DAY 180 - ON THE ROAD TO SELF-DISCOVERY... WITH THE HELP OF THE STARS!

Day 180

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited by one of my colleagues to attend one of her astrology classes.  They were looking for people who were ascendant Sagittarius.    I volunteered and loved my experience.  When I was there, all the students were looking at my birth chart, analyzing it and often speaking as though I wasn’t there.  The teacher made them notice particular elements on my chart and they discussed and debated them.  I was shocked to see how accurate some of the things they said were.  When I left, I decided to book a private consultation with the teacher.  I wanted to know more….

Today, I had my appointment with her.  First of all, I must tell you that she is far from looking like the stereotypical image you might have of an astrologer.  She doesn’t own a crystal ball and her office is not dark, full of purple and red curtains and smoky because of incense burning in a corner.

I was quite thrilled about finding out what she was going to tell me.  As soon as I sat down, she said: “I am not a fortune teller, I am only going to tell you what I see on your birth chart.” Astrology is not based on intuition or clairvoyance, but rather on an interpretation of the positions of the stars and planets upon your birth and their influence on who you are, who you were and who you will be.  

She spoke to me for two hours nonstop.  She talked about my past, my present and my future life.  She talked to me about the kind of person I am.  She spoke about the fact that “my mission” on earth is to teach… I guess I chose the right career.  She talked about different periods of my life…  After two hours of listening to her talk, I wanted more, but it was over! 

I was extremely impressed by everything she said!  I wondered how the positions of the planets could say so much.   And I questioned myself on whether or not they could really determine your personality and your potential….

I am naturally skeptical and I don’t take things at face value.  I generally tend to question what everybody views as being obvious. This experience has definitely changed my vision of astrology. 

It has opened up a whole range of questions pertaining to my identity, my past as well as my future.  If knowing yourself better and knowing what you want can improve your level of happiness, than this encounter, by giving me tools to do so, has definitely been beneficial to my quest.

“Self-knowledge is no guarantee of happiness, but it is on the side of happiness and can supply the courage to fight for it.”

Simone De Beauvoir 

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DAY 179 - MINDFULNESS

Dat 179

Mindfulness, an approach initially developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn, was first designed to assist him in his work with people suffering from a wide range of serious medical problems. In order to help patients cope with their conditions, Jon Kabat-Zinn developed an eight -week programme, integrating meditation, yoga and some discussion within a group setting of the principles of cognitive behavioural therapy. This approach is now widely being used by therapists as a means to improve the overall quality of life.


Of course, mindfulness can also be used by anyone wanting to enjoy life to its fullest. It is ideal if you want to cultivate awareness of the mind and body unity and work on improving your emotional, physical, and spiritual health. It was influenced in great part by Buddhist beliefs and practices.


Most of us spend the greater part of our lives thinking of the future or the past. As a result, we are sometimes not aware of the things that surround us. Mindfulness emphasises the importance of living in the moment, observing what goes on, but without judgement. It could be applied to any moment of your life, whether you are cooking, running or doing groceries.   The idea is to live the moment as it is, without trying to transform it, but by accepting it.


Mindful meditation is at the basis of the mindful practice. It has been shown that practicing it on a regular basis can not only improve mood but also reduce stress and anxiety. Practicing mindful meditation is not really complicated or difficult. It requires to simply focus on breathing in and out, sitting cross-legged or on the chair in a comfortable position, letting the thoughts come and go without judgement (don't get upset at yourself for having thoughts), always redirecting the focus on the breathing.

As any other type of meditation, mindful meditation requires regular practice in order for it to really be beneficial.


"It's not a matter of letting go—you would if you could. Instead of 'Let it go', we should probably say 'Let it be'.

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."



Jon Kabat-Zinn

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DAY 178 - MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS: IS MARS A HAPPIER PLANET?

Day 178

This morning as I was thinking about the men in my life, I wondered if gender had an impact on the level of happiness.  A couple years ago, I watched a documentary that scientifically analyzed the brain functioning of men and women.  The findings were very interesting.  Men and women truly come from different planets.

Not surprisingly, the study had showed that women can double, triple or even quadruple task, while men need to focus on one single thing at a time.  It gave me an explanation on my husband’s inability to hear me call him when he’s watching a soccer match, especially during the World Cup.  It’s not that he is purposely ignoring me.  He probably can’t hear me (I like to believe that, so what if it’s not true).

A Colombian student of mine once told me that when his wife was pregnant, she was bedridden.  He therefore had to cook (he had never cooked in his life).  He couldn’t understand how his wife was able to cook chicken and rice at the same time.  It was a very challenging endeavor for him.  He typically would have first cooked his chicken and then made the rice!!!!

Men are apparently better with directions.  The study showed that when put in a maze, men were able to find their way out, while women kept on going around and around, getting lost and unable to exit.  I have to admit my husband is better than me at finding his way when we travel… the problem is, he never wants to ask for directions even if we are lost, but that’s a whole other issue!

Apparently, when it comes to happiness, men tend to be happier than women and suffer less from depression.  A McGill University study showed that, in fact, men naturally produce 52% more serotonin than women.  Serotonin is important, as it is one of the several neurotransmitters in the brain that affect mood.  Many antidepressants work specifically to prevent serotonin from being depleted from the bloodstream.

There are many natural ways of increasing the production of serotonin in the brain, through the consumption of certain foods (see the post: Let' Get Chemical) and through activities such as exercise and meditation.

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DAY 177 - AFTER 177 DAYS OF BLOGGING, AM I HAPPIER?

Day 177

As I was talking to one of my colleagues about happiness, my favourite topic these days, he asked me if, after 177 days of writing about it, I was a happier person.  It is definitely a question worth asking.

In the past six months, I have learned a lot about happiness.  And when someone gets me going on the topic, I can go on for hours, making references to the various studies and theories I have read, maybe boring those listening to me....  Thank god I haven't lost any of my friends yet...

But beside the knowledge I have acquired, am I happier today than I was six months ago?  Well, the answer is simply and without any doubt YES.  And  it is probably mostly due to the blog itself.

Amongst other things, happiness is about:

- finding meaning to your life
- having goals
- immersing yourself in things you like doing - having 'flow'
- learning
- helping others
- developing wisdom
- being in action
- knowing yourself
- being creative

Writing posts everyday has allowed me to simultaneously work on all of these aspects of my life.  As hard and challenging as it is to find a topic every single day and even though I sometimes feel like I'm painfully extracting thoughts and ideas from my brain, this project has brought my life so much more than what I had anticipated.

So, I'm happier today than I was six months ago, but at the same time, I realize more than ever that happiness is not a destination but a kind of obstacle course that requires work, skill and perseverance.

My friend Christina calls it my lover, my husband, I suspect, is sometimes a little jealous of it, but in the end, because I am happier, I have become, I believe, a better partner and a better friend.

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DAY 176 - THE EATERY LITERARY SOCIETY

Day 176

Months ago, at about the time I began writing this blog, I though about starting up a book club.  Being the procrastinator that I am, it took me six months of thinking before I decided to act.  

Two months ago, I finally sent my friends an e-mail inviting them to join the book club.  It was decided that our first read was going to be The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. 

Yesterday, the club had its first meeting.  I didn’t really know what to expect.  I have never been part of a book club and, although I found a little questionnaire on the novel, I knew we wouldn’t be a very disciplined group.  So, I went, not really knowing how it was all going to turn out, only being sure that we were going to have fun.

The outcome of the evening definitely surpassed my expectations.  My cousin Chris, as a Historian, had done some very enlightening research on the historical background of the book (the story takes place in Guernsey, a small British Island, after World War II), which brought the conversation to a higher level.  We all felt very good about that, flattering ourselves of our intelligence and scholarly conversations.   My cousin Serge made us laugh with his sharp criticism of the book.  My friend Christina, still hadn’t finished reading it, which definitely added to the debate and created some comic relief!!

At a certain point, I looked around and noticed that everybody was talking at the same time.  It sounded like I was at one of my family reunions (Egyptians are known for being loud talkers and for not listening to one another). There was a sort of exhilarating chaos, with everyone vigorously expressing their thoughts on the novel, and on other issues of course.  At that moment, I felt a surge of happiness, as I saw that the event had suddenly taken a life of its own!

Everyone brought a dish to share.  The food was delightful, the company and the evening memorable!  Serge ended up coming up with the name of our Club: The Eatery Literary Society... I think it suits us quite well!  

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DAY 175 - WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE... WOULD YOU STAND UP AND WALK OUT ON ME? (THE BEATLES)

Day 175

I went for a jog today.  I was not motivated at all.  I felt tired and it was cold. I still managed to convince myself to go. I didn't regret it.  I felt so much better afterwards.

While I was jogging, on two occasions I had the opportunity to help somebody.  It happens to me all the time,  but for some reason, I don't always do it.  A woman was carrying a box and wanted to open her car door.  Her hands were full and she was struggling to try to get her key.  I could have offered my help, but somehow I felt uncomfortable, so I refrained from doing it.

As I continued jogging, I wondered how I would have felt if someone had approached me in that same situation.  My natural instinct would have probably been to refuse help.  Our society has become so paranoid and individualistic, that when strangers offer help - or even just smile at us for that matter - we wonder what they want from us and we automatically say no.   For that reason, accepting kindness from strangers and helping strangers has become a rare phenomenon.

I decided right there and then that from now on, anytime I want to offer my help to someone, I'll just go ahead and do it, no matter what the outcome is.  So, as I was approaching my house, a woman had just taken a big box out of a car.  She did not have her jacket on.  She was in front of her apartment building.  As the car drove off, she started running after it, obviously having forgotten to take something out of the car or to say something to the driver.

Right away, I asked her if she needed to use my cellular phone to call her friend back.  She refused, but warmly thanked me.  I felt good, like I had done the right thing.  It wasn't much, but still I was happy about it  Sometimes, it's not about being successful in helping a person, but only about feeling like you're doing what all human beings should be doing: offer help to someone who needs it.

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DAY 174 - HAPPINESS: EAST AGAINST WEST

Day 174 

A Russian student of mine came up to me the other day and asked me why I smiled so much.  He was asking me, but he was also referring to North American people in general.  He thinks that North Americans smile way too much.  In Russia, he says, people only smile when there is something to smile about.  

It is true, that in North America, we tend to value the big, white, beautiful smile as being a sign of happiness, kindness and even success.

It made me think about cross-cultural differences when it comes to happiness and the definitions different societies might have of the concept.  I stumbled upon an article written by Yukiko Uchida, Vinai Norasakkunkit and Shinobu Kitayama entitled: Cultural constructions of happiness: theory and empirical evidence published in the Journal of Happiness Studies.  In that study, the authors compare the perception of happiness in the Western world with the one in Eastern Asia.

They found that the happiness of Westerners was largely based on personal accomplishment, self-esteem and personal gratification.  It was mostly an individualistic quest. They also observed that to feel happy, people had to experience positive feelings such as excitement and enthusiasm. 

In Eastern Asia, happiness tended “to be defined in terms of interpersonal connectedness”. People's happiness came from their relationship with their collectivity, rather than their personal needs and desires being fulfilled. They also noticed that individuals in these cultures wanted to create and maintain a balance between positive and negative feelings.  Finally, Eastern Asians defined happiness as being a feeling of calmness and tranquility.

That study demonstrates that when we, as Westerners, define happiness, we should realize that our vision of it is influenced by our cultural understanding of the word and is not universal.

Happiness is, for many of us, an accumulation of positive emotions brought through positive experiences.  It comes from the bad /evil dichotomy we grew up with and that greatly defines our culture.  You feel bad or you feel good.   When you feel bad, you’re unhappy.  When you feel good, you’re happy. 

Probably because of the influence of many traditional beliefs (Taoism, Hinduism and Buddhism), Eastern Asian people view good and bad, joy and pain, as being complementary and equally essential to a balanced life.  And so negative emotions are viewed as being part of the equation, as much as positive emotions, in order to be happy!  That is why they believe you need to feel calm to be happy and not exhilarated.  That philosophy is something we, as Westerners, can definitely learn from.

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DAY 173- TO BE OR NOT TO BE AN IMPOSTOR ... THAT IS THE QUESTION

Day 173

Have you ever been in a conversation where people are talking about something that you don’t know anything about?  Two reactions are possible in this type of situation, you can either decide to be honest and ask details in order to understand and learn, or you could pretend you know what people are talking about and wallow in your ignorance.

Obviously, put that way, the first solution certainly sounds better.  Why would someone purposely choose ignorance?  The reason why we sometimes choose to pretend we know, even when we don’t, is  fear of judgement. Many of us fear of giving an image of being unintelligent.

Judgement is inevitable.  We judge and we are judged all the time.  In the end, we need to look at it from a personal perspective.  To grow, to learn and to evolve, we need to be humble enough to accept that knowledge is a never-ending work in progress.

As a teacher, I’m often confronted with questions.  I don’t always know the answer, but I often feel like I should.  How could I be teaching and not know everything about my subject matter?  It took me time to accept it, but I’m slowly learning that admitting my ignorance doesn't take away the knowledge I do have.  In class now, when my students ask me something I don't know, I simply say: "Honestly, I don't know, I'll look it up and get back to you."  

When, in the past, in a class context, but also in a social context, I’ve pretended to know, it never made me feel very good.  I would get anxious and start sweating.  I would be thinking: What if someone finds out I'm pretending?  What if I get caught?  In those situations, I would often feel like an impostor.  I would  try not to get noticed or simply suddenly have an urge to go to the bathroom so that I wouldn’t be put on the spot and be forced to reveal my fraud. 

I have already written a post about the fact that we all lie and that lying could sometimes be beneficial to us.  However, in the context of pretending you know something you don't, I believe it is always better to be truthful.  It takes courage, but every time I’m confronted with that type of situation and I confess my lack of knowledge, I come out of the conversation not only feeling happy that I have learned something knew, but also that I was able to stand by and be proud of who I really am.




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DAY 172 - HAPPINESS ACCORDING TO SOCRATES

Day 172

Socrates was born in 469 BC and died in 399 BC. Being the son of a sculptor, Socrates spent half of his life following his father's footsteps, before finally deciding to devote his life to philosophy. Socrates did not write any philosophical books himself. It is the works of his disciples, mainly Plato and Xenophon, that has given us a historical account of his philosophy. Socrates died poisoned, after being accused of both corrupting the minds of the youth of Athens and of not believing in the gods of the state.

Socrates believed that every choice we make in life is dictated by our desire to be happy and that this quest for happiness is shared by all human beings. Socrates divided humanity in three group: people who sought happiness through pleasure, those who found happiness in fame, honour and social status and finally, those who looked for happiness in knowledge and wisdom.

Socrates thought that this last group was more likely to achieve happiness, since he believed that, "an unexamined life is not worth living" and that knowledge and wisdom provide means to examine and analyze your life.

For Socrates, ultimate happiness was therefore found through self-knowledge and by applying this knowledge in order to better the soul. And how would someone aim at perfecting his or her soul? Like many other Greek Philosophers (i.e. Aristotle, Epicurus), Socrates believed you had to be virtuous.

For him, virtue is both necessary and sufficient for happiness. Even though we may feel happy when we acquire things, when we achieve success or when we attend fun events, true happiness comes from virtue. Because if you strip someone of his or her possessions, all that is left is the soul.  And if the soul is evil, then there cannot be happiness.

Socrates believed that if you cultivate the ‘four cardinal virtues’ (courage, wisdom, justice and self-control) throughout your entire life—though you achieve nothing else—you will have lived a truly excellent life.

"The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less."

"Be as you wish to seem"

Socrates

DAY 171 - GETTING THE BOOST YOU NEED

Day 171

For a couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about starting to jog again. Although, I’ve been doing some classes this winter, after my workouts, I never feel as good as when I go for a run. There’s something about the rhythm, the breathing, the flow in jogging that puts me in a meditative state.  Not to mention how incredible I feel mentally and physically after running.

With the arrival of warmer weather, the idea of going jogging was definitely becoming more and more present in my mind. This time around, I thought it would be a good idea to have an objective, like registering to a 5 or 10-kilometre-run event. I thought that for a start, these distances didn't seem so threatening to me.

Today, I was talking to the mother of one of my daughter’s school friends. Both are kids were victims of a rumour and we were discussing the issue. After a while, we started talking about other things. She is a true athlete. She does half marathons, bicycle rides and triathlons. She is in wonderful shape. As I was telling her about my little project, right away she offered to do a 5-km run with me. She told me she would find the event and register us.

She came at the right time, giving me the push I needed to start running again.  Was it a coincidence?  Maybe, but maybe not!  All I know is that after hanging up with her,  I put on my running shoes and went for a twenty-minute jog. I felt so good afterwards, full of energy and especially in a better state of mind...

Sometimes, all you need is a little boost to start up the engine again. It is then up to you to keep it running so that you could get wherever you want to go!

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DAY 170 - DISCOVERING A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH

Day 170

Every session I ask my students to prepare an oral presentation about their passion. As we were doing that activity last semester, a student of mine said something that I thought was really interesting. First, you have to know that this Tunisian woman is one of the most genuine, honest, kind, natural and happy people I have ever met.

As people were going up to do their presentations, she commented that she was so glad that through this exercise she was able to find out something special about each of the students. She continued by saying that everyone has something special and that she loves to take the time to discover it. At that point, I looked at her and thought: "I want to be just like you when I grow up".

I don’t consider myself being particularly judgmental, but I do sometimes get annoyed by people and then stop looking for that diamond in the rough.

I really feel that her words have impacted my way of looking at people. Whenever there is a person that rubs me the wrong way, I look twice to try and find something good about them. And funny enough, I’ve actually been able to do that.  Sometimes it's harder than others...you gotta dig deep, but most of the time it doesn't take much.


When you give people the benefit of the doubt and show them some interest, although they initially seem disagreeable; they often turn around and become kinder. Initial aggressivity and rudeness, I discovered, often stem from a defence mechanism.

And that is exactly what happened to me this semester with one of my students.  I discovered that behind a seemingly rude and tough surface, there was a gentle and generous soul.      


Developing these qualities has definitely been beneficial in my life. Feelings of anger, frustration and irritation toward others tend to be destructive, while giving love and kindness, even to people who initially did not give you a good impression, just plainly feels good and helps make the world a better place.   All right, so there goes my sappy side again!!!  What can I say, I just can't help it!!!


Peace and Love
The hippie wanna be!


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DAY 169 -MAKING ASSUMPTIONS

Day 169

Has it ever happened to you to create a whole scenario in your head about someone’s reaction toward you, only to later find out that none of it was true?

I’ve often experienced that, making assumptions without really knowing the truth.  A couple of days ago, a woman at my daughters’ school whom I’ve befriended passed right by me in the schoolyard, without acknowledging me although I called her name a couple of times.

My first reaction was to think back and try to figure out why she would be upset at me and then to judge her as being rude.  I later on found out her daughter had been bullied and she was very concerned about it.  She was hurrying up to go meet with the Principal of the school.

We all see the world from a personal point of view and so our interpretation of other people’s actions is often seen according to our individual values, experience and character.

I feel like no matter how much in a hurry I am, I would still reply to someone calling me, so I couldn’t really understand why that woman ignored me.

These situations often occur in romantic relationships.  Women and men, or rather different personality types, don’t necessarily react the same way to the same situations.  When something troubles me, I need to think a lot about it before I can talk about it.  My husband, on the other hand, automatically gets it out of his system.   He can’t keep it in for a very long time.  Because of our different ways of reacting, he might sometimes believe I am indifferent because I’m not reacting, while really I am just thinking.   Inversely, I might feel he’s overreacting when really he’s just expressing how he’s feeling at that particular moment.

Learning not to make assumptions can really improve your level of happiness. Everybody has a unique way of looking at the world and reacting to it and most of the time, people’s reactions are a result of their own emotions.

How many times have I been impatient with my kids because of an event that happened during the day that put me in a bad mood...  they're the target but not the source.   Often our interpretation only takes into account a part of the reality so, no matter how hard we try, we can’t really see the whole picture.

In the The Four Agreements, which I’ve written a post about, Don Miguel Ruiz talks about making assumptions and how it could have a negative impact on happiness.  Although it might not be possible to get rid of the habit of making assumptions overnight, becoming conscious that your vision is only one interpretation of reality could definitely be helpful in fighting it.  Deciding that something IS the truth before really knowing only propels you in an imaginary spiral of unhappy thoughts.

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DAY 168 - THE 12 STRATEGIES TO A HAPPIER LIFE: SONJA LYUBOMIRSKY'S PERSPECTIVE

Day 168

I recently realized that since the beginning of my research on happiness, I haven't written about a female psychologist, philosopher or thinker.  Unfortunately, history goes that women have only been recognized as intellectually equal to men in the past 40 years...

So, I'm very happy to finally write about a female author, Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor and researcher in the Department of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside and author of The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, a book  that gives strategies, supported by research, that can be used to increase happiness.

In that book, she talks about the fact that 40% of our happiness is in our control (40% is determined by genetics and 10 % by life circumstances).  I had read some studies about that and written a post about it (see Some people are born happier than others).  I personally thought that circumstances played a bigger role in someone's level of happiness,  but research has shown otherwise.

Later on, in the book, she enumerates 12 strategies that, when followed, increase happiness:

1. Show gratitude ( be grateful for everything you have on a daily basis)

2.  Cultivate Optimism (try to change all negativity you might have)

3. Avoid over thinking and social comparison (don't think too much, it increases sadness and don't compare and be envious of others, it decreases happiness)

4. Practice kindness (little gestures can go a long way, and if you believe in karma, it can only end up coming back to you)

5. Nurture social relationships (through friendships, romantic love and family ties)

6 . Develop coping skills (develop ways of coping with the inevitable and hard realities of life)

7. Learn to forgive (if you do, you free yourself of a burden)

8 - Find more flow (find activities that you completely get immersed in)

9.  Savor the day (enjoy the present moment)

10. Commit to your goals (stick to your goals, try not to give up)

11. Take care of your soul (feed your soul with spirituality, by reading about spirituality or practising a religion)

12. Take care of your body (exercise, eat well and meditate)


These 12 strategies seem simple, yet they require discipline, work and determination.  Maybe the best way of implementing them is to work more specifically on those that are really lacking in your life, one at a time.  In my case, I know I need to focus on committing to my goals, especially when it comes to exercise, and cultivating optimism, which I am definitely better at now.  I also have to learn to really savor the present moment, without worrying about the future.

And what do you need to focus on?

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DAY 167 - THINK FAST... BOOST YOUR MOOD

DAY 167

What do you do when you're feeling blue?  I usually try to get out of my misery by putting uplifting music or by trying to have positive thoughts.   It works but here is another solution:  Think fast!!!!

Researchers at Princeton and Harvard Universities discovered that thinking rapidly could actually boost your mood.  For the research, participants were asked to generate as many problem-solving ideas as possible in 10 minutes, quickly read a series of ideas on a computer and watch a T.V. show clip on fast-forward.  Other participants performed similar tasks at a normal speed.

Results suggested that thinking fast made participants feel more elated, creative and even powerful.  Psychologist Emily Pronin, who led the study, concludes that activities that promote fast thinking, such as whip­ping through an easy crossword puzzle or brain-storming quickly about an idea, can actually boost energy and mood, except of course if you suffer from a bipolar disorder, then it could have the opposite effect. 

It made me think of all the times I've played Scattegories, that game that involves you naming objects within a set of categories, given an initial letter, within a limited amount of time or even the card game of Speed where you have to place cards and think rapidly.  I love playing both those games and I really feel reenergized after I do, although I often feel a little stressed while I'm doing it.

I have also experienced that feeling in brainstorming contexts.   Whether alone or with other people, when my brain enters a spiral of ideas, I feel enthralled. 

Now, the scientific world has studied the phenomenon and discovered that rapid thinking really acts as a mood booster.  Researchers believe that the boost in the mood might partly be due to an increase in the neurotransmitter dopamine, which in consequence increases feelings of pleasure, but also to the fact that by thinking fast people actually EXPECT to feel good.

I've always been a very slow thinker and admired people who think fast.  Are those people naturally happier?  I wonder?  Think of some comedians, Robin Williams for instance, who can process information at such great speed.

Finding activities that require fast thinking will provide added moments of exhilaration, with all the mental and physical benefits associated to that feeling...  And isn't happiness about accumulating as many as these moments as possible?

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DAY 166- YOU CERTAINLY WON'T GET ANYWHERE BY SITTING ON YOUR SOFA ...

Day 166

I don't know about you, but sometimes fear just freezes me.  Fear of failure, more particularily.  I think that if my friend Donna had not sent me a link to this blog and told me to just start writing it, there might not have been a blog.   Not because I'm lazy or I procrastinate, but I know that if I had taken the time to really think about it, some kind of fear would have prevented me from taking the steps to go forward.

The problem with not doing something because of fear, especially fear of failure, is that you're actually accepting to fail before you've even tried to succeed.  It  is accepting defeat without having played any match.  And there are plenty of excuses that I have been able to come up with in order not to pursue a project: "I don't have the time, I'm too busy".  For some reason, I have been finding the time to write every day for the past six months.  "It's not worth the effort if I'm not sure I will succeed".  What does success mean?  Isn't going through with a project and putting energy into trying to achieve a goal success in itself.

I have always been very creative at finding reasons not to pursue a project.  After all, I am a thinker (see my article on the subject: What I can Learn from Doers), so I can be pretty creative in coming up with plausible and logical arguments in order to convince myself not to do something.

This happiness research has taught me that I really need to act on my thoughts and not be afraid to imagine the impossible... dreams never killed anyone...

A few months ago, I registered to a site called Guest Bloggers.  On that site, you can meet fellow bloggers and submit posts for them to publish on their site.  Two weeks ago, overcoming the fear of rejection, I sent three potential guest posts to 4 people.  Two of them answered back and decided to post one of my articles.  One of the bloggers is even thinking of including a new section on happiness on her site, in which I would be a regular guest blogger.

You certainly won't get anywhere by sitting on your sofa and waiting for things to come to you.  If you don't try, how do you know you're going to fail?

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DAY 165 - EMBRACING THE UNKNOWN...

Day 165

Changes occur every day of our lives.   And if we resist change, we could become frustrated and unhappy.   Yesterday, my boss, the Director of the school where I teach, told us that he was retiring. I have always had a wonderful relationship with him.  In the past 10 years, the English department, in which I work, has flourished partly thanks to his open-mindedness, his vision and the trust and freedom he has always given us.  I also just happen to think he's a great person.

Obviously, after his announcement, some of my colleagues started talking about his replacement.  A wind of panic took over the department.  What if the new Director has a more authoritarian approach?   What if he doesn't believe in what we've built?  What if ... he has a big nose, uneven skin and looks like an alien?  Once you begin worrying, so many crazy thoughts can go through your mind.

Change is unavoidable and constant.  Nothing ever stays the same.  Evolution and transformation are just  part of life.  And if it weren't, wouldn't life become so monotonous?  I, for one, would get so bored.  And I hate being bored.  Knowing this intellectually doesn't make the transitions easier.  Especially when change is out of YOUR control.  But it underlines the importance of developing the qualities of flexibility and adaptability in order to remain sane and happy when confronted with change.

Since many of our reactions are a result of our perceptions, if we fear change and we look at it with a dark lense, we will not be able to perceive it in a positive way.  But change could be viewed as being an opportunity for renewal, as though you were given the chance to reinvent yourself.  Sometimes, people are afraid of making career or relationship changes that would actually be so beneficial to their happiness.   It feels so much safer to drown yourself in your misery and have self-pity, than to force yourself to fight your fears, embrace the unknown and create change!

Any worry you would have about the future is based on assumptions anyway.  Apprehension is often much worse than reality.  My friend Donna had a good job, great conditions and a very good salary.  As a mother of two, she couldn't handle running around anymore.  She quit her job and became self-employed.  She was so scared to do it, but I can see she is so much happier now. And if you take it one day at a time and face the changes as they come without being concerned with them ahead of time, you will most definitely remain in a better and more peaceful state of mind.

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."
 Mary Engelbreit

"The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me.  The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them."

George Bernard Shaw

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DAY 164 - THE "FLOW" OF HAPPINESS

Day 164

Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi (it’s a good thing I’m writing his name and not attempting to pronounce it) was born in Hungary in 1934.  Like many of his contemporaries, Second World War had a great impact on his life.  It is in the midst of the misery that surrounded him that he first got interested in happiness.  As he observed adults around him, he wondered how people could find even a touch of joy when their basic need for security was compromised.

Later on, during a trip to Switzerland, Csikszentmihalyi heard Carl Jung speak and became interested in the field of psychology.  He then traveled to the U.S to further his studies. Csikszentmihalyi  began his research on happiness by observing artists and creative people. He noted that the act of creating seemed to put people in what he calls the “flow” state, in which the person is completely immersed in an activity. 

Csikszentmihalyi spent time trying to identify what makes a person achieve that state.  He realized that some activities such as playing chess, playing tennis, skiing, etc. allowed people to become absorbed in such a way that they were no longer self-conscious and that those activities could therefore create that state of “flow”.

However, on a larger scale, he believes that any activity involving creativity, which is neither too demanding nor too simple for a person’s abilities, could provide an “optimal experience” of flow.  By getting involved in such activities, we feel strong and in control. Happiness that depends on external circumstances can certainly provide contentment, but the happiness that follows flow is of our own making.  It is in our control, since we use our abilities to make it happen.

To achieve that state of “flow”, we need to set goals that are somewhat challenging and that remain challenging, so that we don’t fall into the trap of boredom. Csikszentmihalyi insists that happiness does not simply happen. It must be prepared for and cultivated by each individual. Finally, for him, happiness is definitely not about reaching the goal, but rather about enjoying the effortless and unselfconsciousness associated with the process.

“To know oneself is the first step toward making flow a part of one's entire life. But just as there is no free lunch in the material economy, nothing comes free in the psychic one. If one is not willing to invest psychic energy in the internal reality of consciousness, and instead squanders it in chasing external rewards, one loses mastery of one's life, and ends up becoming a puppet of circumstances.”

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi


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DAY 163 -NOURISHING YOUR BRAIN...

Day 163

A few Centuries ago, when you were a Scholar, you knew about mathematics, science, geography, history, philosophy, theology, art, music, etc. If you were going to be worthy of that title, you had to make sure that you had knowledge in all these fields. Think of Leonardo Da Vinci, for instance, who was a scientist, a thinker as well as an artist.

Nowadays, the amount of knowledge in every field is so wide, that we need to specialize. It’s unfortunate, in a way, since all fields are interconnected. Nobody has a global view of the world anymore. We are all stuck in our little "niche".

I’ve always loved to learn. And it seems that the more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know much. Confucius said : "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." Well I guess, according to that definition, I do have knowledge…

Every day I make sure I learn something new.  And as a teacher to adults who come from different cultural backgrounds, it is very easy to do.  My students teach me as much as I teach them. 

This blog has also allowed me to learn a lot, especially about history, philosophy and human psychology.

Learning gives you access to an understanding of the world and allows you to grow as an individual.  I’ve met people in my life who think they know it all.  I believe that when you stop questioning yourself and the world,  and you start believing that you know everything, you stop growing.  You start stagnating.

What is also great about knowledge is that you don't have to keep it to yourself.  Indeed, for me, the greatest part about learning is having the opportunity to share my knowledge.  I guess that is why I chose a career as a teacher.  It is also probably the reason why I'm writing this blog.

Knowledge is endless, accessible and, best of all, free.  And acquiring it and sharing it simply makes me happy!

"Knowledge is power. Rather, knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge -- broad, deep knowledge -- is to know true ends from false, and lofty things from low. To know the thoughts and deeds that have marked man's progress is to feel the great heartthrobs of humanity through the centuries; and if one does not feel in these pulsations a heavenward striving, one must indeed be deaf to the harmonies of life."

Helen Keller

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DAY 162 - TAOISM AND HAPPINESS

Taoism is considered to be a philosophical and religious tradition that was born more than 2500 years ago in Eastern Asia.  The primary figures in Taoism are Lao Tzu and Chuang Tzu, two scholars who dedicated their lives to balancing their own inner spirits.

LAO TZU

Taoism is based on the idea that behind all material things and all changes in the world lies one fundamental, universal principle: the Way or Tao. The most common graphic representation of Taoist theology is the circular Yin Yang figure. It represents the balance of opposites in the universe. When they are equally present, all is calm. When one is outweighed by the other, there is confusion and disarray.   These two polar energies, through their constant interaction, create change causing the movement of the Tao.

Yin Yang Figure

The principle of the Tao creates all existence and governs everything. The purpose of human life, then, is to live life according to the Tao, to the Cosmos, to Nature, in the broadest sense of these words.

Taoism is based on the observations of the patterns in the world and the fact that everything is connected somehow. Taoists therefore believe in following the natural flow of things, the course of nature, instead of trying to go against it.   Darkness and lightness are equally important since one cannot exist without the other.  

In that perspective, nothing is viewed as being good or bad.   Your mind becomes free of prejudice.  Everything is just part of the nature of things.  There is no judgment… there just IS.

Taoists advocate a life of simplicity, and encourage their followers to perform and seek inner peace through the cultivation of optimism, passivity, and inner calm.

Taoism morality is based on the Three Treasures: compassion, simplicity and humility.

According to Taoism, happiness is achievable when we  “go with the flow” and stop going against the current. Furthermore, as Buddhism, Taoism believes that desires can never entirely be fulfilled (we always want more) and invariably lead to a state of dissatisfaction.

Taoism is also concerned with longevity through the balancing of the body ‘ch’i’ (energy force).  Acupuncture and Tai Chi, which both work on re-balancing the energy in the body, are both based on the Taoist philosophy.  Many other practises are based on Taoism, Feng Shui (see a previous post), for instance. 

“Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.”

“Flow with whatever may happen and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.”

“So if loss of what gives happiness causes you distress when it fades, you can now understand that such happiness is worthless. It is said, those who lose themselves in their desire for things also lose their innate nature by being vulgar.”

Chuang Tzu

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DAY 161 - HAVE-TOS AGAINST WANT-TOS : THE BATTLE OF PRIORITIES

Day 161

One life is certainly not enough to do everything I would like to do.  That is why I really need to believe in reincarnation.  Whatever I don't have time to do in this lifetime... I can postpone to my next life.

Very often I have a list of things I would like to accomplish and do in my day.  A mental list of course because, as I have written in a previous post (procrastination), I am a procrastinator, and procrastinators tend to slightly be allergic to written to-do lists.

At the beginning of the day, once I have mentally listed all the things I would like to do, I need to determine which of those things I should prioritize:

- Should I clean up my house or go to the gym?
- Should I play with my children or prepare some meals in advance so I don't rush so much during weekdays?
- Should I go to the movies or do the laundry?

From a strictly hedonic, pleasurable standpoint, the choice is often obvious.  However, if I start feeling like I'm living in a pigsty,  I'll end up miserable.  So really, what is at stake here is long-term well-being versus short-term pleasure; want-tos versus have-tos.

I believe every day should be a balance between activities that you have to do (those activities that don't provide you with immediate gratification) and activities you enjoy doing.  If you only live in the world of obligations, you could become irritated and in a bad mood.  Inversely, if you are always on the mode of immediate gratification, you could very well end up living in chaos, with things around you slowly crumbling down.

Adding a little spice in every day does not require much effort, only will.   And it doesn't need to take that much time.  Sometimes, before my kids go to bed, I'll play a little board game with them... it often only takes 15 minutes and we all feel so happy to have done it.  Or, I'll put on some dance music and start singing and dancing with my kids and husband for the duration of the song.

The thing is, I could have an endless to-do list.  So, if I don't willingly decide to stop and enjoy my life by doing things that provide me with instant happiness (excluding drugs, of course), I could very well end up wasting it trying to finish a to-do list that really has no end.

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DAY 160 - A "DIVINE" ENCOUNTER

Day 160

In the past few weeks, I have been thinking about an old friend of mine a lot.  We used to sing in an a capella ensemble called Diviners.  She is someone I truly connected with.  The moment we met each other, about fifteen years ago, we began singing, talking and right away dug into the world of meaningful conversations.

Last Wednesday, as I was doing my food shopping, I ran into her.  When I saw her, I almost cried of joy.  And as I was talking to her, I wondered why I hadn't seen her in so long.   I guess sometimes life just has to take its course.

I've always admired DeeDee.  She is one of the most courageous people I know.  Once, a very long time ago, she was living a life that made her very unhappy.  She completely and willingly decided to change it.  At the time, she was around 30 years old.   Seeing that her life was not fulfilling her any longer, she slowly began a transformation.  She changed career (she became an actor--not a very easy choice to make), she got divorced and moved from Ottawa to come and live in Montreal.  She took control of her life and has never regretted doing so for the simple reason that she is much happier now than she was then.

She worked really hard to become recognized as an actor.  She never gave up and is now making a living out of her trade... not many actors can say the same.  The thing is with her, she is not lazy.  She is a hard worker, perseverant and doesn't let her fears control her actions: no wonder she is successful.

DeeDee has always been a true inspiration for me.   Needless to say, we promised each other to go for coffee and catch up!  Now that I found her again, I'm not letting her go anymore!  When you connect with people, making sure they remain in her life might require some work, but it is definitely worth the effort.

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DAY 159 - THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH REVEALED

Day 159

No,  I'm not about to sell you a magical cream that promises to give you back your youth... but rather a series of exercises!!!!

In the 1930’s,  an American man by the name of Peter Kelder met a retired British colonel who had travelled through Tibet and visited a remote and isolated monastery located in the Himalayas. The British colonel told him that the monks living there had been practising five exercises, which actually were created by condensing 21 yoga moves into 5, for thousands of years to help them live long and healthy lives. These men lived up to 120 years old.

Peter Kelder went on to write a book called The Eye Revelation: The Ancient Secret of the Fountain of Youth," where he described those exercises called the "Five Tibetan Rites".

Healing practitioners have maintained that the body has seven principal energy centres called the chakras, which correspond to the seven endocrine glands. These five exercises are said to activate and stimulate the seven key chakras and so, all the glands of the endocrine system.

Because the endocrine system is responsible for the body's overall functioning and ageing process, the five rites will affect the functioning of all your organs and systems, including the physical and energetic systems, and the ageing process.

As a result, the practising of these rites has the following benefits:

• improve sleep
• increase energy level
• provide relief from medical problems including problems with the spine
• provide relief from problems with joints
• alleviate pain
• improve memory
• improve physical strength
• improve endurance and vigour
• help lose weight
• improve emotional and mental health
• make you look younger

The five ancient Tibetan rites help normalize hormonal imbalances present in the body and therefore, are said to hold the key to lasting youth, health, vitality and happiness.

I will try this fountain of youth for the next month and I’ll write another post about it to let you know if I feel any significant change.

If you would like try these exercises as well, here’s a link to a you tube video: Tibetan Rites . 

Be healthy, Stay young, Be happy!

Day 158 - LEAVING THE PAST WHERE IT BELONGS

Day 158

We all carry with us a gigantic library of memories.   Some are bad; some are good; but no matter what they are, they should remain where they are: in the past.  I'm not saying that we should forget about our past.  I personally love to reminisce.  However, some people are so haunted or nostalgic of their past, that they forget to live in the present.

A student of mine left Canada about 10 years ago and lived in Cannes until last year.  Her daughter, who is 32 years old, had just had a baby and asked her to come back to Montreal.  As a new mom, she needed the support of her own mother, feeling overwhelmed by her new role.  When I interviewed my student to evaluate her english level, she began crying.  She hates her life here, but doesn't have the money to go back to France.  She is absolutely miserable and cannot adapt to her new life.

Resilience would be of the utmost importance in that situation.  Only when my student begins to accept her situation, will she have the energy to go on with her life.  Living in the past creates inertia.  And in order to enjoy your life, you need to be in motion, otherwise you stagnate.  And we all know what stagnating waters  could carry...  

The past is the past, and whether it is positive or negative, if you are not living in the present, you are not really LIVING!  My student could have the plan to go back, but still try to create a happy life for herself HERE and NOW.  LIfe is linear and to go forward you need to look ahead and not behind.  It's like driving in your car looking in your rear view mirror all the time.  If you do that, you're bound to eventually get into an accident.

Letting go of the past doesn't mean forgetting the past.  It simply means to choose to LIVE in spite of the past.  If it means forgiving someone, crying for a couple of days in order to get it out of your system or writing pages and pages to put on paper your regrets or your sorrow, then be it!!!  The idea is to choose the present and stop blinding yourself from the happiness you could enjoy NOW!!!!  

DAY 157 - LOVE: THE FOUR MYTHS

Day 157

As I was reading a magazine up in the country, I stumbled upon an article that talked about a book called “Act with Love” written by Russ Harris, a British Doctor turned psychotherapist who now lives in Australia.

I’ve already talked about the fact that the definition of romantic love changes and evolves as a relationship advances in time. Embracing this evolution helps you live a healthier and happier relationship.

Russ explains why couples are confronted with problems as their relationship changes and why, so many people, have a hard time finding someone with whom they would want to spend their life.

For Russ, there are four myths about love:

First myth: The ideal partner exists

Probably fed by romantic films and books, many people believe that one person will fulfill all their needs and that the perfect match exists somewhere in the universe. Everyone comes with a set of faults, nobody’s perfect, so while we may have some weaknesses, we tend to expect our partners to have none.  Unfortunately, this way of thinking inevitably creates problems.


Second myth: Love is easy

People tend to believe that love does not or should not require any work, that love is easy. As anything in life, love requires work, patience, compromise and, most of all, good communication skills. According to Russ, arguing with your partner is not problematic, as long as the discussion remains respectful and nonjudgmental. He believes that problems often arise from the absence of these basic elements.

Third myth: You complete me

According to Russ, no one should feel incomplete without a partner. Each member of any couple needs to have his or her own identity and work on flourishing independently. To have a rich and gratifying relationship, both partners need self-actualization. Otherwise, it could lead to dependency and intolerance.

Fourth myth: Passion lasts forever

Most people believe that passion lasts forever. According to Russ, the passion you feel at the beginning of a relationship only lasts six months. After that time, the intensity of the feeling starts diminishing.  However, he believes that authentic feelings can only develop once the honeymoon period is over. Obviously, you still need to create exciting and romantic moments, but it is impossible to do it on a daily basis.

The truth is, lasting love is a never ending work in progress.  Once you decide to embark on that boat, and you truly want your relationship to be successful, you have to be ready to row... otherwise, without realizing it,  you could slowly start drifting away and end up too far to go back to where you initially wanted to go.

DAY 156 - BEAUTY IN THE ODDEST PLACE

Day 156

Last week, my friend Anna sent me one of these slideshows with a message.  I researched the story and found it very inspiring, so I 've decided to share it with you.

Last January, on a cold winter day, a man stood next to a trash can at L'Enfant Plaza subway station in Washington D.C.  He looked very ordinary, wearing a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt and a baseball cap.  He began playing the violin.  He started with a piece from Bach, continued with Shubert's Ave Maria and then went on to play some Manuel Ponce and Massenet.

It was 8 o'clock in the morning and most people passing by him were on their way to work.  Many of them were middle-class government employees.  In 45 minutes, 1000 people went by him.

After three minutes, a man slowed down and listened for a few seconds and then left without leaving any money.  One minute later, the violinist received his first dollar when a woman, who was walking passed him gave him money without stopping.  A few minutes later, a man leaned on the wall to listen to him, then after looking at his watch, he left.  

In the 45 minutes that the man played, seven people stopped what they were doing to hang around and take in the performance, at least for a minute. Twenty-seven gave money, most of them on the run, for a total of $32 and change.

At the end of the performance, nobody applauded.  Out of 1000 people, only one person recognized that it was Joshua Bell, one of the best violinists on the planet.  And that, on that day,  he played Bach's "Chaconne" which is considered one of the most difficult violin pieces to master.

Two days earlier, he was playing at a theatre in Boston and the tickets were being sold at an average of 100 dollars a seat.

This event was organized by the Washington Post  as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: In a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other exceptional things pass us by without us realizing it?

Maybe we should start paying more attention to our surroundings... who knows what kind beauty we could end up discovering!!

Here's the link to the You Tube video of the event: Joshua Bell in the Subway

DAY 155 - UNPLUGGING

Day 155


This week, my children have their spring break and my husband and I  took a few days off from work to spend time with them. Tomorrow, along with my friend Christina, we are going up to the country for a few days. We will be staying at a cottage that does not have internet access.  So, until Monday, I will be unable to post any article on my blog.


I don't consider myself an extremely technological person, but I do check my e-mail a couple of times a day, I go on Facebook once a day, and I check my blog readership many times a day.  That's not counting the time I spend actually writing my blog, researching it and publishing it.  I guess, without realizing it, internet and technology in general, has taken a very important place in my life!


I've consciously decided to completely unplug from technology for the entire weekend.  My I-Phone will be turned off.  I will make a point of doing activities that do not require technology: reading, playing board games,  singing songs in front of the fireplace and, of course, taking advantage of the great outdoors!!!


I know there will be temptation.  I am bringing my I-Phone with me, as a security measure, but I don't intend to use it.  It will be hard.  How could I resist checking my e-mail for 5 days?  God give me strength!!!!!  Who would have thought 10 years ago that technology would become so addictive?


People are becoming more and more aware of the need to unplug once in a while. That is why, last year, a group of Jewish artists prepared a document called the Sabbath Manifesto, where they suggest for people to unplug once a week.  On this one day, you’re urged to:

1. Avoid technology
2. Connect with loved ones
3. Nurture your health
4. Get outside
5. Avoid commerce
6. Light candles
7. Drink wine
8. Eat bread
9. Find silence
10. Give back

The Sabbath Manifesto also began a National Day of Unplugging held on March 20.  I love the idea.  I think that getting rid of the technological distractions helps you focus on all the important things and people in your life!  So, I'm very happy about the fact that by unplugging,  this is exactly what I'm going to do for the next couple of day.