DAY 154 - AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...

Day 154

As many people did, I watched the Oscar Ceremony last night. Not entirely though, probably because I have always been a little turned off by the glamour and glitter of Hollywood. Not that I don't like beautiful expensive things, but for some reason, the superficiality of it all makes me uncomfortable. I never completely get into it. Maybe I’d feel differently if I were the one being handed an Oscar.  Who knows?

I recognise that Hollywood is full of talented people and that not every famous person has lost touch with reality. However, I think that when you've lived life between your mansion, a movie set where everyone is at your service and a red carpet, you probably get a distorted image of what’s truly important in life and you might even have slightly lost touch with reality.

Everyone who won an Oscar went up on stage and said that it was the happiest day of their life. And I'm sure you must have an overwhelming feeling of joy when you win the most prestigious prize in film for your talent and your hard work. But at the same time, as I was watching, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that while millions and millions of dollars are being spent on this event every year, some American parents are struggling to feed their children.

I’m not denying the fact that films bring happiness to the world, because they really do. Filmmakers are creators who are able to add magic to our lives and help people escape their harsh realities. However, because the industry has become so profitable and actors are getting paid insane amounts of money, the essence of the art is sometimes lost in the midst of all the glamour.

I just wish our society would start paying more attention to the humanitarians of the world who make a difference in people’s lives on an every day basis, making sure entire families are fed and roofed.  Many of them would deserve a trophy... and maybe, even just a portion of the money spent on the Oscars should be spent trying to make a real difference in people's lives!

DAY 153- FONDUE NIGHT... AND THE 'BUBUZELA'

Day 153

"Fondue night" is a traditional yearly event that began in 1993, when three of my friends, Anna, Margie, and Serge, and I decided to celebrate Christmas with a fondue dinner.  At that time, we owned a translation company called Fab translations and we were the "Fab Four".

As the name of the evening says, the meal consists of a cheese fondue, a Chinese fondue and, for dessert, a chocolate fondue.  As years went by, we added people to our traditional meal and, because we all had so many parties to attend around Christmastime, we decided to hold the event after the holidays.   

Last night was "Fondue Night".  We were 12 people around the table.  As per usual, the evening began with the cheese fondue.  For the Chinese fondue portion of the evening, we always organize a sauce competition.  We  make up teams of 3 and we have exactly 5 minutes to concoct an original, tasty and appealing sauce.

We then have a voting system to determine a winning sauce.  There is no prize attributed, just the honor of having concocted a great tasting sauce.   My team lost.  We were in last place. I'm sure some cheating went on, because we all knew it truly was the BEST sauce!!!!!

vuvuzela

At the end of the evening, as we did last night, we often play charades.  My cousin Serge takes on the role of the "strict and ruthless" referee.   He always makes us laugh with his attitude and his choice of words to mime.

Last night,  our friend Sophie had to mime the word 'thong',  I had to mime 'bubuzela'.  When I asked the strict referee what it meant,  he just said: "Google it".  Needless to say, I couldn't do it on the spot!  So I mimed it one syllable at a time, hoping someone would know what it was. Nobody guessed!

So I googled it today, the real word is
'vuvuzela'  and not 'bubuzela' and it is the plastic horn used in soccer matches!

With good food, good friends,  pure fun and laughter...  last night had all essential ingredients for an exquisite evening of delight!
      

DAY 152 - HAPPINESS ACCORDING TO ABU HAMID-AL-GHAZALI

Day 152

Abu Hamid-al Ghazali was born in Persia in 1058 A.D. and died in 1111 A.D.  He is considered to be a great authority on Islamic theology.

Al-Ghazali became a professor at Baghdad University in 1091. Following a spiritual crisis in 1095, he abandoned his career to become a Sufi mystic. After ten years of wandering, he settled down to teach again, inspired by his new mystical insights.

Al-Ghazali wrote many books.   Amongst others, he wrote a book called “The Alchemy of Happiness” in which he describes his vision of how to lead a happy life.

For Al-Ghazali, one of the most important ingredients is self-knowledge.  He believed that we are all born with a perfect heart and spirit, which is obscured by our desires.  If we get rid of all our selfish desires, we can access that pure self.

Al-Ghazali also thought that happiness could only be attained if we exercise our higher faculties such as imagination and reason. 

That is why, he believed, prophets, throughout history, were happy people.  They spent their lives using these higher faculties and had the moral discipline to purify their hearts of desires and resentment as well.   They combined two essential elements to be able to seek the Ultimate Truth.

Finally, according to Al-Ghazali, we are all born with what he called, a “knowing pain of the soul”.  We all seek happiness in order to appease that pain.  However, we are trying to find it through physical pleasure when, in fact, it is located at the spiritual level.  

DAY 151 -IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF HAPPINESS, PLAY ON...

Day 151

Music can definitely have an impact on my mood. When I’m feeling gloomy, putting on an upbeat song is sure to lift my spirit.  That’s why I enjoy putting music on when I’m performing a boring task.  It makes me feel happier and it makes the task at hand seem less monotonous.

McGill University Researchers have recently demonstrated that, in fact, listening to music releases dopamine in the brain, the so-called ‘happy chemical’ associated to good food, sex and illicit drugs.

The study found that before the music even began, just anticipating the music could get the feel-good chemical flowing.

Those findings can explain why, no matter the culture, music has been part of every tradition throughout history.

I don’t believe that the same music can have the same impact on everyone. In terms of happiness,  “Respect”, from Aretha Franklin is on top of my list, along with “I Will Survive”, “Three Little Birds” from Bob Marley and the whole Grease Album….  I’m not sure my parents would feel much happiness if they heard the same songs…

Each generation has its classic joyful hits!!!  And because music revives memories, songs you listened to while growing up can produce not only a present feeling of happiness, but also trigger memories of past moments of happiness.

Listening to music is the perfect “quick fix” to a 'not-so-perfect' day.  Scientifically, besides releasing dopamine, some types of music have also been proven to alleviate stress, reduce anxiety and depression and speed up healing.  That is the reason why it has increasingly been used as a form of therapy.

“Without music life would be a mistake.” 

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

“Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons.  You will find it is to the soul what a water bath is to the body.”

Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.”

Plato

DAY 150 - BECOMING AN OPTIMIST… SO WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO LIE TO YOURSELF!

Day 150

My research on happiness has convinced me of the importance of optimism in my quest for happiness.  To be lucky, healthy and successful, you need to be an optimist.   Here is how it works:

If you think you will fail at something, you will give up more easily than if you are sure you are going to succeed.  People who tend to be optimistic are therefore far more perseverant than those who are not, which invariably increases their chances of success.

Thomas Edison is said to have tried and failed to create the light bulb many times.  As he was working on trying to find the right wiring for his invention, his detractors wanted him to admit he had failed, he simply replied:  “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work”.

If I want to lose weight, but I keep on telling myself that I’m not going to be able to stick to any type of exercise or diet, I’m giving up before I even start.  Last January, when I asked people what their resolution was for 2011, many of them told me they never made any resolution, because they were too afraid they weren’t going to stick with them.  If you don't believe you can succeed, you won't.  It's as simple as that.

So, if optimism is one of the essential ingredients to health and happiness, why not try to become more optimistic.  It doesn’t mean you need to become the bubbly annoying person who always seems cheery for no apparent reason (ok that sounds a little grumpy of me, but you understand what I’m talking about). 

  

If I observe the optimists around me, I notice that many of them tend to lie to themselves in a positive way.  These lies help them persevere in trying to reach their goals.  It fuels their engine to go further.  So why not lie to yourself (you do it anyway - see my post entitled Truth or Lie on day 114).  If it is going to help you get to where you want to go, and you’re not harming anyone by doing it, what do you have to lose?

Optimists tend to have good self-esteem and positive thoughts.  They also see themselves as being responsible for their success, as opposed to looking at it as being the result of random chance.   

In order to achieve that optimism, you need to slowly try to control your self-talk, your inner dialogue.  I know it sound cheesy, but maybe by saying to yourself that you are great when you feel you’re not, and by fighting off negative thoughts and replacing them forcefully with positive ones, even if they sound phony at first, you can begin the necessary transformation.

Everyone needs to figure out how to become more of an optimist for themselves.  For some people, it will take more battling than for others, but in the end, if you know that it is one of the surest ways to health, happiness and success, why not try to put all the chances on your side.   

DAY 149 - REKINDLING MY LOVE... FOR THE ART OF COOKING!

Day 149

Is cooking a chore or a pleasure?  Obviously, there isn't only one answer to that question.  It all depends.  When you are pressured by time and you need to “produce” a meal rapidly, finding pleasure in cooking is very challenging.  However, when you have the time, cooking can turn into a wonderful pleasurable experience.

I love eating good food, trying recipes, delighting my taste buds in original and surprising spice combinations.   The problem is, I don’t have much time to do it.

I’ve been busier than ever.  Between writing this blog, working and taking care of my children, I don’t feel I have that much time.  Yet, in the past few weeks, encouraged by my eldest daughter’s growing interest in the field of culinary art, I’ve experimented with new recipes and I have to say that I have revived my love for it.

Chocolate fondant cake, beef bourguignon, apple and strawberry crumble, Indian butter chicken… These are only a few of the new recipes I’ve tried in the last two weeks. 

What I’ve noticed is that in fact, trying out new recipes doesn’t take more time than doing the same old recipes over and over again.  Granted, it requires more preparation (making sure you have all the ingredients) and more mental effort (you can’t cook with your eyes closed, you need to be focused), but in terms of time, it doesn’t really prolong the amount of it spent preparing the meal.

It seems like around me, more and more people are getting back into cooking as well.   Amongst others, my cousin Serge, who has been trying out and sharing with us new dishes.  He called me last night and told me he had just baked some bread!    Homemade bread… is there anything more delightful?  I can’t wait to try it out! 

I had been thinking (after all I am a thinker as you found out in my post: What I Can Learn from Doers) about trying new recipes.  I am now doing it, dusting off my favorite recipe books and spending time with my daughters sharing happy moments pouring, stirring, whipping and rediscovering the pleasure of cooking!

DAY 148 - THE PLEASANT LIFE, THE GOOD LIFE, THE MEANINGFUL LIFE

Dr Martin Seligman is the Director of the University of Pennsylvania Psychology Center and founder of Positive Psychology, a relatively recent branch of psychology which studies positive emotions, positive character traits and positive institutions in order to help people and communities lead happier lives.

Dr Seligman believes that there are three types of happiness:  the pleasant life, the good life and the meaningful life.  

The  Pleasant Life

He defines the pleasant life as being the ability to have positive emotion and appreciate the pleasures of life, such as enjoying your favourite food, having fun with friends, going shopping, sex, etc. The pleasant life is  a life that successfully pursues the positive emotions about the present, the past, and the future.

The Good Life

For Seligman, the good life consists of a life filled with “flow" which  can be defined as a state in which “action and awareness are merged.” It’s being so immersed in what you’re doing that you lose track of time and feeling. You’re completely focused on the task at hand and nothing will distract you from it. You can have flow when you discover your unique virtues and "signature" strengths and you start using them creatively to improve your life.  

The Meaningful Life

Seligman believes the meaningful life is achieved when you find a deep sense of fulfillment by using your signature strengths not for an individualistic purpose, but for a purpose greater than yourself.  

In Seligman's view,  each of these three types of happiness has its importance in people's lives.  However, in order to have a long-lasting feeling of fulfillment, he believes we need to gradually get to the third type of happiness, which forces us to go beyond our individualistic desires, and use our strengths to serve others. 

"Just as the good life is something beyond the pleasant life, the meaningful life is beyond the good life."

"Optimism is a tool with a certain clear set of benefits: it fights depression, it promotes achievement and produces better health."

Martin Seligman

DAY 147 - FREE FALLING INTO THE ARMS OF MORPHEUS

Day 147

It is 10:30 pm.  The dishes are done.  The lunches are prepared.  I've published my post, brushed my teeth, meditated and I'm ready to go to bed.  I enter my bedroom.  And there it is, patiently waiting for me: my pillow.   As I put my head on that pillow and crawl under my warm comforter, all the problems of the day vanish.  After reading a few pages of a book, I turn off the light.  And then, I willingly fall into the arms of Morpheus, the God of dreams. 

I have talked about how important sleep is for happiness... what I'm now telling you is that the actual action of sleep brings me happiness.  Many people I know think that sleeping is a waste of time.  I love sleeping.  I know it is a little bit of a non-activity, but I can really appreciate that moment of the day when everything, even time, seems to stop.  My favorite moment is when I am about to fall asleep; when I'm in that meditative state, somewhere between the world of dreams and reality.

I fall asleep on my stomach.  So, I started wondering if it meant anything. After doing some research, I found out that your sleeping position says something about the kind of person you are.  I thought I could share that information with you.  Maybe, you will recognize yourself and people around you.  Maybe not...

Foetal position - If you sleep in that curled-up position, you are tough on the outside but sensitive at heart. More than twice as many women as men sleep this way.

Log - If you sleep in this side position, with your arms down, you are social, easygoing and trusting, to the point of sometimes being gullible.

Yearner  - If you sleep on the side, with your arms reaching out in the front, you are open-minded but can be cynical, suspicious and stubborn once you've made up your decision.

Soldier - If you sleep on your back with your arms on the sides, you are generally quiet and reserved. You set high standards for yourself and others.

Freefaller - If you sleep on your stomach with your arms grasping the pillow or under the pillow, you are brash, outgoing and dislike criticism.

Starfish - If you sleep on your back with your arms up, you are a good friend, a good listener and you don't like to be the center of attention.

I am a freefaller...  brash, outgoing and I dislike criticism...   I'm not sure I like that definition!  Maybe I'll just change sleeping position! 

DAY 146 - DEEPAK CHOPRA AND SYNCRODESTINY

Day 146

Deepak Chopra

Deepak Chopra is a medical doctor of Indian origin who combines modern science with traditional hindu spiritual practises in his vision of health and happiness.  He is a very prolific author, having written over 15 books on spirituality and health.

Today, I've decided to talk to you about a book called the "Spontaneous Fulfilment of Desire".  In that book, Deepak Chopra explains how to harness the infinite power of coincidence, or synchronicity, in order to increase your luck and find your destiny.  That is what he calls syncrodestiny.

He believes, that through coincidence, the Universe gives us clues to help us figure out which road to take.  Chopra thinks that pure coincidence does not exist.  And that each event resembling one carries a message that we need to decode to find our true destiny.  By listening to these messages, we become aware of the possibilities.  It is then up to us to act upon them.

For Chopra, coincidences are part of a Divine Intelligence, that we get glimpses of, throughout our lives.  He believes that by tapping into it, we can reach our full potential, and therefore lead a more fulfilling life.

And how do we tap into this Divine Intelligence?  Yes, you've guessed right!!!! Through meditation!  He talks about meditating for 20 minutes morning and night.  By doing that, he believes that we access our "non local" self which is actually part of this Divine Intelligence.  Am I getting to deep yet?

If you want to know more, you definitely have to read the book.   I am only giving you a glimpse of it and Chopra uses a lot of scientific evidence and every day life examples to show how we can use coincidence to turn our lives around and finally live our true destiny.

DAY 145 - EACH RELATIONSHIP HAS ITS LIMITS!

DAY 145

During the first years of  my relationship with my husband, many moons ago, I remember having an ideal of  the way a relationship ought to be, probably greatly influenced by films, literature and my greatest role models, my parents.  Obviously, my husband was an independent soul with his own ideal of a relationship. (Who would have though?)  In many respects, they were similar, but, in some ways, they were also a little different.

The problem with ideals involving other people is that they don't take into account the fact that, in life, you are only in control of your own actions.  That the people you have a relationship with have a mind of their own and their own parameters.

I believe that in order to have fulfilling relationships, you need to accept that each of them has its limits.  A single person cannot fulfill all of your needs.  When you accept that, you avoid a lot of frustration and disappointment.

I was talking to my friend Sabrina about that last night.  For fifteen years, she has been trying to get her husband to sit back and watch t.v. with her at night.  Her husband is a doer.  When he is not being efficient, he feels like he is wasting his time.  Maybe in Sabrina's eyes, watching t.v. with her husband would make them connect.  However, the fact that her husband would be miserable doing it proves the contrary.  For him, it would be a painful effort and so he wouldn't be able to enjoy it as she does.

I have learned with time that each of my relationships is different and fulfills a part of my needs.  And I know my friends and family enough to understand that.  I am rarely disappointed, because I am now able to gauge my expectations and value all of my relationships for what they are and not for what I would like them to be.  It's not always easy to do... but when you're able to do that, you avoid a lot of unnecessary pain.

DAY 144 - ARTISTIC EXPRESSION FROM A 9 YEAR OLD... AND HER DAD!

Day 144

Yesterday, my oldest daughter had her yearly school performance.  She goes to a school with an artistic vocation.  Half of the show was music and the other half was dance.   During the musical part of the show, the children presented, amongst other things, two songs they had written.   My daughter was chosen to recite the written text for one of them, before they began singing it.  The poem she recited had been written by two of her classmates and her.  It talked about their fear of war and their desire for it to disappear from the planet.

It was such a touching moment... to see my daughter up there, reciting a poem that she had partly written with such conviction.  It is such a source of joy for me to see my kids growing up and becoming independent and self-confident, with thoughts of their own.

However, in my eyes, one of the best part of the show happened during the dance portion of the performance.  The teacher asked for a volunteer parent to go and take the place of a child who was absent.  My husband, thinking that he was just going to be standing there, with kids dancing around him, got up.

And then, he was paired up with one of my daughter's classmates.  He had to perform a 17th Century baroque dance or if you prefer, a French noble style dance, as if he was in Louis XIV's court, attending a ball.  The scene was out of a slapstick comedy film, with him trying to follow the steps, being forced to jump from side to side, sometimes getting it, sometimes not.   For the 4 minutes that lasted the musical piece, I was in stitches, crying of laughter.  I wasn't the only one laughing.  I could hear my friend Karine, in back of me, laughing as hard as I was.

My daughter kept glancing at her dad, in disbelief, trying to keep a straight face. How fortunate we are that they made a dvd of the show.  Needless to say, we bought it.  We will keep it preciously.  Because I know that, although the memory of this event will undoubtedly remain in my mind forever, having a dvd to remind me of how incredibly funny that moment was, is sure to provide me with further moments of happiness in the years to come.

DAY 143 - WHAT I CAN LEARN FROM DOERS

DAY 143

The world is divided in doers and thinkers. Obviously, nobody is  entirely one or the other. Most of us are, at different levels, a combination of both, but with a predominance.

Thinkers often come up with brilliant ideas, think through their problems before arriving to a solution and have the tendency to live in their head a lot.


Doers have an idea and implement it right away. When confronted with a problem, they talk about it so that they can quickly find a solution and apply it immediately.

I am mostly a thinker. The amount of ideas and inventions I‘ve had throughout my life should have made me a millionaire by now. I sometimes get ideas and get so enthusiastic about them, thinking, inventing, formulating, recreating…. all these thoughts dancing uncontrollably and joyfully in my head!  The problem with thinkers like me, who think and think, is that they end up wasting a lot of time thinking and they forget that in order for an idea to materialise, they need to put it into action!!!!!

I find it quite interesting that my husband and best friend are both doers. They are both quite impulsive and don’t linger on thoughts for too long. They are action-oriented.   I've noticed that couples are often made up of a thinker and a doer, I guess it creates balance.  If I were married to a thinker, we probably wouldn't get so much done... but we'd be really good at theorizing about what we have to do.

There are no statistics that I know of on the matter, but I would bet that thinkers tend to suffer more then doers. They analyse and linger on situations instead of doing something right away to rectify the situation. They also probably ruminate more on negative thoughts.

Learning to become more of a doer has helped me become happier. With all the knowledge I now have on happiness, I have slowly realized that in order to really increase my well-being, I need to put that knowledge into action, even if I’m only doing it one tiny step at a time.

And how about you? Are you a doer, a thinker or a combination of both?

DAY 142 -REALITY OR BELIEF? THAT IS THE QUESTION!

Day 142

Last Saturday, my cousins came over for dinner at my parents' house.  One of my cousins, who has been studying yoga, meditation and philosophy for many years, also does comedy shows.  I asked him if, when he was up on stage, he sometimes became self-critical, seeing himself performing and judging his performance.  He answered that he never does, that comedy is like breathing for him.  He just IS funny.  In fact, he just IS.  Some people might view that answer as being pretentious.  I'm not sure it really is.

I believe self-doubt is not entirely negative.  When you question what you do, it could help you get better.  When self-doubt rules your life,   it then infringes on your actions and can even lead to inertia.  What was interesting to me about what my cousin was saying is that, in his mind, there is no need to judge.  You just need to be!

Judgement is a perception of reality.  And since there is no absolute Truth, judging yourself is actually deciding that your negative belief about yourself is the actual Truth.

It is much easier to understand that concept when we talk about things that do not have an emotional impact on us.  For instance, about two weeks ago, a student of mine who had been arguing with the other students as if HE  held the truth, was going at it once again, getting into an argument with a student.  I interrupted their conversation and asked him if he though the cup that was on my desk was broken.  He was a little surprised by my intervention but quickly answered: " No, it's not".  He told me he was sure of it.  I turned my cup around and showed him that in fact, it was!

In that example, the subjectivity of perception is easily demonstrated.  Because we are so caught up in our emotions, it never occurs to us that the thoughts creating negative emotional responses are actually a subjective version of reality and that therefore, all negative thoughts, whether they are about ourselves or our lives are only a mirage that we convince ourselves of being true.  Isn't that what cognitive therapy is about?  Trying to change distorted visions of reality.

Have I lost anyone yet?  All this to say, that when you have insecurities or self-esteem issues, they have nothing to do with who you really are.  If you tend to create scenarios and imagine what other people are thinking, it is only the result of a set of beliefs that has entered your mind and that you deem as being true.  A belief is not reality, and being aware of that can definitely help get rid of negative thoughts, the anxiety caused by them, and lead to a better state of mind.

DAY 141 - FREE THE BLOGGER IN YOU

DAY 141

On Friday night, I was having dinner with some friends.  And then, as we were talking about happiness, I thought that I would like to involve my readers and friends in my research.  I asked everyone present if they would like to write a post on their vision of  happiness.  After all, the objective of my project is to explore the topic in depth.  Having my friends and readers write about their vision of happiness is sure to help me expand my knowledge on the topic.


One of my friends asked me if it would matter to me if one of my guest bloggers would get more readership than I do.  It is a good question and worth responding to.

Although at the beginning, I had bouts of insecurities, I now feel that what is more important to me than my own gratification, is the fact that I am learning and spreading happiness through this blog. Whatever my friends and readers could write, is sure to be inspiring and I am thrilled to discover other people's perspective on happiness.

So dear reader, I'm extending this offer to you.  I would love to know what happiness is for YOU.   Every Saturday, I will publish a post written by one of my readers.  You could start your post by introducing yourself so that the readers could find out a little bit about who you are.   The length of your post could be anywhere from half a page to a page.

I can't wait to read you all.  You can send me your posts at: alina500daystohappiness@hotmail.com.

Happy thinking!

DAY 140 - CELEBRATING LOVE

Day 140

As soon as Christmas is over, anticipation for Valentine's day begins. Growing up, I was never the type to like commercial celebrations.   My rebel side always felt like I didn't need stores to tell me when to celebrate love, or anything else for that matter.

When I met my husband, we tried to celebrate Valentine's day.  We probably felt some kind of pressure to conform.  Destiny didn't want us to follow that path.  The first year we were together, my husband was really sick on that day.  The second year, I sent him flowers, but at the wrong address.  From that moment on, we decided that we would celebrate OUR love a week later.  So, we did, until the children were born...

When they were babies, nothing really changed.  However, from the moment they went to daycare and started bringing back cute little heart-shaped handcrafts as well as cards where you could read: "I love you Mommy, Happy Valentine's Day",  we had to reconsider our position.

Now, on Valentine's day, we prepare a candlelight dinner.   We buy the children a little gift and write them sweet words in a card.  My husband and I also get each other a little present.  Our rebellious, non conformist side has now vanished.  We have become consenting victims of the commercialization of love.

I'm not unhappy about it though, to the contrary.  Although I still see the commercial aspect of it, I now view Valentine's day as yet another reason to celebrate one of the greatest, most wonderful human emotion.  Love should indeed be celebrated way more than only once a year.    Because when love is felt, it irradiates happiness throughout your body, so the more you feel it, the happier you are!

So, to all my readers and friends, I wish you LOVE today and every day!!!!!






So, to you my readers and friends, I wish you LOVE on this February 14th.  I wish you love today, but I extend my wish to every day of the year!

DAY 139 - THE HAPPINESS FORMULA - GET YOUR CALCULATORS OUT!

Day 139

For centuries, philosophy and spirituality have been used to try to define happiness.   More recently, there has been a will to quantify happiness, with researchers trying to include a more scientific approach to the definition.

In 2003, British life coach Pete Cohen and psychologist Carol Rothwell were commissioned by Thompson, the holiday company, to develop an equation that allows people to measure how happy they are and understand the factors that contribute to it.  Their research, based on interviews with 1000 participants, lead to a scientific equation,  revealing that a person's happiness is determined by three key factors:

Personal characteristics (including outlook on life, adaptability and resilience)
Existence Needs (including health, financial stability and community / friendships)
Higher Order Needs (including self esteem, expectations, ambitions, sense of humour)

P + (5 x E) + (3 x H) = Happiness

The value of each letter is based on self-assessment rankings from 1 to 10.  If you think you are very outgoing, flexible and open to change and you believe you bounce back from setbacks very quickly,  then P is likely to be a high number.

If your basic life’s needs in relation to personal health, financial stability, safety, relationships, freedom of choice and sense of community are met,  then E is a high number.

If  you have a strong support system, you immerse yourself in what you do and you engage in activities that give you a sense of purpose, then H is high.

A high end total means a higher level of happiness.

Now, you might be tempted to take out your calculator, but it is probably not that necessary.   You probably already know how happy you are.  And, that mathematical formula certainly does not take into account all of the aspects involved in someone's happiness.  However, it could serve as yet another tool to figure out what is missing in your life for you to maximize your well- being.

DAY 138 - TRIUMPH OF DEMOCRACY?

Day 138

When I was young, I heard many stories about Egypt.  The country my parents would describe back then has nothing to do with the one that exists today. Growing up in the 40's, they enjoyed a very European lifestyle. The pictures they have of themselves of that period could very well have been taken in  Hollywood during the same era. Their style was very fashionable.

At that time, Egypt lived under a constitutional monarchy, similar to the British political system, with the king having limited powers.

In 1952, the putsch led by Nasser, marked the beginning of the Egyptian dictatorial system. For 60 years, Egypt has been ruled by an autocratic government. Eighteen days ago, Egyptians decided that this political system had lasted long enough. Yesterday, Mubarak, who had been in power for 30 years, finally resigned.

When it was announced that Mubarak was stepping down, the streets of Cairo were swept by a wave of exhilaration shared by the entire world. Causes involving freedom and democracy always brings out worldwide passion and solidarity.

When looking at the faces of Egyptian people in Tahrir square, one could see the happiness and emotion of victory. Egyptians now have hope that democracy will finally return in their country. They have hope that the future will bring them freedom. They have hope that their lives are going to get better at last.

Happiness and hope go hand in hand. Hope is the seed, happiness is the fruit. Now that the seed has been planted, we just need to wait and see in which direction the tree will grow, hopefully it will be toward freedom and democracy!

DAY 137 - BRINGING HAPPINESS TO OTHERS

Day 137

Today, as we always do on the first Friday following the start of a new group, we organized a community lunch with our students.  Because many of them come from foreign countries, we always get an incredible variety of exotic dishes.

This time around, our groups are made up of many young adults.  So at the end of the meal, some of them put on good Latin American music and everybody started to dance.  It very quickly turned into a party.  Everyone was laughing, dancing and socializing.

All our participants are looking for a job.  Many of them have left their country and come to Canada hoping for a better life for their family.  They are often struggling with the language, with money and with winter.  They  are also dealing with feelings of loneliness and nostalgia.  Immigration is not easy, even if you willingly decide to leave your country.

I feel we are giving these student far more than just an english course.  We give them a sense of belonging.  The other day, a student came up to me and said something that really touched me.  She said: "You  know, in the past year, I have felt very lost.  In this class, I found myself again".  Another student  before the party, told my colleague John that he really didn't feel like being part of the event.  He just got divorced and is going through a very rough time in his personal and financial life.  At a certain point, we noticed he was dancing, smiling and having fun.

There really isn't a better source of happiness for me than to bring happiness to others.  And I consider myself to be very fortunate to have a job that gives me the opportunity to do it on a regular basis. 

DAY 136 - THE ROAD TO MOTIVATION

Day 136

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”Mark Twain

Motivation is essential if you want to reach your goals.  And I've already talked about how important it is to have goals in order to be happy. I've always been quite good in algebra, so I know that if a=b and b=c, then a=c.  In other words, if we need motivation to achieve our goals, and we need goals to be happy, then we need motivation to find happiness.   Are you following me?

Being aware of the importance of motivation is the first step.  The next one will be to figure out how to find motivation and keep it.

I have enough life experience to know that I personnally lose motivation as soon as, for some unexpected reason, I get out of the grove.  I was exercising regularly, going to the gym four times a week and then, for a whole week, I had to work more so I had less time to go.  The week after, my kids got sick so I had to stay home with them.  I got out of the grove and now, I'm finding it hard to get back into it.

Not everyone has the same needs when it comes to motivation, but I do believe the following tips can be helpful to most of us:

- Planning and preparation
If you plan your day so that you include activities related to your goal, you will be more likely to follow through with it.   If I prepare my gym bag and bring it with me to work,  I have more chances of going to workout at the end of the day than if I have to go back home before.  I know that, if I go back home, as soon as I step in, I will find a million other things that need to be done.

- Just do it
I know this is easier said than done.  But action truly is the secret to reaching any goal.  I, for one,  have the tendency to overthink.  So, the best way for me to move forward is to be in motion.  Thinking and analyzing too much can be anti-productive.  Sometimes, you just have to do it!

- Divide your goals into tiny steps
This is true especially when you have a long-term objective.  In that case, it's better to divide it into small reachable goals so that you don't get discouraged.  Dividing your goal into small steps also helps you stay on track.

- Stay focused
 It is so easy to get distracted from your goal.  Every night, I meditate on what I want to accomplish.  It helps me stay focused.

- Don't give up
It is perfectly normal to sometimes sidetrack.  Losing focus for a few days does not mean you need to give up.  Life is unpredictable and sometimes we need to put things on hold until we're ready to begin again.  

-Enjoy the process
If you really want to reach a goal, you need to enjoy the ride.  After all, it is a known fact that the journey is far more important than the result.

- Make it a priority
If your goal is important to you,  you need to put it high on your list of priorities, which sometimes means giving up something else.

Motivation is to a goal what an engine is to a car, without it, you never get very far!

DAY 135 - "THE ART OF HAPPINESS" AND THE DALAI LAMA

Day 135

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, is both the head of state and the spiritual leader of Tibet. He was born on July 6, 1935, to a poor farming family.  At the age of two, through a long process that involved him recognizing the possessions of the 13th Dalai Lama, he was recognized as being his reincarnation.  He was enthroned in 1940.  In 1950, at the age of 16, the Dalai Lama had to assume full political power when China invaded Tibet. In March of 1959, during the national uprising of the Tibetan people against the Chinese military occupation, he went into exile.

Since then, the Dalai Lama has become an international ambassador of Peace, inner peace as well as world peace.  In the past decade, he has extensively traveled through Canada and the U.S. to share his wisdom and vision of happiness following the publication of "The Art of Happiness", which he jointly wrote with the American psychiatrist Howard C. Cutler.

For the Dalai Lama, the purpose of life IS happiness. He believes that in order to achieve it, we need to systematically train our minds and hearts, and reshape our outlook and attitudes towards life.  For him, the state of mind is far more important than any external condition.  That is why, it is so important to develop a calmness of the mind.

We also have to eliminate negative emotions from our lives, such as anger and hatred.  Those feelings serve no purpose.  The Dalai Lama suggests replacing those emotions with positive ones such as love, kindness and compassion.

According to the Dalai Lama, if we really want to be happy, we should identify the factors that lead to happiness and then cultivate them into habits. On the other hand, we have to identify what leads us to suffer, so we can get rid of those destructive states and habits and replace them by positive ones.

The Dalai Lama believes we need to embrace change, which is inevitable, by going with the flow of the river instead of resisting it.  We might be able to have some control in the direction, but we can never stop the flow. When we cling on to something that is changing, we become attached, and attachment, because of the impermanence of life, leads to suffering.

Finally, we should develop deep relationships based on love and respect as well as have a long-term perspective of life.   Sure, short-term pleasures can give short-term happiness.  But, if we evaluate the effects of short-term and long-term oriented behavior, we can clearly see what is more helpful in the long run.

If you have ever seen the Dalai Lama or heard him talk, you will agree that he looks like a peaceful, wise, kind and happy man.   All qualities I strive to have.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. 

I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.

It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come.

The Dalai Lama 

DAY 134 - BE YOURSELF...OR ELSE

Day 134

It’s not always easy to be yourself.  Sure, sometimes we tend to slightly change our behaviour depending on the person we’re talking to.  If your are talking with your boss, a colleague, a friend, a close relative or a child, you might use different characteristics of your personality in order to adapt to the person and the situation. 

I always know whom my husband is talking to on the phone just by the tone of his voice and his general attitude.  I believe it is perfectly natural to do that. It becomes problematic if you stop being yourself and you take on a role that has little or nothing to do with who you really are. 

It’s definitely happened to me in the past.  When I was studying at University, I had a crush on this professor who was young, hip and extremely bright.  I remember once, being invited to a cocktail party that I knew he was also going to attend.  I carefully chose my clothes, fixed my hair and waited with great anticipation the moment to go.

For some silly reason, he intimidated me.  When I got to the party, he was already talking with a bunch of other students, so I started socializing, waiting impatiently for the moment to approach him. 

At a certain point, he was standing by himself, so I went up to him, and started acting like a pretty doll with no brain, giggling and uttering uninteresting comments.  I kept having out of body experiences, talking to myself, saying:  "What are you doing?  Stop laughing! Be yourself now!  Enough!"  But no matter what I was telling myself, I felt like I was getting buried deeper and deeper into the hole of humiliation.  I had become a person I could not recognize.  

I know I sometimes forget to be myself, maybe for fear of disappointing others or, as it was in that case, because I want to impress someone.  The truth of the matter is, I feel much happier when I am myself.  And, in order to do so, all I need to do is remind myself of that fact, especially when I know I will be in a situation that could potentially have me become someone I am not.     

DAY 133 - HAPPINESS ACCORDING TO CONFUCIUS

DAY 133

Confucius, ancient philosopher and thinker,  was born in China in 551 B.C. His own name was Kong, but his followers called him Kong-fu-tse (Kong the Master, or Teacher), which was later on latinized by the Jesuit missionaries into Confucius. 


Confucianism, which is sometimes viewed as a philosophy, sometimes as a religion, is based on Conficius' teachings.  It first originated in China but quickly spread to Korea, Taiwan, Vietnam and Japan.  


Confucianism has greatly evolved through the years.  As for Buddhism and Taoism, it is based on a set of principles that aim at helping people live the 'good life'.  So, here is a little summary of some of Confucius' advice on how to do that:


Virtue:
Like many of his Greek contemporaries, Confucius believed that in order to be happy, one should acquire virtuous qualities such as benevolence, charity, humanity, love, honesty and kindness.


Family values
Confucius believed that strong family values and relationships were key to a stable society.  According to him, ancestors should be worshiped and parents respected and honored.


Pleasure
Confucius didn't reject the idea of enjoyment.  Contrarily to buddhism, which advocates that short-term pleasure  always leads to disappointment, Confucianism supports the idea of having pleasurable moments in your life.


Knowledge and learning
Confucianism views the acquisition of knowledge as an essential component for growth.   However, what is learned needs to be applied in order for growth to take place.  According to Confucius, to be beneficial,  knowledge has to be put into action and cannot remain theoretical.


Relationships and social involvement
Confucius believed that creating intimate ties with others and caring for the wellbeing of friends was essential to happiness.  He also thought that one should get involved in the community and participate actively in its improvement, through work and other means. 


"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop."

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. "

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

"The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large."

"The one who would be in constant happiness must frequently change." 

Confucius

DAY 132- HAPPY SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

Day 131

Traditionally, every year, on Super bowl Sunday, my husband invites his friends over at his parents' house to watch the football game.  Everyone brings something to eat and we share a meal.  I have never understood American football, I still don't.  For me, it just looks like a bunch of guys with large shoulders, tight pants and a helmet running toward each other, always ending up in a pile.

Every year, My husband explains the game to me.  But I never remember.  In fact, what interests me the most in that particular gathering is the social aspect of it.

First of all, they are a majority of men, so there is a lot of energy going around.   You can really sense it. And so even if I don't really understand what is going on,  I often get carried away by the incredible amount of energy that is traveling through the room.

A gallup survey conducted in 2008 concluded that Super Bowl Sunday, was among the top 10 days that Americans reported the highest levels of happiness and enjoyment.

I don't know if the happiness level rises because of the actual game or because of the fact that a bunch of friends get together,  reinforcing their bond,  sharing their love of the game and spending time together in a fun setting.    Someone who would be watching the game alone might not enjoy the same level of enthusiasm.

The tradition of getting together on that specific day every year also has a beneficial effect on the happiness level.  There is talk of the event months ahead of time.  Everyone arrives in a good mood, expecting and ready to have a good time.  So why wouldn't it be a happy day!

DAY 131 - PUTTING YOUR PROBLEMS IN PERSPECTIVE - THE EGYPTIAN CASE

Day 131

My brother, his wife and my parents came over for dinner tonight.  Because we have family in Egypt, we started talking about the political situation over there and how our family is dealing with the situation.  I have two aunts and an uncle who live there.  They have all been confined in their house for the past 10 days, afraid to get out and get caught in some kind of riot.

Young men who live in their respective buildings are going around the apartments of older residents, offering their help in getting groceries and essential goods.  The line-ups at all food stores are apparently enormous, so it often takes hours to buy even a loaf of bread.  All television stations, except for the Egyptian ones, which are controlled by the state, all cellular phones and Internet connections have been disconnected.  My mother was able to speak to her brother and sisters on their home lines.

And here we are, complaining about the weather.  Egyptians have been living under the dictatorship of Mubarak for 30 years, in a political system filled with corruption and injustice.  Sure, our political system is not perfect.  And, it is certainly not entirely free of corruption and inequalities, but we can still trust that our rights will be respected.   Egyptians and many other people living under autocratic regimes cannot say that.

Being able to live in security, knowing that you have rights and that you are protected by the law, being able to walk freely and express your opinion without fearing anything or anyone, are all things we take for granted.

And so if we became more aware of the privileged lives we lead and realized that we often complain about trivial things; if we had the ability to really put our problems in perspective, perhaps we would find yet another reason to truly be happy and enjoy life.  Being grateful for what you have is definitely an important ingredient to happiness.

  

DAY 130- FRIDAY AND SPRING... WHAT'S THE LINK?

Day 130

As I was driving back from work, I started thinking about the fact that I love Fridays.   I'm always in a good mood on that day.  I wake up happy and that feeling seems to stay with me the whole day.  I'm always so hopeful about the weekend.  I look forward to spending time with my husband and my kids, seeing my friends and family and, obviously,  I'm ecstatic about being able to take my time in the morning.

I've always compared the days of the week to the seasons of the year.   For me, Sunday morning is like early autumn and Sunday night like the end of November when it's cold, damp and you know winter is coming.  Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are like winter.  You're in the thick of things, it's hard work, but you accept that you have to live through it.  Thursdays and Fridays are like spring.  You know summer is coming and you're very excited about it.  Saturdays are like summer.  They're wonderful, but way too short. My favorite season is spring and incidentally, my favorite days of the week are Thursdays and Fridays.

When I arrived home from work, I decided to look and see what research says about the happiest day of the week.  I knew I would find some serious researcher who would have been interested in that topic.  So, here is what I found... 

In 2009, researchers at the University of Vermont analyzed 2.4 million blogs and Internet messages to find out which days of the week people love the most by counting the number of positive and negative words used.

The findings show that Sunday is people's favorite day with their worst day being Wednesday.  Tuesday is  a bad day for sex... very important information to know.  

I couldn't believe it.  It's impossible.  I have never liked Sundays, especially Sunday nights.  I'm starting to have major doubts about "scientific research".  

If Sunday is your favorite day, please let me know.  I will conduct my own survey in order to find out if I am the only one who feels gloomy on Sundays and great on Fridays.  As for Tuesdays being a bad day for sex, I'm not sure I agree with that either! 

DAY 129 - A WEEK FROM HELL

Day 129

All right, maybe it's not a week from hell and I'm exaggerating a tiny bit, and I'm not talking about what's going on in Egypt, which is undoubtedly much worse than what I'm about to tell you.  


Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything just seems to be going wrong?   Well that is what happened to us this past week.  First, last Thursday, our dryer started making a loud and abnormal squeaky noise.  We looked it up in the user's manual and realized that there was nothing we could do about it; it had done its time!!!!! 

Two days later, as I pressed on the start button of the dishwasher, I noticed that nothing was happening.  So, I pressed again and nothing happened again... the dishwasher was dead.  We have now gone back to the old-fashioned way of doing the dishes.  My hands are getting rather dry so I'd better get gloves before my skin starts falling off.  I've become so precious!

Yesterday, as I was going into my home office to publish a post I had managed to write during the day, I couldn't get my computer on... dead!!! I even lost the post I wanted to publish!  Thank god I had a post written on Gandhi that I hadn't published yet and that was saved on my work computer, which I have access to from home.  I had to use my husband's portable computer to post.  After I published, I realized I had published the unedited version.   On that version, Gandhi was born in 1969! 

On top of it, my youngest daughter has been sick with fever since Saturday and my oldest daughter came back from school last night with a fever of 39.5!  So we've been having quite the nightlife! Unfortunately, not the same type of nightlife I used to have when I was 20!

So, trying to think about happiness has been more challenging!  I guess it is a little bit of a test!  How can I succeed in seeing the bright side of things?  

First, it just happens that a very good friend of my husband's has a dryer he doesn't need anymore, so he is selling it to us at a ridiculous price.  It is newer than ours, so it should last us a couple of years.  Also, my husband's cousin just bought a new dishwasher, so he's giving us his old one.  It is exactly the same brand.  The computer is getting repaired for free because it is brand new and the guarantee is still valid!  My youngest daughter's fever broke a few hours ago.  And this week, I had the chance to spend some time alone with her, chitchatting, reading and playing board games.  My eldest is definitely better today than she was yesterday...

Every single problem eventually got solved.  So, what is the lesson I have to learn from all of this?  Well, first of all, I should always remember the old saying: "This too shall pass".  These are not serious problems and so, I know that everything will eventually pass.

Secondly, I should keep in mind that life is not and will never be flawless.  Making my life better is about working on creating happiness within myself and around me, which also means learning to overcome and deal with the little hurdles that come my way.

DAY 128 - GANDHI - THE GREAT SOUL

Day 128

Mohandas Karamshand Gandhi was born on October 2, 1869, in Porbandar, India.   He came from a relatively comfortable family.  At the age of 14, he married Kasturba, a girl the same age. They had four children.  

In 1888, Gandhi left India to go study Law in London.  He returned to India in 1891 to practise.  In 1893, he took on a one-year contract in South Africa.  That experience will be a turning point in Gandhi’s life. 

As soon as he arrived there, he was confronted with discrimination.  The British Empire controlled South Africa at the time and when he attempted to claim his rights as a British subject, he realised that the treatment he received was based on his skin colour.

Gandhi lived in South Africa for 21 years.   He slowly developed an action based on the principles of courage, nonviolence and truth. 

He returned to India in 1915 and, following his principles, he slowly lead Indian people to independence from Great Britain.  Gandhi went to prison many times for his convictions.  His only weapons were civil disobedience and starvation. 

The Indian people called him ‘Mahatma’, which means Great Soul.  Gandhi’s vision of happiness was quite simple, he believed that authenticity and living by your convictions was the true path to having a blissful life.  He undeniably did that, showing relentless courage, determination and love in his pacific struggle for justice, freedom and theTruth.


"Whenever you are confronted with an opponent.  Conquer him with love."


"Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed.  Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well."


"One needs to be slow to form convictions, but once formed they must be defended against the heaviest odds."


Mahatma Gandhi

SAY 127 - DEALING WITH OVERLY CRITICAL PEOPLE

 Day 127 

Yesterday, I went to the gym and took a muscle toning class.  The instructor was extremely competent.  She didn’t stay in front  the whole class, only showing the moves; she actually went around and corrected wrong postures.  She was an Anglophone, but seeing that the majority of participants were French speaking, she decided to give the entire class in French. 

At the end of the class, she mentioned that since she would be replacing the regular instructor for the next couple of weeks, she would really appreciate having some feedback and comments.  I went up to her to congratulate her, but there was already a participant talking to her. 

As I was waiting for my turn to talk, I overheard the lady commenting and criticizing the instructor’s French.  I was appalled.  I immediately intervened.  I told the instructor, in front of the woman, not to worry about her French, that it was really good.  I then went on to compliment her on her great teaching skills.

It made me think about the fact that people, sometimes, give you useless negative feedback.  Why did that woman need to comment on the instructor’s French?  Why did she care so much?  The objective of the class was to tone muscles and she achieved that very successfully.  So why did she need to comment on her linguistic competence?

I have definitely been confronted with people like that; people who give you negative comments you never asked for.  How do you deal with that?

Every situation is different, but I believe that the first step is to not take critical comments personally. Everyone has the right to their opinion, and it is not worth wasting energy trying to figure out why the person said what they said.  In the end, the only thing we can control is the way we react, not what is said to us.

So, at times, I’ll just ignore the comment and pretend I haven’t heard it.  But If I feel uncomfortable about it, I’ll look within to understand why I’m feeling that way. Chances are, if it made me uncomfortable, it is probably because it has struck a sensitive chord and I need to understand why.

In general though, I simply try to avoid being with people who are overly critical.  I don’t like being around negativity, so why would I choose to spend time with someone negatively impact my mood.   I'm not that masochistic!