DAY 47 - EMOTIONAL INTIMACY AND CONNECTION

Day 47

Human beings are fundamentally social beings. Material things can bring us a certain degree of immediate happiness, however to get a deeper sense of contentment, connecting with people on an emotional level is essential.

Throughout the day, most of us are around people; especially if we work outside our home. But a majority of these social interactions tend to be superficial. Having friends and family members with whom we can be authentic can provide us with a sense of belonging and general feeling of well-being.

I find it very interesting to observe how sociability works. I have friends who are fun and great to be around, but who will never open up or talk about their feelings. The image people project sometimes has nothing to do with their innermost self. We have all witnessed the sad clown syndrome. People who always show a happy and joyful front but are miserably unhappy.

Being able to show people you trust an unbridled uncensored version of who you really are may be a little scary, but, in turn, it can help create a mutual supportive relationship. The fact is, a majority of us have difficulty practicing openness. We’re simply not used to using words to express our emotions. We’re all caught up in automatic-pilot responses. When someone asks us how we’re feeling, we automatically answer “well”, without even taking the time to examine our state of mind.

We tend to suppress our feelings, refrain from confronting them, or even admitting them to ourselves. Sometimes, we will open up to a therapist. The problem is, the connection with a therapist is not emotional, but professional. We’re so scared of being judged that we prefer confiding our deepest fears to a stranger rather than taking the risk of becoming vulnerable and opening up to our friends.

I’m not suggesting we should all go around divulging our life story to the first in line. But to add meaning to our closest relationships and get a deeper sense of connection, we need to be authentic, even if it means becoming vulnerable. And in the middle of this newly acquired sense of intimacy, a true comforting feeling of mutual support and bond is likely to emerge.

“Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.” H.H. The Dalai Lama