DAY 169 -MAKING ASSUMPTIONS

Day 169

Has it ever happened to you to create a whole scenario in your head about someone’s reaction toward you, only to later find out that none of it was true?

I’ve often experienced that, making assumptions without really knowing the truth.  A couple of days ago, a woman at my daughters’ school whom I’ve befriended passed right by me in the schoolyard, without acknowledging me although I called her name a couple of times.

My first reaction was to think back and try to figure out why she would be upset at me and then to judge her as being rude.  I later on found out her daughter had been bullied and she was very concerned about it.  She was hurrying up to go meet with the Principal of the school.

We all see the world from a personal point of view and so our interpretation of other people’s actions is often seen according to our individual values, experience and character.

I feel like no matter how much in a hurry I am, I would still reply to someone calling me, so I couldn’t really understand why that woman ignored me.

These situations often occur in romantic relationships.  Women and men, or rather different personality types, don’t necessarily react the same way to the same situations.  When something troubles me, I need to think a lot about it before I can talk about it.  My husband, on the other hand, automatically gets it out of his system.   He can’t keep it in for a very long time.  Because of our different ways of reacting, he might sometimes believe I am indifferent because I’m not reacting, while really I am just thinking.   Inversely, I might feel he’s overreacting when really he’s just expressing how he’s feeling at that particular moment.

Learning not to make assumptions can really improve your level of happiness. Everybody has a unique way of looking at the world and reacting to it and most of the time, people’s reactions are a result of their own emotions.

How many times have I been impatient with my kids because of an event that happened during the day that put me in a bad mood...  they're the target but not the source.   Often our interpretation only takes into account a part of the reality so, no matter how hard we try, we can’t really see the whole picture.

In the The Four Agreements, which I’ve written a post about, Don Miguel Ruiz talks about making assumptions and how it could have a negative impact on happiness.  Although it might not be possible to get rid of the habit of making assumptions overnight, becoming conscious that your vision is only one interpretation of reality could definitely be helpful in fighting it.  Deciding that something IS the truth before really knowing only propels you in an imaginary spiral of unhappy thoughts.

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