DAY 200 - HAPPINESS VOX POP: SERGE MEDAWAR, MUSICIAN, CHOIR CONDUCTOR,TEACHER, COUSIN, BEST FRIEND

Day 200 

I was born on December 20^th, 1967.  I have the privilege of being an Expo Baby and a Christmas Baby.  I come from a wonderful Egyptian family (my parents got married in Egypt and immigrated to Montreal in 64.)  I had the immense privilege of having my maternal grandmother live with us.  I don’t think I ever felt a stronger tie to anyone else.  Academically speaking (boring), I have an undergrad in translation, in music and a Master’s in choral conducting.  I have conducted for 20 years and taught at the McGill music faculty for 9 years.  Currently, I teach piano and French at home, privately.  I am loving this ‘self-made’ career!  I am a single gay man, don’t have any kids of my own, but have about 30 kids in my life… and they bring me the most happiness, on a daily basis!
 
 What is happiness for you?

Happiness just means being happy, which means not feeling any anxiety, any regrets, any guilt, any fear, any hatred, any anger.  Basically, my definition of happiness is the riddance of  those unhealthy emotions in the present moment.  Key words are: IN THE PRESENT MOMENT.  This can explain why I live very much in the present (except when I start having anxiety about the future!) Don’t ask me what I’m doing tomorrow.  Other than my work schedule, I NEVER know!  I like to believe destiny will bring me happy surprises (like a Lindt chocolate bunny?)
 
 Has your profession impacted your level and your vision of happiness? If yes, how?

My profession has not impacted my level or vision of happiness.  My profession is an INTEGRAL part of my happiness.  I’ve had past experiences with jobs that didn’t feel quite right, or working in an environment that didn’t seem healthy or friendly.  It is hell for me to  do something that feels wrong.  My body reacts very strongly.  So, to answer your question, my profession has not impacted my vision or level of happiness.  I’ve brought happiness to my profession, in order to remain happy as soon as I wake up right up until I go to sleep.
 
 Has your vision of happiness greatly changed through time?
 

No, it hasn’t.  Happiness has always been for me an emotion in the present moment, whether I be with my friends, my family, at my piano, with my students, cooking, memories of spending afternoons with my grandmother, holding her hand and kissing her forehead and hugging her.
 

Do you believe you have control on your level of happiness?

I believe some people have a personality which allows them to be more carefree than others.  I don’t like it when people tell other people, ‘Well, it’s up to you to choose between happiness and unhappiness.’  Unhappy people need not be judged or advised.  They just need to be heard and cared for.  They’ll control their level of happiness when they’re good and ready!
 
 What do you do to change your mood when you’re not feeling so great?
 

When I feel anxious, I go for a walk, a bike ride, I cook, I play piano, I go see friends or have them over.  Oh!  And I call my mom to tell her I’m not feeling so hot.  She's a great listener.  She doesn't judge or try to tell me what to do.  But when I'm sad, for example when my grandmother passed away, I don't feel like I should do anything special to get rid of that feeling.  Sadness does not cancel out my happiness.  Anxiety does.
 

On the whole, would you say you are a happy person?

I am very happy (in the present moment).


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DAY 199 - REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES... ME? NEVER!

Day 199

Do you know people who have been repeating the same mistakes over and over again?  Or, maybe, you sometimes feel like you are the one caught in repetitive patterns?

If you got a second degree sunburn, you would most likely make sure it never happened to you again. The pain you would go through would probably keep you from ever exposing yourself again to the sun unprotected.  If you had a heart attack, you would probably stop smoking (although some people are too addicted).

To change behaviour, there is nothing better than an extreme situation.  Radical problems call for radical solutions.  But what happens if you simply want to stop biting your nails or, like me, you need to get rid of the bad habit of procrastination?  Is it only a question of willpower?  If so, how do you get willpower?

Some people say that you will repeat the same mistake until you have learned the lesson you need to learn.  I don't know what procrastination has been teaching me!!! That the things I have to do can pile up?

I believe you simply need to start viewing the changes you want to implement in your life as being detrimental to your survival.  There has to be a mental switch that goes on, telling you that you are now cornered and that your only way out is a behavioural change.  Your survival instinct has to take over.  As long as you keep on creating excuses for yourself, you will be unsuccessful (no more: it's because; I just can't help it; I'll start soon).  It can't be a wishy washy decision!!!!  It has to be radical, in your actions, but also in your mind!!

We often link knowledge to wisdom... However, knowledge doesn't necessarily lead to wisdom.  I KNOW I have to stop procrastinating, yet I still do it.  Wisdom is about internalizing knowledge so that it becomes instinctive, like as second nature.  Rational decisions will always require a mental effort .... wisdom doesn't.  So to change behaviour, you need to be decisive and radical, so that knowledge can finally turn into wisdom!

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DAY 198 - "B" HAPPY

Day 198

Doctors often prescribe B vitamins to women who suffer from pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS). The reason being that they play an important role in regulating mood and energy. Recent studies indicate that folate (vitamin B9), vitamins B6 and B12 are particularly helpful in promoting happiness.

You can choose to take vitamin supplements, always previously consulting your doctor, but you can also just eat plenty of the foods that contain these vitamins.

 Folate - Folate is important to stay alert, be happy, focus well and have a good memory.  Folate can be found in:

- Green and Leafy Vegetables (spinach, bok choy, parsley, turnip greens, mustard greens, romaine lettuce)
- Beet Root
- Sunflower Seeds
- Baked Beans
- Strawberries
- Oranges
- Calves liver
-  Lentils
- Fortified breakfast cereal

Vitamin B6 - Vitamin B6 is needed to regulate mood by boosting levels of serotonin.  People who lack B6 can be depressed and lack energy.  B6 is found in:

- Spinach

- Red Bell Peppers 

- Cooked Turnip Greens 

- Garlic 

- Cooked Yellow fin Tuna

- Cauliflower

- Bananas

- Watermelon

- Celery

- Mushrooms

- Cabbage

- Asparagus

- Broccoli

Vitamin B12 - B12 is needed for healthy brain functioning and for a healthy nervous system.   People who lack B12 are often irritable and have trouble focusing.  B12 is found in:

- Liver

- Mussels 

- Sardines 

- Oysters 

- Egg yoke

- Lean Beef

Omega 3’s have also recently been added to the list of vitamins that promote happiness. Omega 3’s can be found in most fish.

I think I’m a pretty healthy eater. However, as I was doing research on vitamins and happiness, I realized that I might have a slight deficiency in B12. I don’t like meat that much or liver and I don’t eat a lot of seafood. So, maybe a B12 supplement would be something I should consider... or I should force myself to include some of the foods that contain it.  I guess I should ask my mother for her liver stew recipe! Yummy!!!!!!!????


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DAY 197 - YOUR LIFE: A PERSONAL PIECE OF ART

DAY 197

Dr. Mariano Rojas is s professor of economics at FLACSO-Mexico and UPAEP, Mexico.  In the past 10 years, he has been researching happiness. He has been studying the link between life satisfaction, revenue, consumption, quality of life and wellbeing.

In a book entitled The World Book of Happiness, Mariano Rojas writes an article in which he describes his vision of how to lead a happy life.

First of all, he believes that you should view your life as being a personal piece of art.  And to try to create the best piece of art possible, you will first need to develop wisdom. And how do you develop wisdom? By transforming information into knowledge, which can then be turned into wisdom.

You will also need to properly manage your time in order to increase your life satisfaction in the areas of your life most pertinent to your overall life satisfaction, for instance, by working on your relationships, developing interests and hobbies, having a job, etc.  

Mariano believes that some areas of your life will create more happiness than others.  Having satisfying personal relationships will generate more happiness than buying goods. He also thinks that by contributing to the happiness of others, you can increase the value of your piece of art.

According to Mariano, if you view your life as being a piece of art that you are continuously trying to embellish, chances are you will be able to increase your overall life satisfaction.

What I find particularly interesting in Mariano’s metaphor of the piece of art is that it brings happiness outside the individual.  It illustrates the extent of the control we have on our own level of happiness.  We are the ones holding the paintbrush, choosing the colour, the shape and the direction we want to give to our life.   We are the artisans, architects and designers of our wellbeing.  And it shows how every decision we make can have an impact on the outcome of our creation!

So, the question is, what would you like YOUR personal piece of art to look like?

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DAY 196 - MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES

Day 196

When it comes to happiness, I believe many of us often make the wrong choices.  It is probably due to the fact that we have a false sense of what will bring us what we are looking for.

Money, for instance is still avidly pursued by many, as though it held the key to happiness. However, studies have shown that the link between money and happiness is minimal.  Yet, given the choice between working at a job that they love and working at a job that they don't like but that pays 20% more, research has shown that most people would choose the higher salary. 

The thing is, if you are going to spend 40 hours a week working, which equals to about 1/4 of your week, why would you consciously choose to spend that amount of time working at a job you dislike?   

We also make the wrong choices because sometimes the right ones require more effort.  Exercising regularly and eating healthy food both help promote happiness.  The reasons are simply that exercising and certain food release serotonin in the brain (the happy hormone).  It's chemical!  So, why aren't we all sweating it out at the gym, filling up our fridges with fruit and vegetables, our pantries with sardines and flax seed and getting off prepared and sugar-filled foods? Are we not able to go beyond instant gratification?

Choosing happiness is a lot of work.  It means reevaluating your choices.  It means getting rid of old thoughts and old habits.  It means restructuring your brain so that your actions become consistent with your goal of achieving state of wellbeing.

I am certainly not suggesting banishing all sinful pleasures of life!  However, when your wrong choices BECOME YOUR WAY OF LIFE, then maybe it is worth revisiting some of them in order to make sure that they take into account both your day-to-day happiness as well as your long-term happiness!

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DAY 195 - YOU CAN'T DO IT... OR YOU THINK YOU CAN'T????

Day 195

I’ve been jogging for more than twenty years.  I remember the first times I went out to jog.  I was really out of shape, or, maybe, I just didn’t think I could run for more than 5 minutes without being completely exhausted.  I gradually increased my time.  After 3 weeks, I was able to run for 20 minutes nonstop.  For the past 20 years, every time I went jogging, I did it for 20 or 25 minutes.  I never increased my speed or my time.  In my head, I never thought I could run for a longer time.  I have never viewed myself as being the athletic type.

As I have already written, I would like to register to a 5k or 10k run sometime in the near future.  So, in the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to increase my jogging time.  For about a week now, I’ve been running for 40 minutes at a time, sometimes feeling as though I could actually go on.

Today, as I was jogging with my brother, I realized how important, for any type of achievement, to actually deeply believe you are ABLE to do it.  My brother is the CEO of a big company.  He has been very successful in his career.  As we were jogging, I told him about my project of running a 5k or a 10 k.  He just answered that running a 10k wouldn’t be very hard, that he was sure he could do it.

My brother hasn’t worked out all winter.  He is probably not in the best of shape.  Yet, today, he jogged with me for forty minutes without any problem.    One of my brother’s biggest strengths, no matter the goal, is that he just believes he CAN do it.  It’s a mental conviction that makes him work toward his objectives without indulging in self-doubt. 

For my brother, this profound belief in his ability to achieve any goal is a natural quality.  For others, it might not be as instinctive.  As we were running and talking, I realized that it might very well be the most important element in reaching any objective.   It’s quite simple.  Believe you CAN do it, and you WILL do it.  Don’t analyse, procrastinate, hesitate or question, just believe, and take the means to get there.  Because, as it's been proven over and over again, having goals and working towards reaching them is part of a balanced and happy life.  

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DAY 194- HAPPINESS VOX POP: JEAN-MARIE LAPOINTE - ACTOR, SINGER, PRODUCER, AUTHOR, ATHLETE, VOLUNTEER WORKER

Day 194
 
Jean-Marie Lapointe is a renowned Québec actor, singer, producer and author. He is also a dedicated athlete. For many years now, in spite of his busy schedule, Lapointe has been volunteering his time for various causes. He is the son of famous singer, actor and Canadian Senator Jean Lapointe. As a public figure, Jean-Marie Lapointe has been using his influence to better the world. He is one of the best people I know and I feel fortunate to be able to call him my friend.
 

What is happiness for you?

 I think I agree with what Gandhi thinks of happiness: I feel good when my thoughts, my words and my actions are in harmony.
 

But what brings me the most happiness and inner peace is when I think of other people's happiness; when I go beyond myself and, through my personal or professional life, contribute to the well- being of others. It could even be on a daily basis through little gestures. 

Has your profession impacted your level and your vision of happiness? If yes, how?
 

Absolutely. My interviews, my involvement in telethons and humanitarian television shows, my encounter with spiritual leaders such as Mathieu Ricard and the Dalaï Lama as well as my involvement in helping handicapped children and sick children with terminal diseases, have all contributed to give purpose and meaning to my life.

I also find stimulating and enjoyable to have the chance to be involved in projects that force me into reading and seeing "feel good" movies.

Has your vision of happiness greatly changed through time?

Yes. Especially since I have embraced the Buddhist practice.

Do you believe you have control on your level of happiness?

Absolutely!

What do you do to change your mood when you’re feeling sad?
 

When I'm not feeling so great, I get involved in physical activities; I try to talk to my close friends; I meditate; I try not to let negative thoughts affect me too much. I also read profound and meaningful quotes. Basically, I work on focusing my attention on something else. Often, by doing nothing, the negative though just dissolves.

On the whole, would you say you are a happy person?   

Getting there!!!! I would say I am rather happy!

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Day 193 - CHOOSING AN EXTRA-ORDINARY LIFE!

Day 193

I’ve already written about the fact that helping others can bring happiness to an individual much more than many personal individualistic endeavours. Yet, many of us fool ourselves by believing that more money, a new car and a vacation down south is sure to lift our spirits and lead us to a better sense of well-being.

Although, it is true that, momentarily at least, those materialistic acquisitions and experiences can bring joy, nothing can compare to helping others. Helping and giving happiness to someone in need can give a real deep purpose to your life.

Since 2007, every year, CNN names 10 ordinary people who, through their extraordinary devotion and social involvement, have helped create a better world.

Last night, when I went on Facebook, I noticed my cousin Amir had posted the CNN video of one of the heroes selected by CNN for 2010. I watched it. I was touched and inspired by it, so I decided to share it with you, my readers.

The name of that hero is Narayanan Krishnan. He was born in India in 1981. He was a very prominent Chef in India, having won awards for his culinary creations in Taj Hotels, Bangalore. He was short-listed for an elite job in Switzerland when, during a visit to his family, before heading to Europe, he changed his mind. He explains: "I saw a very old man, literally eating his own human waste out of hunger. I went to the nearby hotel and asked them what was available. They had idli, which I bought and gave to the old man. Believe me, I had never seen a person eating so fast, ever. As he ate the food, his eyes were filled with tears. Those were the tears of happiness."

In 2002, Krishnan gave up his career and began cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for 400 homeless and mentally disabled people in Madurai, India. He also provides them haircuts and shaves to give them some dignity.

Not everyone is destined to give to others in such a selfless way. However, every day we are confronted with situations that give us the opportunity to help someone in need. That story only serves as a reminder  that seizing those opportunities can make a difference in someone else's life, but also in yours!

Here is the video of Narayanan Krishnan that I'm sure you'll find as inspiring as I did.

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DAY 192 - USING A "PROTECTIVE SHIELD"

Day 192


Thoughts have an impact on emotions.  That’s why it’s essential to train your mind to have positive thoughts.  Worry and stress often begin with thoughts but end up in the gut!  What I have found helpful when getting stuck in a whirlwind of negative thoughts is to stop and view it all as what it is: a creation of my imagination.

I try to remember that I'm the only creator, author, writer of all the scenarios that enter my mind.  Apparently 47 % of worries stem from a pure invention of the imagination.  Imagine if we were able to use all that creativity to produce positive thoughts or even pieces of art! 

My children took ski lessons all winter.  Every time we went to their lessons, I would worry about them getting into an accident.  You might think I'm a little insane to register my kids to a sport that is stress inducing for me!  But at the same time, skiing is an important skill to acquire when you live in Canada.  

As a child, I never learned how to ski. At the age of 16 years old, I went skiing for the first time.  I was cool back then, so I wore ripped jeans and a not-so-warm jacket!  On that January day, the weather was very cold.   As I attempted my first descent, I fell many times and, by the end of my first run, my pants had turned into a block of ice.  That was my reward for being so cool!  I don't want my kids to ever have to experience that!

So, one day, as we brought the kids to their ski lessons, I was particularly concerned.  My friend Catherine, who had registered her son to the same ski school, told me: "Just mentally visualize yourself putting a protective shield on them".  So, I closed my eyes, and did what she said.  Miraculously, I stopped worrying.  I was suddenly at peace.  I was overcome by a warm feeling of calmness.

What I realized at that point is that I could also use my imagination to destroy negative thoughts by replacing them with different ones and, as a consequence, alter my emotional state.  And since there is no end to the imagination...

That technique could be used in other contexts.  For instance, when I feel aggressed by someone who is angry with me for whatever reason or, when I'm with someone who tends to take away my energy, I mentally put on a protective shield on myself...


All right so it's a little out there... maybe even esoteric in some way... but it really helps preserve my emotional state, so in the end, it can only have a positive effect on my life!!!   


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DAY 191 - ARE YOU AN OAK OR A REED?

Day 191

My father always quoted Jean de La Fontaine’s fable The Oak and The Reed to teach us how important it was to be flexible in life.  In that fable, the oak is personified as having a stubborn sense of strength, standing tall, never bending, while the humble reed is represented as possessing the qualities of endurance, flexibility, and hidden strength.

De La Fontaine teaches the reader his lesson through the use of nature by having the oak and the reed converse about their strengths. In the end the reed proves his point when the north wind uproots the oak, leaving it to die.  The reed survives thanks to its flexibility.

Having goals in life is of utmost importance.  And perseverance and determination are essential qualities when it comes to reaching your goals.  However, being able to change your direction and having  flexibility when you are confronted with a dead end can make the difference between being successful or not. 

We tend to imagine that success is about reaching the goals we initially set for ourselves. However, life is unpredictable and if we don’t learn to change our plans when the path we have chosen is making us miserable, than we are doomed to fail.  No one can endure pain for that long (unless you enjoy pain in a masochistic way, of course.)

That doesn’t mean giving up as soon as an obstacle arises.  It simply means accepting the fact that you might have taken the wrong road and rectifying the situation.  Going back a few steps doesn’t mean giving up. 

A friend of mine is working on his Master’s degree with a supervisor that is absolutely not suitable for him.  He has been trying to make it work out… At this point, I believe he simply needs to change supervisor.  It might bring him a few steps back, but the ride will definitely be smoother after he does.  And in the end, he will probably reach his goal more quickly than he would with the supervisor he now has!  Trying to make things work at all costs is not always the solution.  It can end up depleting you of your energy!  And, when you think about it, nothing is really ever set in stone!!!!

The challenge is probably to find a balance between perseverance and flexibility…  And although being flexible may sometimes feel like a sign of weakness, it is, as Jean De La Fontaine’s fable tells us, the sign of true strength!!!!

“Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it”

 Lao Tzu 

DAY 190 - IMMANUEL KANT AND HAPPINESS

Day 190

Immanuel Kant  was a German Prussian philosopher who lived from 1724 to 1804.   He had a major impact on the Romantic and Idealist philosophies of the 19th Century, and is considered being one of history's most influential Western thinkers.

According to Immanuel Kant, it is impossible to define what happiness is because it is somewhat an ideal of the imagination.  He believed that although happiness could be defined as being a feeling of perfect bliss, no one can know what perfect bliss is, or even what will bring happiness, until the experience takes place.  Therefore, happiness is both indefinite and empirical (based on experience).

Furthermore, if happiness is an ideal of the imagination, how can we use reason to determine what means to take in order to attain it.  For Kant, reason can help avoid pain and unhappiness, but avoiding unhappiness doesn’t mean being happy.

Instead of searching for happiness, Kant thought that people should seek the moral law constructed by reason.  We should focus on trying to lead virtuous lives and not worry about happiness. Kant believed this to be the categorical imperative.  For him, those who perform duties for personal interest are only seemingly moral.  And since the pursuit of happiness is based on personal interest, it cannot be moral.  True happiness can only be found in the moral act and not in the mere satisfaction of personal desire.

  “When a thoughtful human being has overcome incentives to vice and is aware of having done his bitter duty, he finds himself in a state that could be called happiness, a state of contentment and peace of mind in which virtue is its own reward.”

Immanuel Kant

DAY 189 - SPRINGTIME HAS FINALLY COME

Day 189

Happiness is definitely springtime!  This weekend was the first warm and sunny weekend of the year.  And Montrealers decided that winter was over!  The whole city’s heart started beating again, people sitting on patios, sipping coffee, laughing and enjoying the sun.  Happiness could be seen and felt on everybody’s face and demeanour.

In winter, everyone always seems to be in a hurry, rushing from one indoor location to another to avoid the penetrating cold.  This weekend, people were strolling, taking the time to enjoy life.

As I was jogging on Friday, I noticed flowers starting to bloom… And although the smell in Montreal is not always pleasant (in the winter, Montrealers are known for systematically leaving traces of their dogs on the sidewalks so, when spring comes, it all unfreezes and fills the air with a "special" aroma!!!!), spring still always carries a sense of hope, of renewal…

On Saturday, I biked to the park with my daughters and we had our first picnic.  The grass was still yellow, some spots were muddy and the more shaded areas were still covered with a thin layer of snow, reminding us that winter was there not too long ago.  But the weather was clement and after eating, I lied down on my picnic blanket and watched my daughters roll down a hill! And as the sun was softly caressing my skin, I though that if, at that very moment,  I wasn’t experiencing perfect bliss, it was definitely something very close to it!

LONG LIVE SPRING

DAY 188 - HAPPINESS VOX POP - KELLY WILSON, SPECIALIST IN BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN

Day 188

KELLY WILSON

I am a 43 yearold divorced mother of 2 wonderful (although they drive me crazy at times and eat waaay too much) teenagers aged 15 and 16, 3 cats and 2 dogs. I was with my ex-husband for 22 years (since I was 17) before we divorced after working through his 9 year addiction to cocaine. I come from a very close family of 5 (4 older brothers), we spend most Sunday dinners together still and support each other a lot.

I am in a relationship with a great person who also has 2 children, although we do not live together (or because we don’t) we get along splendidly. He is a wonderful dad with wonderful kids and we are happy together (knock on wood).

What is happiness for you?

Happiness for me is to be able to enjoy all the moments in life (the good and the bad) without regret. Try to live life to its fullest (cease the day as they say) by not taking yourself or others too seriously. Appreciating life and trying not to waist this precious gift on things that are often stupidities.

Has your profession impacted your level and your vision of happiness? If yes, how?

 I am a specialist in behaviour modification working with behaviourally challenged autistic children. (Aged 1-18). I have worked in the field for 24 years and love my job (especially on days when I don’t get bitten or kicked). My job keeps me forever thankful that I have 2 healthy happy children while so many loving parents struggle with severe crisis in their families. I also get to (in some cases) feel that I positively impacted parental relationships and at times changed a whole family dynamic and gave the power back to the parents. 

Between teaching therapists how to work with my families and coaching parents on setting limits with their kids it is always interesting and rewarding. How lucky I am to have a job that can stimulate my interests, work with professionals, and laugh at all the funny things that kids do! My job makes me feel that I am not entitled to look at my life and be unhappy when I face so many difficult situations and deprived people who are so much worse off than me.  Oddly enough, most of them are pretty happy. Go Figure!!

Has your vision of happiness greatly changed through time?

No, over time the idea of the happiness I seek has remained the same.  I have always wanted and worked at being happy by focusing on all the blessings in my life. By doing this kind of thing, you usually just find more to be happy about as you get older…if it is working.

Do you believe you have control on your level of happiness?

Yes, I do believe that we have a big impact on our own level of happiness. In regular cases (not where there are any chemical imbalances) we can do many things to help ourselves be happier. Like all the suggestions in this blog that have been proven to enhance wellbeing, nothing comes from nothing, things take effort. If you want to be happy you need to actively seek it.

What do you do to change your mood when you’re feeling sad?

I try to give myself the time to feel sad if I have good reason, listening to music is the best one but then after a pre-set period of time I kick myself in the ass and, at least, physically move on to something else and then the mental aspect usually will follow.  

On the whole, would you say you are a happy person?

Yes, I feel that I am generally a happy person.  

  

DAY 187 - HAPPINESS AROUND THE WORLD

Day 187 

Carol Graham is a Research Director and Professor at the Brookings Institution,  University of Maryland. Graham spent time studying happiness everywhere in the world and has published her findings in a book called Happiness Around the World: the Paradox of Happy Peasants and Miserable Millionaires.  Her research has brought her to rich countries as well as poor countries, from Chile to Afghanistan, Kenya and the United States.

Carol Graham found that in fact, essential factors determining happiness were very similar in all countries.  First of all, she established a correlation between age and happiness.  According to her data, it presents itself in a U shape, with the lowest level of happiness being found, in most countries, around 45 years old.

Work also plays a role in happiness.  Everywhere she traveled, she found that the unemployed were much unhappier than the employed.  Furthermore, in most countries, marriage increased the level of happiness (it wasn't the case in Afghanistan and Russia, which she attributes to the inequalities between men and women).

The fact that the level of happiness in all countries is similar seems very interesting.  One would think that people in the Western world are substantially happier.  However, because happiness is evaluated within your set of reality, whether you are poor or rich is of little importance.  What matters the most is how you compare to others (i.e. what you have compared to your neighbor) and what you are used to.  


Graham found that the level of happiness of people who lived in unsafe countries was not affected  by that lack of security as much as it would be for people living in a safe place and suddenly finding themselves in a more dangerous location.

What I find fascinating in this worldwide study is the fact that it really demonstrates the adaptability of human nature, by showing that someone living in Afghanistan, for instance, a country that has been at war for 30 years, can be as happy as someone living in Canada. 

Since it is not possible to change your circumstances and your reality, I wonder how it would be possible to get to a state where you would be able to appreciate what you have as if you were not used to having it?  Could it be possible to mentally and emotionally stop taking everything you have for granted and start looking at all the beauty around as if you were enjoying it for the first time?  


It is undeniable that being grateful for all you have helps, but it doesn't resonate the same way it would if you had never had it in the first place.


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DAY 186-TAKING YOURSELF SERIOUSLY IS NO JOKING MATTER

Day 186

When I was sixteen years old, I fell in love with a poet.  Every time I was around him, he would recite Baudelaire, Rimbaud, Apollinaire… three French poets I much admired at the time.   I was completely under his spell.  He seemed so profound and mysterious to me.  He wore bohemian scarves and had an eccentricity that girls (not only me) found irresistible.  He was a real artist.  I’m sure you can picture the type!

When I think back of that time, I laugh at the adolescent I was.  That boy took himself very seriously and, with all my innocence and gullibility, I jumped right into his game, taking him seriously as well.  Today, when I meet those types, I find them very funny. 

Not taking yourself too seriously and being able to laugh at yourself is an essential part of a happy life.  If you don’t, people end up doing it for you.  In order to do so, you have to be able to look at yourself as an observer, come out of your body, so that you can perceive yourself as an outsider would.  We all have funny habits and quirks, so why not use them to get a good laugh?

People who take themselves seriously, as my poet did, are often narcissistic.  They view themselves as being the centre of the universe and are way too involved in themselves to be able to observe their behaviour objectively and see how comical it may seem.  

Learning to laugh at yourself can really have a wonderful liberating effect.  It could allow you to put into perspective situations that could otherwise take gigantic proportions.    

“Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.”

Dame Edna Everage (Australian Comedian)

“Life is too important to be taken seriously.”

 Oscar Wilde

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DAY 185 - EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Day 185

The concept of Emotional Intelligence was developed in the 90’s.  It was first described by psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, and further studied by Daniel Goleman, in a book called Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ.  Since then, studies have shown how Emotional Intelligence (the EQ) can have an impact on the level of happiness and the success of an individual.

Goleman  identifies the five following Emotional Intelligence 'domains':

Self-awareness - Knowing your emotions
Self-regulation - Managing your emotions

Motivation – Being able to motivate yourself

Empathy - Recognizing and understanding other people's emotions

Social skills – Developing and managing relationships

Emotions are part of life.  From the moment we are born, we start expressing emotions.  Later on, we learn to manage them.  Some are better at it than others; some never do! 

Emotional Intelligence can be developed by observing your emotions in order to understand them.  When you learn to take a step back from what you’re feeling instead of just being in a reactive mode, you can handle your emotions better.  As the Non-Violent Communication approach tells us, all emotions come from needs.  Identifying the need associated to the emotion will help not only control it but also express it.

In the morning, for instance, if we are running late and my kids are not hurrying up to get ready, I could become quite the basket case, speaking loud and getting impatient.  By getting mad at them, we all end up feeling bad for the whole day!!!!  All right, so I have an excuse, I am Egyptian, and as you might already know, we are unable to speak quietly, it’s in our genes!

In that situation, I’m getting upset because I feel that my need to be heard is not being respected.  If, instead of reacting, I become aware of the need, than I can express it in a more peaceful way, which in turn, will maybe have a better effect on my children than simply getting impatient with them.

This same approach can be applied to other people’s emotions.  When people are reacting towards you in an emotional way, if you really want to understand what is going on, you have to dig and try to find out what need is not being fulfilled.  Empathy will then become an essential tool and will help resolve whatever conflict or misunderstanding has occurred . 

Working on developing Emotional Intelligence requires patience.  Most of us have been following the same patterns for so long that it is very challenging to stop being emotionally reactive and take a step back to evaluate our emotional state, and the need that is not being fulfilled.  However, doing that on a regular basis can definitely have a positive impact on personal wellbeing as well as relationships.


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Day 184 - BE HEALTHY, BE HAPPY

Day 184 

When I began my blog, I asked one of my friends, who is a General Practitioner, what happiness was for her.  Without hesitation, she replied: “Health…without it, happiness is possible, but much more difficult to achieve”.  She is probably right.

It comes down to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.  If your basic needs for mental and physical health are not met, how could you consider satisfying your higher needs (self-actualization, for instance)?  Isn’t the emotional wellbeing at least partly linked to the physical wellbeing?

Being the hypochondriac that I am (it’s hereditary, by the way), when it comes to my health and my children’s health, I often invent dramatic scenarios in my head … it doesn’t always pay off to have a wild imagination.   When I start having those self-created crazy thoughts, I usually am able to get a grip by thinking about those who REALLY are suffering.  

Health is one of those things we take for granted.  That is, of course, until we lose it…

That is why I try to lead the healthiest life possible.  I can’t control everything that happens to me, I am only a human being after all, and there are certainly no guarantees!  However, by making the right choices, whether it is through eating habits, exercise, sleeping habits or even spiritual health, I am doing what I can to remain physically, emotionally and spiritually happy…

“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.”

 Mahatma Gandhi

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DAY 183 - PASSION MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND....

Day 183

Every semester, I tell my students to prepare an oral presentation on their passion.  Many of them struggle to find a topic.  They often ask me if they can present a passion they used to have when they were younger, telling me that, although they would probably still enjoy it, they don’t really have time to indulge in any of their passions anymore.

As we get older and add on responsibilities, we tend to forget to take time to think about, and do, the things we love to do.  Our priorities change and our duties increase, so reflecting on what makes us happy becomes a luxury.

When I was young, I spent a lot time indulging in my passions, whether it was through drawing, writing, or singing.  Creativity definitely used to be part of my daily life.  Last Thursday, I went to see an astrologer who told me: “You have the soul of an artist”.   It made me realize that, in fact, I haven’t really been that creative since I have kids. 

The beauty with passion is that it allows you to live life instead of simply suffering through it.  Being involved, emotionally as well as physically, in an activity that you find stimulating and that you love, can really help you disconnect from the not-so-fun things in your life.  It is having the "flow" Mihaly Csiksxebtnukhalvi talked about.

Some people believe they don’t have a passion and that they never really did.  It was the case of my friend Donna.  As we were talking, I asked her what her passion is, or used to be.  She replied that she never really had a passion.  However, when I questioned her a little more, she realized that she did use to have a passion.  When she was younger, she would spend hours doing arts and crafts (knitting, sewing, etc.).  She used to love creating things with her hands.

Sometimes you get so used to your not-so-passionate state, that you forget that you are capable of immersing yourself entirely in an activity you love.  It could require digging into childhood memories to find out what used to ignite your inner fire, but no matter what it is, it is worth revitalizing.

Having a passion and indulging in it is choosing to feel alive. It might take some time to figure out (passions evolve with time), but I believe that re-learning to feel enthusiastic about something you love, whether you do it alone or with others, can definitely have a real impact on your overall state of wellbeing.  

 “Only passions, great passions can elevate the soul to great things.”

Denis Diderot

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DAY 182- AND THERE SHALL BE A DAY OF REST

DAY 182

For six months, I have been writing every single day of the week.  It is true that I took some time off around Christmastime and for Spring break, but other than that, I’ve been writing daily posts, relentlessly studying and researching happiness, for 182 days.

After I had been writing for a month, my father suggested I take one day off a week.  “Everybody needs to rest once in a while”,  he said.  At the time, I was too enthusiastic about my project to consider his suggestion.  I wanted to prove to myself, and to the world, that I could write every single day for 500 days.  But who said it had to be consecutive days? 

What I didn’t know then, and I know now, is that time off is not only physically and mentally beneficial, but it also allows you to renew your sense of creativity.  Leonardo Da Vinci said: “Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer.” And Ovid, the Roman poet, said, “Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.”

I am still full of enthusiasm and determination in my quest for happiness.  However, I now recognize the importance of taking a day off every week.  I guess my father was right (aren’t parents always right?), we all need at least one day a week to complete disconnect. 

So, as of next week, I will not publish on Saturday nights.  I will take that day to spend time with my family (without blog interruption) and take advantage of it to recharge my batteries.

And so, there shall be a day of rest…

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DAY 181 - HAPPINESS VOX POP - CHRISTINA FON, TRANSMEDIA PRODUCER

Day 181

As part of a series, every Friday night, I will publish visions of happiness as seen by people with different backgrounds, origins and life experiences.

CHRISTINA FON, TRANSMEDIA PRODUCER    


Christina Fon is a 43 year-old woman of Hungarian Jewish origin. Married and a mother of two, she works as a transmedia producer (interactive/film/TV), specializing in Native content. She has been very successful in her career, having won Geminis (a Canadian prize which honors the best in Canadian television) for some of her films.  She also happens to be my best and oldest friend.  We met when we were 11 years old and have been close ever since.

What is happiness for you?

Happiness is many things to me, but it is mostly having personal and intimate relations with the people I love. I also love meeting new and interesting people who allow me to see the world in different and unconventional ways.

Has your profession impacted your level and your vision of happiness? If yes, how?

 Yes. It has created a community of people that I have become friends with and that I love.  It has also created life goals that fulfill me.

Has your vision of happiness greatly changed through time?

 Yes. As I get older my focus has changed. When I was young, happiness involved immediate gratification.  Later on, my focus was centered on my children. And, although my main focus still remains making memories for my kids, as they get older and become more independent, I have more time for personal development. This now includes trying to get involved in activities that are outside of myself.  I haven’t been that successful at it yet, but I'm working on it!

Do you believe you have control on your level of happiness?

Yes but it's not easy. I have been applying mindfulness to help me achieve more positive thoughts and control over my worried brain. It's hard work!

What do you do to change your mood when you’re feeling sad?

Exercise, eating and sleeping well help. But mostly, I try and talk to my friends and spend time with them. And finally, one of the best ways to get over the blues, is having a good laugh. I love laughing and I have to say I am lucky to be surrounded by VERY funny people.

On the whole, would you say you are a happy person?

 Yes, but I certainly need some help and hard work to keep it consistent.


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