Are there people around you who are always complaining? Some people just seem to find something wrong in the most wonderful situation and I AM NOW COMPLAINING ABOUT THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE.
In every situation, if you really look carefully, you could always find something to critize. Some people specialize in discovering those defects, even in the most wonderful situations. They are chronic complainers. I'm not talking about people who are pessimistic, who internalize their suffering and see the glass half empty. I'm talking about those who can see that the glass is half full, but they think that it could be fuller or, they find the water in the glass too warm or too cold.
Let me just tell you, right away, that I am generally of an enthusiastic nature. I truly feel blessed (which doesn't mean I am not afflicted with negative thoughts) and I always try to focus on the positive part of any kind of experience. (I'm obviously not talking about experiences that are negative by definition, but neutral ones).
When I go to the movies with my students and the story of the movie that is chosen is questionable, I always try to point out to them that the obljective of the activity is the language and that if they were able to follow the story, they greatly benefited from the activity. So, even though they didn't like the story so much, they come out of the movie theatre feeling content and confident that they could watch a movie in english.
So how do you deal with chronic complainers? One of the things I have noticed, is that if you try to show them a more enthusiastic view, they'll keep arguing until you agree with them. In fact, what they are really looking for, is some sort of validation of their emotional state. In general, giving them what they need - compassion and validation of their emotion - will be far more helpful in making them stop complaining then arguing the validity of their criticism. They'll feel like they are being understood.
This being said, it is probably better to keep those kinds of people at bay - they'll dampen your mood when you're happy, they'll drag you down when you're in the mood to fly. However, if you are stuck with a chronic complainer (aren't we all in some way?), learning to minimize contact and avoid how complaining-oriented conversations is probably the best way to go.
“The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects.”
Lord Jeffrey (1773-1850, Scottish judge and literary critic)
No comments:
Post a Comment