DAY 9 - SEEKING PERFECTION, A MODERN DISEASE

DAY 9

One of my students walked in today looking happier than usual. She had a big smile on her face and when I mentioned it, she explained that she had begun a self-expression class and that she felt it would really improve her communication skills. She is shy and has trouble expressing her feelings, so she hopes that class will help her overcome her timidity and give her more self-confidence. And this is symptomatic of modern times. We all suffer from some kind of psychological problem. As a matter of fact, most of my friends have either gone through therapy, are following a therapy or are thinking about following a therapy. I have never seen a therapist, not because I have never thought of it, but because I suffer from chronic procrastination. And this is the one thing I have been putting off for 25 years.

The old fashion way of dealing with problems is to just pretend they’re not there. A friend of mine told me a story that truly illustrates that. When she was young and still living at her parents house, she ended her five-year relationship with her boyfriend. She went into a crying fit. She was in her bedroom, all curled up, complaisant in her misery. When her hard-working Italian father walked in and saw her, he said: “Just be glad you know what you don’t want! Now get up, wipe your eyes and move on!’ It might seem a little harsh, but our generation probably has the tendency of doing too much of the opposite. We dwell on problems. We overanalyze situations and look at our ego in all possible angles just so we can get a real deep sense of who we really are! I’m sure that when they were growing up, none my parents’ friends were seeing a therapist. It’s not that people didn’t have problems, but they didn’t expect as much out of life. They got married, had a family, took care of their children and that was it!

So maybe we expect too much from life and, if we were able to be content with what we have, instead of always wanting more, we’d be happier! The higher the expectations, the higher the disappointment... The problem is, we want perfect lives: we want a perfect partner, perfect children who are perfect in everything, a perfect career, a perfect house, a perfect body, a perfect financial situation, a perfect social life. We want to be perfect spouses, perfect parents, perfect employees, and perfect hosts. No wonder we’re all in therapy! How can we put up with all this pressure? The thing is human beings are flawed and that’s what makes us so interesting! So, in order to be happy, we need to remember that there is no race to be won, only a life to be lived!!!!