure I would keep them.  Here is what I came up with:

Be Specific

The problem with many resolutions is that they are not specific enough.  I remember once reading an interesting article about setting goals and achieving them.  One of things that was mentioned is the importance of being specific in your goals.  It's not enough to say you want to see more of your friends.  You need to specify: "I'll go for coffee with a friend once a week."'

Be optimistic

This week, I asked my students if they had made any resolutions for the New Year.  One of them replied that she hadn't because when she does, she never keeps them.  Obviously, if you start off thinking that you won't keep your resolutions, then you won't.  If you have a positive attitude, you have a better chance.

Be realistic

At the same time, your resolutions cannot be too ambitious.  You have to make sure that realistically you can achieve the goal you set for yourself.  If you set the bar too high, chances are you'll get discouraged.  For instance, if you want to exercise more, start walking everyday at lunch time.  Little steps are often more effective than giant ones because they require less of a drastic change in your lifestyle.

Don't give up

Don't give up after the first drawback.  If you are exercising regularly and you don't go for a week because you got sick, it doesn't mean you should stop.  As soon as you'll start going back, you'll get into it again.  

Think about happiness

Whatever resolution you make, keep your happiness in mind.  I've seen countless people dieting and feeling miserable about it.  Eating healthy doesn't mean eating salad with no dressing!!!!  You need to find ways to better your life!  It might sometimes require you to give up the instant gratification for the bigger purpose, but it doesn't mean giving up all the pleasures of life.   Knowing what brings you lasting happiness can help you make the right choices!

DAY 344 - INSPIRATIONAL WEDNESDAY : J.K. ROWLING, "HARRY POTTER" AUTHOR

Day 344

Joanne Kathleen Rowling was born in 1965 in Yate, England. Rowling admits to having been a bit of a daydreamer as a child and began writing stories at the age of six.  After leaving Exeter University, where she studied French, she started to work as a teacher but dreamed about becoming a writer.

One day, stuck on a delayed train for four hours between Manchester and London, she came up with  the idea of "Harry Potter". That was in 1990. It took her six years to write the first book. In the meantime, she went to teach in Portugal, married a Portuguese television journalist, had her daughter, Jessica and got divorced.  She then returned to Britain .  At that time, Jessica was only three months old. She went to live in Edinburgh to be near her sister, Di, two years younger than her.  It is during that time, while her daughter was still very young, that she completed her first manuscript.

Once it was finished, she randomly sent it to two agents. One year later, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was published.  It was 1996.

Before the publication of the first Harry Potter,  J.K. Rowling, as a single mother, lived in precarity.  Today, after 15 years, she has become one of the most successful and wealthiest writers in England.

My admiration for her comes from the fact that in spite of the hurdles she was confronted with, she kept writing, following her vision.

And her legacy is not insignificant.  The world she has created with her Harry Potter series has marked a whole generation and has now become part of contemporary culture.

DAY 343 - FREEING YOURSELF FROM NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ONCE AND FOR ALL!

Day 343

Last year, I went to see an astrologer who told me that, because on my birth chart I had many planets in Pisces, I tended to worry.  I had always attributed my tendency toward negative thinking to hereditary factors.  Both my parents are worrywarts .  But, no matter where it comes from, one thing is for sure: worrying hinders happiness.  That's why, in the past year, I've been trying to find ways to better control my mind.

During the Christmas Holidays, I did some catching up on my reading.  I read a book by Matthieu Ricard (The Happiest Man on Earth) called The Art of Meditation.  Ricard has a whole section on negative thinking.  According to him, and many other mindfulness gurus and followers, the best way to get rid of negative thoughts is to see them for what they are: thoughts.

Obsessive or negative thoughts can make living miserable when you are plagued by them, so transcending the mind and getting rid of them can really transform your life.

Many people try to push away negative thoughts unsuccessfully, by attempting to suppress them, self-talk or replace them with positive thoughts.  The problem is when you try to suppress thoughts, you're focusing on them and as a result, it actually has the opposite effect: you obsess even more.  I have experienced that first hand.

Mindfulness believes that the secret to stopping obsessive or negative thoughts is to detach from the mind, to see your mind as a separate entity from the real YOU.  And then, to observe your thoughts as they pass.

When you think about it, all thoughts are just neutral energy forms. It’s “your” interest or association with the thoughts that makes them obsessive and creates an emotion that transforms them into a belief.  So, if you choose to watch them come and go.  If you don't hold on to them, then thoughts will not have the chance to make you suffer and become a belief.   If you just let them be, then they will fade.  Over time, they will no longer come.  And if they do, they won't affect your emotional wellbeing.

 I can't say I have mastered the art of completely detaching from my thoughts, but I believe that, with practice,  I will keep getting better at it.

DAY 342 - BACK FROM A FAIRYTALE LAND

Day 342

Even though I am off for two weeks during the holiday season, I often go back to work more tired than when I left.  This time around, I swore  to myself it would be different.  I guess destiny helped me out a little!  My brother rented out a cottage up north, in the middle of nowhere, and he invited us to spend time with him and his family.

What did we do up there for two weeks?  Not much... but then again.  We played board games.  My children got the game of Clue for Christmas which they discovered and I rediscovered.  We played monopoly, scrabble, etc..  The kids invented and presented plays.  We prepared great meals and drank exquisite wine (my brother is a real connoisseur). We walked, snowshoed, slid, skied and built snowmen! We watched brainless comedy movies and drank herbal tea!

From the cottage bay windows, we marvelled at the wintery scenery.   In front of us, we could admire a white desert (that used to be a lake) in back of which stood a white and green mountain, majestic and elegant.  When we went into the forest,  the centennial pine trees covered with their white coat made us feel as if we were lost in a fairytale land.

For two weeks I didn't think of anything but the present moment.  It doesn't happen often.  I usually have to plan, organize, think ahead.  I was really able to detach.  So much that, this morning, when I walked into class, I had forgotten the name of some of my students.

I really enjoyed the Christmas holiday!  As I wanted, I spent quality time with my family.  I had the opportunity to rest and recharge my batteries. And this morning, as I walked into class, I realized that I was also happy to see my students again (even if I had forgotten their names) and start teaching again!

What makes life interesting is change!  With too much of the same, I know I would get bored.  So, as much as I loved my holiday, going back to work and being in class today gave me a surge of energy!   And I'll hopefully enjoy it until my next escapade!