DAY 294 -WORKING NINE TO FIVE, WHAT A WAY TO MAKE A LIVING!

Day 294

I was thinking about the fact that I feel very happy when I go to work.  I often tell my students that it is a real pleasure for me to teach them. And it truly is.  I'm not saying that on a dark gloomy day, I wouldn't rather stay in my bed than wake up at 6:30 in the morning and go to work.  But, as soon as I enter my classroom, I feel great joy and if I had a hard time getting up, all my tiredness dissipates.

I know I'm very fortunate to feel that way.  Many people hate their job, but need it to feed their family.  But  even if you don't enjoy your actual work, there are things you can do to at least make your work environment a happy place to be.


When I got to work this morning, one of my closest colleagues had just had her dog euthanized.  When I asked her if she was all right, she burst into tears.  As I was hugging her, I thought of how important it is to connect with people at your work.  I'm not close to many of my co-workers, but I do have a real connection with  a few of them, people I feel I can be myself with.

I also try to keep my desk tidy.  Mess can become a real distraction and even a source of stress, so I try not to accumulate clutter.  I don't always succeed.  But when I do succeed, it makes me feel better, happier and more efficient.

I put up a beautiful picture of my children on the board right above my work desk.  Looking at them never ceases to bring me joy!  It's as though I'm bringing a piece of my home (a happy place) into my work.

One last thing I believe has helped me enjoy my work environment is the fact that I've developed a great relationship with the assistant director of the school who happens to be my boss.  Whenever there is something that bothers me, I can go to him and talk about it.  If you feel intimidated by your superior it must be very difficult to communicate your needs or to go and express your worries.  So, making sure you have good communication with your manager is essential.

When all fails and if you start feeling trapped and unhappy in your job to the point of it affecting your level of health and happiness, you need to find the courage to let it go.  If money is an issue, then you can start looking for a new job while you're still working.  You might be giving up job security and great benefits... but your mental and physical health will eventually thank you for it.

And what about you?  What do you do to create a happy environment at your work?

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DAY 293 - INSPIRATIONAL WEDNESDAY - OPRAH WINFREY

Day 293

You may like her, you may not, but no one can deny the fact that Oprah Winfrey has had a tremendous influence on American society and has helped millions of people improve their life.

A little background

Oprah Winfrey was born on January 29, 1954, in Kosciusko, Mississippi. Her parents were never married. During the first 6 years of her life, she lived in a poor farming community with her grandmother. After the age of six, Winfrey split her time between her mother in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and her father, in Nashville, Tennessee. While living in Milwaukee, she was sexually abused by a number of male relatives and friends of her mother. Winfrey moved to Nashville permanently in 1968.  Secretly pregnant at 14, she prematurely gave birth to a baby that died soon after being born.

While living with her strict father, Winfrey struggled with drugs and rebellious behavior.  She eventually began to settle after being awarded a University Scholarship.

"I knew there was a way out. I knew there was another kind of life because I had read about it. I knew there were other places, and there was another way of being." 

Oprah Winfrey

Winfrey studied at the Tennessee State University where she received a BA in Speech and Performing Arts. Her father's high standards would inspire her to aim for and achieve more from life. She ended up graduating as an honors student.

Through time, talent and perseverance, Oprah Winfrey became one of the most influential people in America.

Unlike many other famous people,  Oprah Winfrey is far from being born with a silver spoon in her mouth.  Along the way, she experienced many setbacks including being fired from her job as a television reporter because she was "unfit for TV." She never got discouraged, didn't let her past determine her future and worked hard to succeed.

But what is more extraordinary about her story is the way she has used her success to help transform the life of countless people.  She is, beyond all doubt, one of the greatest philanthropists in the 21st century, having given away millions of dollars to various charities.  She has been especially dedicated to supporting educational initiatives and raising awareness of issues that affect women and children, both in the United States and around the globe. Her philanthropic efforts have included Oprah's Angel Network, the Oprah Winfrey Foundation, and the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa, which opened in 2007.

Oprah Winfrey serves not only as an example of success, but also as an example of generosity and altruism.  She has lead a very inspiring life.

"What material success does is provide you with the ability to concentrate on other things that really matter. And that is being able to make a difference, not only in your own life, but in other people's lives."

"I don't think of myself as a poor deprived ghetto girl who made good. I think of myself as somebody who from an early age knew I was responsible for myself, and I had to make good."

"I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear."

Oprah Winfrey

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DAY 292 - NO, I REGRET NOTHING!

DAY 292

Yesterday, I watched an interview with Morgan Freeman.  He is a truly wonderful actor and I've always admired his work.  The interviewer asked him a very thought-provoking question.  He summoned him to project himself on his deathbed and asked him if he would have any regrets.  Morgan Freeman answered that his life was not over yet and so that he could not foresee how he would feel at that particular moment.

It made me think of my own life and how I would want to feel on my deathbed.

Life is short. I know that.  Yet, fighting with a fellow-driver on a corner street, getting into an argument with my daughter about what she’s going to wear to school, getting into a heavy discussion with someone who has a different belief than mine, worrying about yesterday, today and tomorrow are all things I regularly do.  But what purpose?

If life is so short, why not spend it being happy, kind, generous, and in harmony with others. Why make room for negative feelings and thoughts?  They'll have no impact on the result of your life (we will all die eventually no matter what).  They’ll only have an impact on your journey.

One of my colleagues stayed in a fight with her brother for 4 years. They made up, but so much time and energy was wasted fueling the fire of anger.  In the end, there was no winner, only lost time!

I've made decisions in my life that made sense at the time but maybe don't make sense anymore.  I don't think it's possible to go through life without taking some wrong turns.  But whatever decisions I’ve made, I stand by.  I know they were based on how I felt at that particular moment.  I understand that no decision is made in vain and that I've learned from all my mistakes.  But what about now?  And what about the future?

I don't want to have any regrets. So, in order to fully experience life and be proud of my accomplishments, I need to make sure I make appropriate choices in regards to my social and professional involvements as well as my relationships.

I know it's impossible to live a life of only meaningful and positive experiences; there are many unpredictable and unexpected situations that occur in everyone's life.  But regret doesn't come from what you undergo in terms of life circumstances, it comes from the decisions you make despite your circumstances.


“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself.”
Brittany Renée

 “If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”
 Mercedes Lackey

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DAY 291 - THE SMOKY QUARTZ

Day 291

Yesterday, we celebrated my oldest daughter's birthday at my parents' house.  She is turning 10 on September 28. Whenever it's one of my kids' birthday, I probably do what many other mothers do, I tell them their birth story.  It brings me back to the two happiest days of my life.

With birthdays, though, come the headaches of trying to find a present.  My youngest daughter is always very verbal about what she wants, so it is always rather easy to please her.  As for my oldest one, she is not so much into "objects", so I always have a harder time choosing something that will make her happy.

Smoky Quartz

Luckily, though, this time around, she told me exactly what she wanted.  On Friday night, as we were having dinner, she told me: "Mom, for my birthday, I want minerals".  I thought "how about clothes, a board game, earrings, something a bit easier to find than minerals?'  Not only did she want minerals, but she wanted one in particular: a smoky quartz.

I love it when my children are specific about what they want for their birthday.  But,  in this case, I didn't know where to start looking!  Where does one buy minerals?  Not knowing where to look, I turned to a girl's best friend: the Internet.  My daughter and I sat in front of the computer  and started googgling. We found some stores that sold minerals in the United States and in France, but none in Montreal.  I could have made an online purchase, but I wanted to have the present for Sunday.

Finally, I remembered that a couple of years ago, my friend Catherine had spoken to me about a place that sold precious stones.  So, I went there and found exactly what she wanted.  On Sunday morning, my daughter went on Internet again, she showed me images of all the minerals she wanted, asking me where I thought we could find them,  not knowing I had already purchased her gift.

On Sunday evening, when my daughter unwrapped her gift, I sat still, observing her face, more excited about her opening it up than she was. As she finally removed the top of the box and saw the smoky quartz and a few other minerals, she looked at me with the most luminous and genuine smile.  She was ecstatic.  As for me, I became teary-eyed... making my children happy will always be the THING that brings me the most happiness!

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DAY 290 - TAKING IT ALL FOR GRANTED!

Day 290

Photo taken by Tanya at the
Château de Ramezay museum in Montreal 

Today, I went to a historical museum with my students.  We had previously discussed how people lived 100 years ago.  What I found interesting when we had the discussion is that most of my students believe that people were happier back then, because they didn't have to deal with all the stress we're confronted with today.

Yet, when I look back and observe women's condition, the amount of work that was necessary to maintain a home and the conditions of hygiene, I wonder if they really were happier (although happiness is something so hard to define).  Women couldn't vote, couldn't sign checks, couldn't have a career. Their destiny was determined the day they were born.  They would take care of their children, take care of their home and obey their husband (I'm sure my husband would have loved that).

However, it made me think of how when we don't know something, we don't need it!  I grew up having the possibility to choose who I wanted to marry and what I wanted to do with my life.  I grew up with a dishwasher and a washing machine (thank god).   So, I can't imagine living without all of those things.  And if I were to ever loose them, especially my freedom, I would be miserable!

The real problem is, we don't appreciate what we have, until we lose it.  We tend to take every person, every commodity, every single successful area of our lives for granted.

As I was talking about that with some of my students at lunch time, one of them told me a little bit about her story.  She was born in Cambodia.  As a child, she was confronted with war, so she couldn't go on studying.  Her family immigrated to Canada.  She found the man of her life, got married and had children.  With her husband, she began a import -export company.  She is a hard worker.  A self-made successful business woman as well as one of the most genuine people I have ever met.

She told me how grateful she was to be able to finally study.  She has been dreaming about getting the opportunity to go back to school since she was a young girl.  But only now, after becoming a grandmother, has she been able to do it.  She told me that she studies in the evening after having spent six hours in class.  She told me that sometimes, in the middle of the night, she gets up to study some more.... she wants to soak it all in!  For her, learning is a gift, a privilege and a dream come true.

We take education for granted, we take our health for granted, we take being able to eat every day for granted, we take having a house, a bed, a family, friends for granted, we take clean water, electricity for granted, we take the health of our environment for granted.  Let's not wait to lose any of these things to start appreciating them, taking good care of them and being grateful to have them.

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DAY 289 - INSPIRATIONAL WEDNESDAY: ROSA PARKS

Day 289

From now on, on Wednesdays, I will write a post about a person, famous or not, who has an inspirational story.  Examples of courage, love, dedication and inner strength never fail to provide me with food for thought and often give me a warm, fuzzy feeling about the fact that, despite what the media tends to portray on a daily basis, there are many great human beings that roam the earth!

Rosa Parks with Martin Luther  King
in the background

I've decided to start with Rosa Parks.  Many of you probably already know her...

Rosa Louise Parks was born in Alabama, U.S.A. in 1913.  At that time, there was racial segregation in the U.S.  In the southern part of the States especially, black people suffered racism in the most indecent ways.  Some public places were off limits to them and they were asked to give away their seats to white people on the bus, as though they were second-class citizens!

Rosa Parks was a seamstress.   She became an emblematic figure against racial segregation when, on December 1st 1955, she refused to give away her seat to a white man.  I would have loved to see the expression on  the guy's face when she refused to give away her seat!  

The police arrested her and gave her a fifteen dollar fine.  But she decided to bring the case to court.  Meanwhile, a young unknown 26 year-old black pastor by the name of Martin Luther King, launched a campaign to boycott the bus company.  The boycott lasted 381 days.

On November 13th 1956. the Supreme Court  finally abolished the segregational laws being used on buses, declaring them unconstitutional.

I love Rosa Parks' story.  She didn't let fear dictate her behaviour, she chose to live by her beliefs and values, despite the consequences.  She was a black woman in a world ruled by white men, but she believed her voice was as important as anyone else's and she made sure it was heard.

"I would like to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free... so other people would be also free." 

Rosa Parks

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DAY 288 - THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

Day 288

This picture was taken by Alain, one of my students.

Hopefully you will not be too disappointed, but I'm not going to talk about sex (maybe one day I will), but about the fruit Eve ate and shouldn't have eaten: the apple!

Apple-picking is one of my favourite summer-into-fall activities. On a crisp autumn day, there is nothing better than blue skies, green grass and fresh red apples. I usually go with my children, but this year I went with my students. 

When we arrived at the orchard last Friday afternoon, I looked around and finally understood why apples have held such a place in mythology. The contrast of the red of the apples against the green of the trees and the blue of the sky created such a picturesque and mystic scenery.

My students were all excited about apple picking.  I have many immigrant students and some of them have only been in Canada for a couple of months, so it was a new experience for them.  Jose, a Venezuelean student, was particularily happy.  He told me he had always wanted to visit an orchard, that in Venezuela, all he could pick were mangoes!  I wish I could go mango picking!  I guess "exotic" is a relative concept. 

As soon as we arrived, another of my students, Tanya, who is Bulgarian, started climbing a tree.  Right away I ran to her, telling her if she wanted, I could bring her a ladder so it would be easier for her to climb. She burst out laughing telling me that she loved climbing trees, that it was part of the experience...

At the end of the day, I came back home with a gigantic bag of Macintosh apples, my favorite kind.  I also arrived home feeling that doing that activity had brought happiness to my students and a time, for all of us, where we truly got to enjoy each other's company and live in the PRESENT!

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DAY 287 - SECRETS OF THE HEART

Day 287

No one can argue the importance of the heart.   It is the most precious organ... When the heart stops beating, life ends.  It is the engine that runs the body.  It is also the place where we feel emotions.  When we feel love, anger or sadness, the heart reacts.

From the field of medicine to poetry, from psychology to visual arts and music, the heart has been analyzed in many angles.  However, we are still making unbelievable discoveries about its functions.

A couple of years ago, I read about a man who had gotten a heart transplant from someone who had been assassinated.  A few weeks after getting his new heart, the man began having nightmares about a murder.  After further investigation, he realized that, in his dreams, he was witnessing the assassination of his heart donor.  With his help, the police was able to identify and prosecute the killer.

That story and other heart transplant stories have led some to believe that not only the brain, but also the heart has the ability to retain information.  It has a memory.

A couple of days ago, my friend and colleague John posted a link on his facebook page.    It's a video about the latest findings about the heart.  It first talks about the importance of having a coherent heart, a heart that beats at a regular rate throughout the day.  Positive emotions (love, compassion, gratitude) are said to create that "coherent" rhythm, which synchronizes all the neurons and other bodily organs.  On the opposite spectrum, negative emotions (anger, irritation) create an incoherent heart and, according to some scientists, can lead to an array of health problems.

I personally found fascinating one experiment in which researchers asked participants to look at positive and negative images.  Strangely enough, before the images were seen by the eyes and processed by the brain, the heart reacted appropriately, as if it knew what kind of image was coming.  However, the knowledge only entered consciousness when the participant saw the image a few seconds later.

Researchers conclude that the heart may have access to a universal knowledge... found in a place outside of time and space.

It is often suggested to focus on feelings of love and compassion when you meditate.  It helps quiet your mind and bring happiness and peacefulness to your soul... I guess concretely it also helps get the heart in a coherent state and, by doing so, helps promote health and give a sense of wellbeing.


"The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart."

Buddha


You Tube Video about the Heart


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DAY 286 - THE APPLE NEVER FALLS VERY FAR FROM THE TREE...

Day 286

Today, talking to my colleague Gloria, I realized that, as much as we all try to distinguish ourselves from our parents, as much as we try to denigrate their way of life, especially when we are young, we have internalized their values and beliefs so much that, as we age, we start acting like them without realizing it.

Gloria is of Italian origin.  She grew up in a very Italian neighbourhood.  Her father made his own wine, canned his tomatoes and planted a humongous garden.  All Italians I know do that.  Gloria is a very modern Canadian-Italian woman.  She has clearly distanced herself from her conservative upbringing.   She has two daughter and is raising them with an open mindedness her parents never had.

However, today, she came to school very excited!  "Tomorrow, she said, is TOMATO DAY!"  "Tomato day, I replied, is that an Italian national holiday?"  You see, tomorrow, Gloria is going to can tomatoes.  Her garage is full of tomatoes and she will spend her Friday boiling, peeling and canning!  It's such a big event, that her sister is coming down from Toronto to do it with her!

That example is concrete.  Some of the influence of our parents is more subtle.  Sometimes, I'll be scolding my children and I'll recognize my father in myself.  I'll use the same words, the same tone of voice!  For the longest time, I rejected traditions.  I even refused to learn arabic when I was young.  I wanted to fit in, be like all my other Canadian friends.  Only now, do I realize how rich my cultural background is.  Only now, am I able to fully embrace my origin and the great influence my parents have had on the development of my identity.

I believe self-knowledge and self-acceptance are essential elements to happiness.  And that you can't deny that who you was partly determined by where you came from...

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DAY 285 - FIGHTING THE "MESSY DRAWER" SYNDROME!

Day 285

How do people keep their drawers tidy? Every once in a while, I need to empty my drawers entirely, because they get so messy, I can't find anything anymore!!!! When my husband opens his drawers and I see how everything is in order, it aways amazes me, and I have to tell you, I get a little envious.  How does he do it?  And why can't I?

I try. I swear I do. Whenever I go on a cleaning spree, I always vow to maintain it that way.  And I ask my children to do the same.  But none of us do... except for my husband!  When I ask how he does it, he replies:"I just put things back where they belong."  Yeah right, as if it's that simple!!!!

At work, I clean out the top my desk and, for some reason, after a few weeks, things pile up again.  My purse, same story... I empty it out of all the useless bills. I do it while I'm waiting at the dentist or at the doctor's office.  I always feel people are staring, judging the piled up junk that keeps coming out of my purse.  Sometimes I'll wonder: "Why on earth do I still have a grocery bill dating back to 2007????"

The problem is, I hate chaos and mess.  I feel like when I'm surrounded by it, I can't think clearly...  So it's important for me to really learn to manage that part of my life.  When it comes to keeping my house tidy, I have no problem.  If I see the mess, I'll get rid of it.  Drawers sneakily "hide" the mess, so I'm able to forget about it and actually pretend it's not there.

Today, I tidied up my work desk.  I spent a couple of hours organizing, filing, throwing, recycling... At the end of the day, I somehow felt like I had had a long relaxing bath.  I felt as though all the accumulated fog in my brain had finally lifted.  It made me feel great.

Next on the agenda: my drawers and my children's drawers!

And how about you? Are you able to keep your drawers tidy?

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DAY 284 - THE FOUR ARCHETYPES OF HAPPINESS... WHICH ONE DO YOU BELONG TO?

Day 284

Last week, I wrote about Dr. Ben-Shahar's tips on living a happier life.   In a book called "Happier", he also explains that there are four basic archetypes of happiness when it comes to decision-making, and that most of us probably belong to one of them:

1. Hedonism - These people constantly seek happiness in activities that give them pleasure, no matter what impact it may have on their future.  People who suffer from addictions often tend to live in that way. They enjoy the here and now, and that's all! They believe that they can sustain happiness by experiencing one pleasurable activity after the next.

2. Rat Race - These people are on the opposite side of the spectrum.  They always postpone present happiness in order to pursue goals that they believe will bring them happiness in the future.   They forget to live in the present.

3. Nihilism - These people believe that no matter what they do they will never attain happiness. Basically, these are the ones who have lost all hope of ever being happy.  They are pessimistic and fatalistic.

4. Happiness - Happiness requires that we live for both today and tomorrow. These are the people who engage in activities, which they find meaningful and pleasurable today, and, at the same time which help them invest in their future happiness and wellbeing.

Maybe most of us have belonged to various of these archetypes at different times in our lives.  I remember being very hedonistic (when I had no kids, no responsibilities and only myself to worry about...ah those were the days)! I also remember times when I felt that the present was so difficult that the idea of the future was the only way to go (for instance, when I first gave birth to my eldest daughter).

Only now do I realize how important it is for me to both evaluate the impact my present decisions and actions will have on my future happiness and wellbeing, as well as take advantage of the present on a daily basis.  I guess, once again, it's all about trying to achieve balance...

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DAY 283 - YOUR SUCCESS... IS ONLY SEVEN "HABITS" AWAY

Day 283

Our world puts a lot of emphasis on success.  But what is success exactly?  I believe it is your ability to reach your full potential.  So, in fact, there is no universal definition, it depends on each individual.

However, one thing is certain, to be able to be proud of yourself and your accomplishments, whatever they are, whether they pertain to your family, romantic, professional or social life, you need to take the means to become the best that you can be.

In a book called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey describes the characteristics necessary to achieve success, suggesting that there are some absolute principles that exist in all human beings. Some examples of such principles are fairness, honesty, integrity, human dignity, quality, potential, and growth.

In order to achieve success, he believes that you need to first become independent and then learn to accept the interdependence aspect of life.

For him, to become interdependent, one first must be independent, since dependent people have not yet developed the character for interdependence. Therefore, the first three habits focus on self-mastery, that is, achieving the private victories required to move from dependence to independence.  Habits 4, 5, and 6 then address interdependence.  Finally, the seventh habit is one of renewal and continual improvement.
Here are Covey's seven habits:

Habit 1 - Be proactive

This is the ability to make decisions no matter your environment, to take control of your life instead of being controlled by external events. 



Habit 2 - Begin with the end in mind



Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership - leading yourself that is, towards your goals. It is the ability to develop those goals according to your personal principles and to know where you are heading.  It's much easier to be motivated if you know what result you want to achieve. 


Habit 3 - Put first things first

Covey calls this the habit of personal management. This is about organizing and implementing activities in line with the goals established in habit 2.  It is the ability to prioritize your time according to your goals.

Habit 4 - Think win-win

Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership.  He deems cooperative efforts as being necessary for any type of achievement.  He believes you should always seek agreements and relationships that are mutually beneficial.

Habit 5 - Seek first to understand and then to be understood

This is Covey's habit of communication, and it's extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his simple analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe'. Simple and effective, it is essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life.  



Habit 6 - Synergize


Covey says this is the habit of creative cooperation.   Everyone's contribution is beneficial.  It is based on the principle that the whole is greater than the sum of its part. Through mutual trust and understanding, you can often go much further than by using only your ideas and energy. 



Habit 7 - Sharpen the saw

Covey divides the self into four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the social/emotional, which all need feeding and developing.  He believes you need to take time out from production to build production capacity and create balance in your life.

Covey gives an interesting insight on how to reach your full potential.  We have one life (unless reincarnation exists), so why not try to become the best you can be.  I don't know if applying Covey's 'habits' can really get you there, but I do know that constantly trying to improve yourself can only help.

Transformation takes time and whether you decide to implement these changes or other ones you deem better, patience is one of the most important qualities you will need to have.

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DAY 282 - IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT... AND I FEEL ALL RIGHT!

Day 282

Saturday nights have always held a special place in my life.  When I was a child, I often spent Saturday nights playing board games with my family. I especially loved playing Monopoly.  We would spend hours strategizing, discussing, often going to bed very late.  I was the baby of the family (5 and 6 years younger than my brothers), so I generally didn't win (unless I cheated), but I didn't care.  I just enjoyed being with my parents and brothers, spending quality time and without knowing, creating future memories.

Later on, Saturday nights became "celebration" night.  I would look forward to that evening all week long.  My friends and I would make plans early on during the week.  My friend Christina and I would often meet up before going out.  We would get ready together, taking the time to select the best clothes and put on make up, in order to look our best (I don't think I've really worn any make up ever since)!  We partied all night and in the wee hours of the morning, we'd go grab something to eat, something really junkie!

Today, I still love Saturday nights.  We often turn it into movie night,  as we did yesterday.  We rent a movie, buy popcorn and any other goodie my kids are in the mood for and we sit down, under a warm blanket to watch a movie. We generally choose a comedy.  Laughter has a way of making you forget all your worries!  We cuddle, laugh and comment on the movie constantly.

I really cherish these little moments with my children.  The thing is, my kids still think we're great!  At the ages of 10 and 7, they WANT to spend time with us.  Who knows what will happen once they reach their teenage years!!!!!  (I know some parents who do have the "teenage breed" and it sounds like hell!)  So, those nights are precious to me. They always serve to remind me of how important it is to stop time, forget about everything that needs to be done and really FULLY enjoy and live in the PRESENT.

I know one day we will all be able to look back at those Saturday nights with a smile.  And when my kids become adults, I might even think about it with a touch of nostalgia!  All right, I better stop now, I'm already getting teary eyed! Must be the full moon!

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DAY 281 - TAL BEN-SHAHAR - SIX TIPS TO LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE...

Day 281

Tal Ben-Shahar is a teacher and writer in positive psychology.  He has taught at Harvard University, where his classes are said to have been the most popular in the University's history.   He is also the author of Happier: Finding Pleasure, Meaning and Life's Ultimate Currency.   Here are his 6 Happiness Tips.


1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions — such as fear, sadness, or anxiety — as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.


2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.

3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?

4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.

5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do — or don’t do — with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.


6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.


In the end, achieving happiness really does matter and has an impact on every aspect of our life.   Research proves that happy individuals have better relationships, are more likely to thrive at work and  live longer lives.  So, as Ben-Shahar suggests, happiness might truly be life's “Ultimate Currency.”


"The happiness revolution, which is about the change from material perception to happiness perception, is mental and therefore internal. No outside force is required to bring about this change. Conscious choice - the choice to focus on happiness as the ultimate currency - is the only agent."

Tal Ben-Shahar

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DAY 280 - FLEETING MOMENT OF HAPPINESS: THE AGASSI STORY...

Day 280

I've been reading Andre Agassi's autobiography.  Considered one of the most successful tennis players, Agassi appears to be a troubled soul and not at all a happy-go-lucky kind of person.  At four years old, his father had him hit 5000 balls a day.  Long before he was born, he had decided that his son would become a tennis champion and he did everything in his power to make it happen.  He was a tyrant,  to putting his son through long hours of training, to the detriment of everything else even academic work.

Agassi says he hated tennis, but since he never learned to do anything else in life (he dropped out of school at the age of 14), he couldn't imagine doing anything else with his life.

A turning point in his career, was in 1992, when he won his first grand slam championship at Wimbledon.  He describes the joy he felt, after years of struggling to win a big tournament.  After his victory, he dropped down on his knees and then on his stomach, and began to sob uncontrollably!  From that moment on, he became an international star, being invited to V.I.P. events.  Hollywood stars, such as Kevin Costner, fascinated by tennis, invited him over to their houses.  After years of working hard, but being criticized by the media and journalists as being a fraud, he was finally acknowledged for his abilities.

What I find interesting, in terms of happiness, is that Agassi himself writes that reaching that goal didn't change his happiness level: "But I don't feel that Wimbledon has changed me. I feel , in fact, that I've been let in on a little secret: winning changes nothing.  Now that I've won a slam, I know something that very few people on earth are permitted to know.  A win doesn't feel as good as a loss feels bad, and the good feeling doesn't last as long as the bad feeling.  Not even close."

It reminded me of the 'hedonic adaptation' theory argued by positive psychologists, which postulates that after experiencing major positive or negative events, human beings tend to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness.

In other words, attaining  your goals is not what is going to give you long lasting happiness... It will give you an unbelievable rush when it happens, but you will quickly return to what psychologists call your 'set point of happiness'.  So what is more important than reaching your goals is enjoying the ride and making the right and 'happy' choices along the way.

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DAY 279 -AND SO HE BECAME RED WITH ANGER!

Day 279

For the long weekend, we went up to the country with my brother-in-law’s family. We rented a condo located in a complex that has two pools, a whirlpool, a steam bath, etc. We have been going away on labour day weekend for the past three years and I feel that it’s a great way to end the summer and stock up on vitamin D.


We drove up in two cars and inavertently, my brother-in-law parked his car in the parking spot of another condo owner. On Saturday afternoon, an angry and very agressive man came knocking on our door, screaming that we had ruined his weekend! Because we were parked in his spot, he decided to park in an illegal spot and his car was towed away. It was going to cost him 100$ and he wanted my brother-in-law to pay for it.

As I witnessed that man get upset to the point of losing all sense of reason, I started to think of how anger is an emotion that makes people lose control and sometimes even get violent. I’ve already talked about how important it is for your mental health to learn to manage anger (see Managing your Anger),  but anger can also have an impact on your physical health.  It triggers the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response and, when it's left unmanaged, it can eventually lead to short and long-term health problems including:

- Headaches
- Digestion problems, such as abdominal pain
- Insomnia
- Increased anxiety
- Depression
- High blood pressure
- Skin problems, such as eczema
- Heart attack
- Stroke

The matter of the fact is, it is natural to sometimes get angry. The idea is to learn to cope with the emotion without making it affect your own physical and mental health, as well as the health of those  around you.

Learning to breath, getting away from the situation until your thoughts are clear, counting up to 10, doing exercise are all great ways to manage anger.  In the end, although you need to express your feelings, it has to be done with level-headedness so that you don't end up ruining your relationships, your health as well as your day!

If you like this post, pass it along.  To receive posts as they're being published, you can either send me an e-mail at alina500daystohappiness@hotmail.com or join the facebook group:  500daystohappiness.