When we start thinking about having babies, many of us believe that the arrival of these little bundles of joy will, without a doubt, increase our level of happiness. Surprise people! Research shows just the opposite.
Dan Gilbert, prominent psychologist, in a book called “Stumbling on happiness”, compares data and concludes that childless people are happier than parents. Moreover, studies show that parents find more happiness in shopping, eating and watching television than being with their kids. “Indeed, looking after the kids appears to be only slightly more pleasant than doing housework," asserts Gilbert. Thank god! At least parents would choose taking care of their children over mopping the floor…I got scared there for a minute!
From the moment my children were born, I felt my brain didn’t belong to me anymore. From sleepless nights and changing diapers to long hours in the emergency room, daily homework, weekly activities, added laundry, lunch preparation, my children have certainly added work and worry to my life.
The thing is, no new parent expects that to happen. It’s like a societal secret that is carefully guarded, maybe in order to insure the survival of our species. The idea of having children is romanticized, so we imagine that it will provide us with one blissful moment after another. No one talks about the sleep deprivation, the crying, the whining and the stress.
I must admit, on a day-to-day basis, my children don’t always add to my happiness. (Bad mother that I am…I feel blasphemous for saying that!) But, at the same time, there is no greater love than the one I have for my two daughters. When I look at them and take them into my arms, I feel a love greater than life itself. And I also do have some fun with them; we laugh, sing, play... It's not only work and worry!
My children might not always contribute to my moment-to-moment wellbeing, but they are definitely increasing my overall feeling of happiness. They give my life purpose and meaning.
What I find interesting, though, about that study, is that for once, childless people are told that, in fact, statistically, they are happier than parents, when the whole world has been telling them just the opposite.
In the end, as I’ve said in previous posts, no matter your circumstances, happiness will always start from within.
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