All right, so I might be one of those "helicopter" parents, constantly hovering over my kids, trying to shelter them from the painful realities of the world! I buy organic food, attend all their soccer matches (my husband coaches them), sit in the first row when they have their piano concerts... and my kids have tons of activities.
I know I am not the only person of my generation doing that! Many of us are over-scheduling our kids, giving them way too much attention. As a result, children are less creative when left on their own and tend to have a hard time organizing themselves and being autonomous. If I look back at my own childhood, my brothers and I certainly didn't get all this attention. And I, for one, remember waking up early and having breakfast on my own in the kitchen at the age of 7.
When we have friends over for dinner, my kids will sit with us and get involved in the conversation... When we were kids and my father had colleagues over for dinner, we would have never dared utter a word. We sat down, listened, never talked to adults unless we were spoken to and impatiently waited to finish up our dinner to go play in the basement.
Canadian Family Coach David Code published a book called To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First. In his book, he talks about the fact that our generation focuses too much on children. As a result, we are raising children who are likely to become self-centred and obnoxious and who are not prepared for independence.
He thinks that parents should focus on their spouse more and on their kids less. It would result in their kids becoming happier and healthier, and their relationships growing stronger.
Today's child-centred marriages create self-centred, demanding children and over-anxious, exhausted parents, argues Code. Well-intentioned parents are sacrificing their lives and relationships.
Instead of trying to be the perfect parent, he suggests trying to be the perfect partner. "Make your marriage priority No. 1 and move your kids to priority No. 2. This is win-win for all parties," says Code, "Right now, our marriages aren't even making the Top 10 daily priorities."
I have noticed that, today, there are way more conflicts in the schoolyard between children than when I was young. Is it because all of these kids are self-centred and feel entitled? Are we creating a generation of people who will be unable to cooperate, because of inflated egos?
I guess maybe it is time for my whole generation, including myself, to rethink our way of raising our children! The solution is not going back to the way things were 50 years ago, but maybe to try to find a balance so that children learn to become more independent, creative and less self-centred! By doing that, we could very well be investing in their present, but also their future happiness!
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3 comments:
Very interesting...
This is a great perspective! I am a trained couples coach and our whole program was created around the belief that a more stable relationship between the adults in the home led to a more well-rounded environment for the children.
From a practical standpoint, I think this advice is right on. When the parents are more stable in their relationship, then the children are more stable.
You are right Steve, the problem is knowledge is never enough to implement changes in your life. You need to put it into practise... and that is always the biggest challenge!
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