DAY 157 - LOVE: THE FOUR MYTHS

Day 157

As I was reading a magazine up in the country, I stumbled upon an article that talked about a book called “Act with Love” written by Russ Harris, a British Doctor turned psychotherapist who now lives in Australia.

I’ve already talked about the fact that the definition of romantic love changes and evolves as a relationship advances in time. Embracing this evolution helps you live a healthier and happier relationship.

Russ explains why couples are confronted with problems as their relationship changes and why, so many people, have a hard time finding someone with whom they would want to spend their life.

For Russ, there are four myths about love:

First myth: The ideal partner exists

Probably fed by romantic films and books, many people believe that one person will fulfill all their needs and that the perfect match exists somewhere in the universe. Everyone comes with a set of faults, nobody’s perfect, so while we may have some weaknesses, we tend to expect our partners to have none.  Unfortunately, this way of thinking inevitably creates problems.


Second myth: Love is easy

People tend to believe that love does not or should not require any work, that love is easy. As anything in life, love requires work, patience, compromise and, most of all, good communication skills. According to Russ, arguing with your partner is not problematic, as long as the discussion remains respectful and nonjudgmental. He believes that problems often arise from the absence of these basic elements.

Third myth: You complete me

According to Russ, no one should feel incomplete without a partner. Each member of any couple needs to have his or her own identity and work on flourishing independently. To have a rich and gratifying relationship, both partners need self-actualization. Otherwise, it could lead to dependency and intolerance.

Fourth myth: Passion lasts forever

Most people believe that passion lasts forever. According to Russ, the passion you feel at the beginning of a relationship only lasts six months. After that time, the intensity of the feeling starts diminishing.  However, he believes that authentic feelings can only develop once the honeymoon period is over. Obviously, you still need to create exciting and romantic moments, but it is impossible to do it on a daily basis.

The truth is, lasting love is a never ending work in progress.  Once you decide to embark on that boat, and you truly want your relationship to be successful, you have to be ready to row... otherwise, without realizing it,  you could slowly start drifting away and end up too far to go back to where you initially wanted to go.