DAY 331 - DO YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT OR DO YOU WANT WHAT YOU HAVE?

Day 331

'What do you want for Christmas?', my children asked me this morning.  'I already have what I want', I replied squeezing them hard!  Come to think about it, though, there are a couple of things I would like to have!  I am not as unmaterialistic as I would like to be!

I know that in order to maximize happiness, I would have to get to that point of wanting what I have instead of always trying to get what I want.  In fact, a research done in 2008 revealed that individuals who want what they have tend to be happier than others.

The study results, detailed in the 2008 April issue of the journal Psychological Science, suggested that one key to achieving greater happiness is to continue wanting the things you have. That is, try to keep your excitement level up about everything you wanted and got.

The problem is, over time, even the greatest purchase becomes one other thing you own.  As excited as you might have been when purchasing it, after a few weeks or months, the excitement eventually subsides and you derive less happiness from that item.

"Simply having a bunch of things is not the key to happiness," said Jeff Larsen, a psychologist at Texas Tech University and author of the research. "Our data show that you also need to appreciate those things you have. It's also important to keep your desire for things you don't own in check."

But how do you achieve that? How do you keep apreciating what you have?  In a book called How to Want What You Have: Discovering the Magic and Grandeur of the Ordinary, Timothy Miller answers that question.

Miller explores ideas based on Eastern philosophy from a modern psychology perspective in order to elaborate three principles aimed at helping us appreciate what we have and renounce those things we don't have.

The first is "Compassion" whereby individuals can see each human being as no better or worse than themselves and, in fact, as similar to themselves. Miller outlines methods to change non-compassionate ways of thinking into more compassionate ways of being.

Next, he considers "Attention" as a skill that enables us to live fully in the present moment while avoiding unnecessary value judgments. Miller concludes with "Gratitude" which he defines as "the intention to count your blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances."

This is not a book about anti-materialism or voluntary simplicity, as the title might suggest. It’s about how to stop constantly wanting something other than what we have right in front of us.  The author examines how we drive ourselves crazy by focusing so much attention on our human desire for more... more wealth, more stuff, more power, more attention, more sex, even more spirituality or more love! According to Miller, whether what we want is good or bad for us doesn’t really matter; it is the act of focusing on the desire that prevents us from living in the here and now.

In the end, since we can't always get what we want, learning to want what we have might really be the way to become happier!